I was here a few days ago and have to admit, the comments were harsh and I wasn't ready to hear them. However, I had the conversation with my mom about not wanting LO around the negative comments about dh and I, and, of course, she got upset saying I was giving them an ultimatium. I told her that I don't like the "is your mommy or daddy being mean to you" (my dad is the one who says this, not my mom) and she said it was a "joke." I said, that was fine but now that you know I don't like it or want it said, I want it to stop. She goes in to defense mode and starts saying she can't control my day so we may have to just keep lo at our house. I told her that I will not have LO around the comments or she won't be around those saying the comments.
She changes the subject and starts saying I am taking up for dh and that he disrespected them. I told her he didn't disrespect them and told them the same things that they would have told their parents if their parents acted this way toward them when we were younger. She was still defensive. Not wanting to see anything (which I know I don't 'owe' them an explanation). My mom is the more dismissive one about my feelings by rolling eyes or just not wanting to "get it" and my dad the one who says the passive aggessive comments in front of LO.
I ended the conversation with mom and she walked out.
Well, yesterday, she texted me that and asked if I wanted them to see LO? I replied that I always want them to see her as long as the negative comments don't enter in to the equation. She starts again with defense, that "since dad can't joke with LO we won't be going." I told her, "that the choice of respect is theirs." This went on for hours (yes, I know I should have nipped it or not even responded at all, but I did which just fed in to everything). She even sent a text saying "I didn't say anything about yall; what are you talking about." I don't know if she is really lost as to the issue or just playing lost. Of course I have a heart and feelings. All of this hurt me so bad when she was texting that I am keeping LO from them and that LO will never know the love they have for her, and dh got his way, and that "nothing goes unpunished by Him(God)".
I got pissed at that point and said, "I don't think He will punish me. You and dad choose not to see LO from your actions and wanting to continue to say negative things or dismiss me as her mother, don't put the blame on me or try to make me feel guilty. That's all I have to say." And I have not responded to her since.
Of course, I am hurting today, my heart is heavy, they are my parents. I want a relationship with them and for them to have one with LO. I am human. Who wouldn't want this. Tell me it gets easier, please.
All I keep wondering is if I would have maybe had a more heart-felt conversaton with them rather than the abrupt, "stop or LO won't be around," would the outcome be different? I know everyone, when given an ultimatium gets defensive, so was a right in doing it THIS way?
Today, is just a rough day, as I am sure you all have had. This is the condensed version. More things were said than this with my conversation with mom 2 days ago, but I highlight the main points.
*Edited for typos
