Wow this is a lot longer than I thought...
So this is not the first time I've had issues with the in laws, but I feel like everything is coming to a climax of some sort.
Backstory:
My MIL loved me when I was dating her son but right before we got married when she realized he might travel out of state, and not answer her phone calls properly, and sever their joint bank account (he was 29!). She decided she didn't like me so much. She started trying to drive a wedge between us (she's called him crying almost every time he's had a holiday or event with my family who lives 1200 miles away from us while she lives in the same town).
She also has completely spoiled my 2 year old nephew her daughter has let her act like his mom since he was born so she's gotten away with it. When he would throw a fit or cry for his GiGi or run to her when he was in trouble with his mom, she would turn to me to tell me my child would be just like that which I would always tell her she was wrong.
Anyway, we've been married for a few years and just had a baby a couple months ago. My MIL had literally nothing to do with me or the baby the entire pregnancy until the last four weeks before the baby was born. Then she started texting every day asking how me and the baby we're doing. I always responded but she was like panicked I would go into
Labor and not tell her which neither DH or I would do. Around this time, DH had a conversation with his mom about how he felt she didn't like us which she told him it was bc we didn't invite her over to our house or some nonsense. So with all the text messages DH thought everything was fixed.
Due to complications with my baby's position, we had to schedule a c section. DH and I were told to get to the hospital at 5am and the surgery would start at 730. MIL decided she would be there at 5. I explained she wouldn't be allowed back in the room with us and she should just come later. She refused and met us at the hospital at 5. Well she sat in the waiting room for hours, after the baby was born, we went into the recovery room to keep an eye on me and baby. My hospital is very mother-baby friendly so we got to do skin to skin and try breastfeeding right away during this time of super important baby bonding, my MIL is sending my DH passive aggressive texts about how she wants to see the baby and her son-in-law got to walk the baby out there to then while her daughter was in recovery. He explained we weren't back in our room yet and there were only allowed two ppl in the room. She suggested they switch places but I shut that down. I guess she got mad, we were in the hospital for four days she only came two of them and didn't stay long bc she was uncomfortable with me bfing dd.
She only came over a couple of days when we were home. When DD was 8 days old, MIL sent DH a text saying something along the lines of why don't you go into town and I'll watch baby. I told DH she meant I should leave her with him but he disagreed. We go by her house and the first thing she mentions is leaving the baby with her. I explained that I was not comfortable with that and invited her to come with us. She tried to get DH to tell me it was okay but he agreed with me. She suggests we all go in her car that has the same amount of seats as ours but we'd have to take out my nephews front facing car seat to put in my dds so we suggested we all ride in our car but she wants to go in hers so she goes by herself. (Also, we received a stroller system from someone after we bought ours. MIL suggested we leave it at her house while we figured out what to do with it. I was leaning toward selling it. I found out today, she opened it and planned on using it herself.) We go out, I'm only 8 days out from surgery so I get tired and need to sit down and end up feeding dd. I think MIL gets mad that I left her with DH. So she decides to leave and stops coming over to see dd. The next week DH asks her about it and she claims it's because she feels she needs to be invited. So we begin inviting her but she always has an excuse why. In the last month, she's barely seen dd, she also gets upset any time dd cries on her or needs to be fed.
Earlier this week, she sent me a picture of a baby toy and asked if I wanted it for dd. I said I didn't think so... She promptly told DH on me...
Today, we took dd over to the house to take MIL out for her bday. Everything is acceptable until I call my daughter by her first and middle name. Her middle name is very old fashioned. FIL said no we're not calling her that. I told him it's her middle name to which he replied let's stick with the first name. I told him I could call my daughter whatever I wished.
We took MIL out to eat and DH tells me not to be mad about what FIL said. At this point MIL gets up really fast and flees to the bathroom looking like she is crying. When she gets back DH asks what's wrong, she tries a few different lies but he calls her out each time then we proceed to have the most awkward lunch of my life. When we arrive back to her house a couple of hours later after refusing to discuss it in front of me, she explodes on DH while I wait in the car with dd. DH tells me all about it on the way home. If my dd hadn't been so fussy from the day out, we would have turned back around. DH has previously told his mom she should talk to me about her issues with me but obviously that didn't happen. When we get home I text mil
Out of respect for me, your son, and our marriage, I would appreciate it if you came to me with your problems regarding myself or my parenting choices. It's really not fair to constantly put Josh in the middle of everything.
She responds
I didn't say one freckin word about your parenting choices
Then at the same time texts DH
That I've made it clear she shouldn't have feelings or express her opinion.
I respond
I didn't say you couldn't have feelings or express when you were upset. I simply said When it regards me or out child, I want you to feel comfortable coming to me about it.
She chose not to respond.
This woman is supposed to keep my child for a few hours when I return to work.
