I was told by my home board (DT) to come here, so this is kind of a cross post. I'll try to make it as condensed as possible, but some background is necessary.
I am the only child of a single mother and we were poor most of my life. So there was always this feeling of being all we had, us against the world. But she believed in corporal punishment. She spanked me until I was about ten and then that spanking turned to outright abuse - being held to the wall by my neck, slapped, dragged across the floor by my hair, threatened, etc. It took me until 18 to finally just hit her back. And then it was done, and I forgave her, and moved 3,000 miles away.
We had a really good relationship during the almost four years I was gone. I thought things were better, and when I got pregnant DH and I moved back home at her urging for both financial and emotional support (I could have stayed, but doing it this way allowed me to not go back to work right away and the place is much nicer than where we would have lived). This was a mistake.
She's not physical anymore, but she's extremely controlling and demands that I "respect" her. I get called disrespectful, spoiled and selfish on a regular basis for disagreeing with her and not bending to her every whim. She outright refuses to respect me because I "don't act like an adult". I don't get it. DH and I both work and we pay her money to live here. We care for our son by ourselves. I clean, but she constantly lies and says I don't. I used to cook dinner but she randomly decided I'm not allowed, I think as a means of punishing me because I enjoy cooking. Tonight she blew up at me because I basically said fuck it and cooked anyway. For everyone, including her.
I don't think she's a bad person but her worldview is fucked up. She's always the victim, she's never wrong. She expects everyone to live up to her impossibly high standards and nobody makes the cut. Nobody. Not her dad, not her brothers, not me. We're all awful and treat her like shit.
We're moving out very soon and I am seriously contemplating how to proceed with our relationship. She's my mom, you know, and I love her. And she adores my son. I don't want to be petty by withholding him from her because we have issues, but I also don't want him to think it's okay to be treated that way by someone, even if you love them. He's too young now, but that won't always be the case. I'd rather not cut her off, but I also don't want her to think she can treat me like she does without consequences.
Help me, DWIL!
I am the only child of a single mother and we were poor most of my life. So there was always this feeling of being all we had, us against the world. But she believed in corporal punishment. She spanked me until I was about ten and then that spanking turned to outright abuse - being held to the wall by my neck, slapped, dragged across the floor by my hair, threatened, etc. It took me until 18 to finally just hit her back. And then it was done, and I forgave her, and moved 3,000 miles away.
We had a really good relationship during the almost four years I was gone. I thought things were better, and when I got pregnant DH and I moved back home at her urging for both financial and emotional support (I could have stayed, but doing it this way allowed me to not go back to work right away and the place is much nicer than where we would have lived). This was a mistake.
She's not physical anymore, but she's extremely controlling and demands that I "respect" her. I get called disrespectful, spoiled and selfish on a regular basis for disagreeing with her and not bending to her every whim. She outright refuses to respect me because I "don't act like an adult". I don't get it. DH and I both work and we pay her money to live here. We care for our son by ourselves. I clean, but she constantly lies and says I don't. I used to cook dinner but she randomly decided I'm not allowed, I think as a means of punishing me because I enjoy cooking. Tonight she blew up at me because I basically said fuck it and cooked anyway. For everyone, including her.
I don't think she's a bad person but her worldview is fucked up. She's always the victim, she's never wrong. She expects everyone to live up to her impossibly high standards and nobody makes the cut. Nobody. Not her dad, not her brothers, not me. We're all awful and treat her like shit.
We're moving out very soon and I am seriously contemplating how to proceed with our relationship. She's my mom, you know, and I love her. And she adores my son. I don't want to be petty by withholding him from her because we have issues, but I also don't want him to think it's okay to be treated that way by someone, even if you love them. He's too young now, but that won't always be the case. I'd rather not cut her off, but I also don't want her to think she can treat me like she does without consequences.
Help me, DWIL!
