My mother and I have general boundaries that she has been great at following. We had a transition period, 9 yrs ago, when I was newly married and had my oldest, and in the end she was forced to realize that I am a full fledged adult with a nuclear family that doesn't include her. She is my extended family and peer.
Now on to our very new conflict. Friday evening my mother text me and asked me to call my adult brother(late 20s, single, child free, lives alone, independent), because she could tell he needed to "open-up to someone". I called. We talked, but I didnt dig. I let him know that if he needed anything I would be there for him. He said he had made some decisions that our mother wasn't happy with and he was in the process of fixing somethings. I text my mom after our talk and said "He's fine.". I thought that was the end of it and felt a little bad because I realized I FM'd my own brother on behalf of my mother. I told myself it wouldn't happen again.
This evening, my mother calls me and goes into a rant all about my brothers personal life, career issues, and suspected (by her) mental health issues. I first thought if I just didn't engage she would stop. I didnt ask any questions or say anything at all until I finally just needed it to stop.
I said "I don't want to have a gossip session about my brother."
She said "But he's your BROTHER. I thought you'd like to stay informed!"
I was calm the whole time and said "I do not want to gossip about my brother. If he wants me to know something I'm sure he'll tell me."
She hung up on me during that sentence and immediately text me "fuck u"
I thought that was it, but then about an hour later she text me a screen shot of the definition of "gossip", told me that everything she said was true and so it wasn't gossip, then said "learn the difference".
I ignored and kept calm. 30 minutes after that she called our house phone and told DD(9) that she is staying the night with my grandmother tonight because my grandmother had been in the ER all day after breaking her foot. She knew there was no chance that I would answer the house phone, it's basically the kids phone but in the living room.
If I don't want a CO or a TO, how do I make this a boundary that I want followed?
She has also vaguebooked a couple things this evening. One about not being able to handle anymore stress today. One that say today is not the day to mess with her. Don't make her go (insert her loud mouth, boundary stomping friends name here) on you.