Advice?
So this is not the first time I've had issues with the in laws, but I feel like everything is coming to a climax of some sort.
Backstory:
My MIL loved me when I was dating her son but right before we got married when she realized he might travel out of state, and not answer her phone calls properly, and sever their joint bank account (he was 29!). She decided she didn't like me so much. She started trying to drive a wedge between us (she's called him crying almost every time he's had a holiday or event with my family who lives 1200 miles away from us while she lives in the same town).
She also has completely spoiled my 2 year old nephew her daughter has let her act like his mom since he was born so she's gotten away with it. When he would throw a fit or cry for his GiGi or run to her when he was in trouble with his mom, she would turn to me to tell me my child would be just like that which I would always tell her she was wrong.
Anyway, we've been married for a few years and just had a baby a couple months ago. My MIL had literally nothing to do with me or the baby the entire pregnancy until the last four weeks before the baby was born. Then she started texting every day asking how me and the baby we're doing. I always responded but she was like panicked I would go into
Labor and not tell her which neither DH or I would do. Around this time, DH had a conversation with his mom about how he felt she didn't like us which she told him it was bc we didn't invite her over to our house or some nonsense. So with all the text messages DH thought everything was fixed.
Due to complications with my baby's position, we had to schedule a c section. DH and I were told to get to the hospital at 5am and the surgery would start at 730. MIL decided she would be there at 5. I explained she wouldn't be allowed back in the room with us and she should just come later. She refused and met us at the hospital at 5. Well she sat in the waiting room for hours, after the baby was born, we went into the recovery room to keep an eye on me and baby. My hospital is very mother-baby friendly so we got to do skin to skin and try breastfeeding right away during this time of super important baby bonding, my MIL is sending my DH passive aggressive texts about how she wants to see the baby and her son-in-law got to walk the baby out there to then while her daughter was in recovery. He explained we weren't back in our room yet and there were only allowed two ppl in the room. She suggested they switch places but I shut that down. I guess she got mad, we were in the hospital for four days she only came two of them and didn't stay long bc she was uncomfortable with me bfing dd.
She only came over a couple of days when we were home. When DD was 8 days old, MIL sent DH a text saying something along the lines of why don't you go into town and I'll watch baby. I told DH she meant I should leave her with him but he disagreed. We go by her house and the first thing she mentions is leaving the baby with her. I explained that I was not comfortable with that and invited her to come with us. She tried to get DH to tell me it was okay but he agreed with me. She suggests we all go in her car that has the same amount of seats as ours but we'd have to take out my nephews front facing car seat to put in my dds so we suggested we all ride in our car but she wants to go in hers so she goes by herself. (Also, we received a stroller system from someone after we bought ours. MIL suggested we leave it at her house while we figured out what to do with it. I was leaning toward selling it. I found out today, she opened it and planned on using it herself.) We go out, I'm only 8 days out from surgery so I get tired and need to sit down and end up feeding dd. I think MIL gets mad that I left her with DH. So she decides to leave and stops coming over to see dd. The next week DH asks her about it and she claims it's because she feels she needs to be invited. So we begin inviting her but she always has an excuse why. In the last month, she's barely seen dd, she also gets upset any time dd cries on her or needs to be fed.
Earlier this week, she sent me a picture of a baby toy and asked if I wanted it for dd. I said I didn't think so... She promptly told DH on me...
Today, we took dd over to the house to take MIL out for her bday. Everything is acceptable until I call my daughter by her first and middle name. Her middle name is very old fashioned. FIL said no we're not calling her that. I told him it's her middle name to which he replied let's stick with the first name. I told him I could call my daughter whatever I wished.
We took MIL out to eat and DH tells me not to be mad about what FIL said. At this point MIL gets up really fast and flees to the bathroom looking like she is crying. When she gets back DH asks what's wrong, she tries a few different lies but he calls her out each time then we proceed to have the most awkward lunch of my life. When we arrive back to her house a couple of hours later after refusing to discuss it in front of me, she explodes on DH while I wait in the car with dd. DH tells me all about it on the way home. If my dd hadn't been so fussy from the day out, we would have turned back around. DH has previously told his mom she should talk to me about her issues with me but obviously that didn't happen. When we get home I text mil
Out of respect for me, your son, and our marriage, I would appreciate it if you came to me with your problems regarding myself or my parenting choices. It's really not fair to constantly put Josh in the middle of everything.
She responds
I didn't say one freckin word about your parenting choices
Then at the same time texts DH
That I've made it clear she shouldn't have feelings or express her opinion.
I respond
I didn't say you couldn't have feelings or express when you were upset. I simply said When it regards me or out child, I want you to feel comfortable coming to me about it.
She chose not to respond.
This woman is supposed to keep my child for a few hours when I return to work.
Advice?
