Setting boundaries update pg 7, 8

I'm trying to take a step back from MIL. I feel like she is too involved with my kids, and is totally my fault for not setting firm boundaries quickly.

Recently, I made a mistake of letting her babysit while I had a pressing project for three weeks and my husband went through surgery, and now she seems to think she is HBIC whenever we are together, as in taking a disciplinarian role with the kids, telling them they can stay the night without asking me first, those kinds of things.

Also, she made a comment about her other grandson feeling like he lost a parent when she moved away from him, and sometimes she promises my kids she'll never live far away from them.

Now I'm having nightmares about her walking in on intimate time between DH and me.

Basically, I need some space, and I don't want her to be a parent to our children. That's a job for me and DH.

This weekend DH is out of town. She invited me to dinner and I thanked her for the invitation, but passed on dinner.

Then she invited me for a class during weekday daytime hours when I have the kids and DH will be working. I told her no, I'll have the kids. She then tried to convince me to have DH watch them because he won't be out of town during that time. I BH'd.

Then she called DH and asked if I'm mad at her.

Today she told me she wants to take the kids to the aquarium this week if possible. She's thinking Tuesday. I told her DS is coming down with a cold. Her response? "Keep me posted, you can't keep them away from me forever."

Creepy.

I responded with ... and she responded with, I'm bringing tomatoes over tomorrow, followed by her asking if I also want cucumbers. And then apples.

I'm trying to decide how to approach the situation. Do I tell her it's rude not to ask, or do I let DH deliver the message? I feel more comfortable with DH doing it.

I feel like she's ramping up. I wasn't mad before, but I'm getting there.

What do I do?