Poster gone anon. I've read the sticky and am ready for you all to tell me I'm being a brat. Maybe it is what I need to hear to finally get over this. So sorry if it's extremely long.
I found out I was pregnant with LO when DH and I were living in a shoddy apartment. We had already put in our 60 days notice before we found out, and we had found a new apartment to move in to.Fast forward to move in day, in the first day at our new apartment, we spotted mold and a hoard of vermin. It was absolutely appalling. I tore the apartment manager a new asshole, as someone had signed off this apartment was "acceptable." We were miraculously let out of the lease, but we had nowhere to go, and could not find a new place on 2 days notice. My parents suggested we could stay with them (empty nesters in a big house) until we found a new apartment, and we agreed. My parent's house was about 1 hour away from our workplace, so it wasn't ideal, but doable for a while.
After we had been there for a week, and looking for a new apartment without much luck, my parents suggested we stay with them. They told us we wouldn't have to pay rent, just bills & food, and we could save for a down payment this way for our own house very quickly. (I know DWIL is usually against receiving financial help once you should be adulting on your own, but my parents are non-boundary stompers and sincerely just wanted to help.) DH and I talked it over and agreed that we could tough out the commute for 6 months in order to save for our down payment.
Then, my pregnancy got really bad. I had severe nausea and vommitting, migraines, extreme fatigue, etc. The nausea in particular was so bad. I would throw up without warning 6-7 times a day, with about half being in the morning. My commute at the time was 1.5 hours with traffic, and there were a few times I had to pull over in a hurry to vommit. DH was getting increasingly worried that something might happen to me and baby, and he asked if I would consider quitting my job ahead of time (planned on quitting right before my due date). I didn't want to, but my family and DH were extremely worried, and I also didn't want anything to happen to us. So I quit. DH could support us on his salary (though if we had been paying rent, we wouldn't have been able to save much).
Now here is where the fishy stuff starts:
Right before we moved in with my parents, BOO and SIL were beginning to considering selling their house. One day we were all over parent's house, and I mentioned in passing how the condition of our apartment had been (this was the day after), and how parents had suggested we move in. I shouldn't have said anything, but I was excited at the idea of saving for a down payment so fast, and I mentioned that too. Mom happily chimed in that we would have the whole left wing of their house for ourselves (3 bedrooms, a bathroom, and a den) and it would have almost all the privacy we needed. She also mentioned how she was so proud of us, because DH and I had built our lives all on our own. (BOO and other siblings have had massive loans from parents, cars gifted to them, etc. By the time I was old enough for any of that, they were dried out due to a sibling stealing a huge sum from them, so I never received any financial help from them).
BOO seemed disintersted and just said "Oh, that's interesting." Then BOO mentioned that if his house sold before he found another, he would be getting an apartment for his family in the meantime as he would not think of putting our parents out. First PA comment, but I let it slide.
After we had been moved in about a month (and after I quit my job), BOO suddenly called parents and said "We sold the house a few weeks ago, and now we have to be out by this weekend! Can we come stay with you all?" My parents have never been one to say no to their kids in need, so they said yes. So they move in THAT SAME DAY. I didn't even know until DH and I got home from an outing and I saw my two DNes marking up my new table with crayon. BOO made a comment about "Sorry we ruined your plan for the whole mini apartment within parents house thing" and laughed. The following things happened after they moved in:
-BOO and his family spread out everywhere. They took over the remaining two bedrooms, dismantled my couch/table in the den and crammed it with their stuff, took over the bathroom, even communal areas such as living and dining/kitchen.
-BOO let his children harrass my two dogs. DNe1 (10) and DNe2 (5), would chase them down and pull their tails, poke their eyes, try to stick toys in their ears, etc. I asked them to stop repeatedly but BOO always ignored it even if I saw him witness the behavior.
-BOO and SIL let their children leave toys everywhere. Several times I walked out into the kitchen to find it littered with legos, trucks, tiny cars. Once I tripped over a marble. BOO would let the kids make a mess, then just say "I'm tired, let's go to the bedroom and rest. We'll clean this later."
-BOO and SIL left the house in disgusting conditions. Once, they had a baking project with the kids, and left the kitchen counters with frosting, batter, spoons, etc for the whole day. If the kids spilled juice, food, etc, they would leave it on the table or floor and walk away. Often I cleaned up after them to have a damn place to eat.
-BOO and SIL let their children bang on DH and my bedroom door in the early mornings, esp on the weekends, and say nothing. Several times I opened my door to say "Guys, we are sleeping. Do not do that." They would laugh and BOO (in the next room over with the door open would say nothing.)
Throughout these incidents, BOO would act strange, almost smug? After a month of this insanity, I told DH I could not take it. He was also at the end of his rope and suggested we start the apartment search again. I informed parents. Mom was disappointed as she was looking forward to having LO around after she was born, but said she respected our decision 100%. When BOO heard he simply said "Oh, you are moving out? I guess we are too much for you to handle. Better get used to it, that's how kids are!"
We left. Since, it has been almost a year since he and his family first moved in (at first, he had said it would only be a month tops, which is why we were sticking it out). He is now in the process of overseeing construction of his own house. He's texted, emailed, called me about every detail of it. Saying things like "It's such a big house, and expensive, but we can afford it, so why not?" "Did you see the pictures of different finishes I sent you? They all cost X, and I know it's pricy, but we really deserve it." Then he'll go on and on and finish off with "Oh, how is the saving for a down payment coming?" He never fails to ask. He contacts me about once a week doing this exact routine. If I do not answer, he'll continue to message or even call and say he really wants my opinion. If I ignore those, he asks me in person why I've been ignoring him and brings up his house again.
I know I sound like a brat and entitled. I know I have no right to be angry. So why do I feel like BOO did this to me on purpose? Every time I begin to get over it, there he is again flaunting his new house in my face and asking me "When are you finally getting your own house?" "Have you saved a down payment yet?" "Renting is a waste of money, you know!" How can I get him to leave me the hell alone without coming across and resentful and jealous?
If you've made it til the end, thank you. This has been eating at me for a while and I need to hear opinions, even if they are all telling me I'm out of line.
