If I disliked and mistrusted my ILs before, after yesterday I officially despise them and want nothing more to do with them.
BG: FIL is a controlling narc misogynist. He gets off on power. MIL is a manipulating enabler, and I feel there are elements of emotional incest with her and DuH. I feel like there are definite elements of GC and SG, with DuH being the SG and SIL the GC. They are bullying steam-rollers to DuH. They are super enmeshed with SIL and her kids. They are also unfortunately very sneaky in their disfunction. I've been with DuH 10 years and we have only begun to realize their true colors in the past couple of years.
Unfortunatley DuH and I were blind to their nastiness until after we'd purchased a house in their town and made plans to move there. Literally, we had just purchased the house days before, and they started showing their asses. This was an out of state move that we'd been planning and wanting for years. Not only had we wanted to be closer to the ILs, but we love the town they live in and wanted to settle there.
*TRIGGER* This was a couple years ago when a lot of military rapes were in the news, and FIL started going on about how women in the military are asking for it. I am a rape survivor and MIL is well aware of this fact as I used to confide in her. I got into a heated debate with him about this, he finally got offended that I used the F word (please note that I did not say "F you" but "That is Fing ridiculous" or something similar). DWIL, this man is a former military and fireman, I somehow doubt he has virgin ears. He just likes to get offended and play the injured party. From his responses I knew I'd never get through to him so we went to bed pissed off and disgusted. *end TRIGGER*
At the same time as this argument, it came out that SIL had forbidden them to drink when around our nephew (because they get nasty/verbally abusive when they drink). Not only do they drink like fish when nephew is around, but FIL has driven him home after he's been drinking. So SIL got involved in the argument because DuH was venting to her about how they get when they start drinking and we learned about this rule of hers that they have been flaunting for years. SIL was PISSED, rightfully so. She came over the next morning and she and DuH sat down with FIL, and I swear it was a fucking Twilight Zone, because DuH and I thought she was going to lose it on FIL, but instead she never raised her voice, and within like 5 minutes FIL had them all chuckling and laughing together.
So that along with all the misogyny got rugswept and I am still pissed about it.
We'd planned on moving within a couple of months, but between that blow up and some other red flags we saw on that trip, I started pulling back and pushing for some more time. The job market helped with that. Over the past couple years I found DWIL, lurked, and finally found my spine and told DuH that I still had a problem with the attitude that FIL showed and didn't think we'd be able to enjoy living there because of how over-bearing and controlling his family is. DuH agreed.
We finally, sadly and regretfully, put the house on the market a couple weeks ago. This was our first house in our dream town, and we never got to live in it. We got a fair offer pretty quickly and have been in the process of the home inspection etc. FIL has had a key from early on so he could go inside and do winterizing etc.
You can guess where this is going, right?
Yesterday our realtor contacted us wondering where DuH's bikes are. PILs have often gifted us with "hand-me-downs" over the years...they buy high quality stuff, so that even when they're done with them, they are still in excellent condition and better quality than we'd be able to afford. We have their old couch, arm chair, leather recliner, area rug.... (all of which I can't stand to look at right now and plan on replacing asap) Well when we bought the house, FIL gave DuH a couple of his old bikes. DuH loves to bike and has been looking forward to using these bikes for years. These are high end bicycles, worth thousands even used.
Well guess what, our realtor tells us that suddenly, the bikes are gone! I knew right away that FIL had taken them. It's just the kind of thing he would do. DuH had not been in contact with PILs for about a month and a half, we have been in therapy (marriage and individual) since May and he has been coming to terms with what jackasses his parents are. I'm sure FIL drove by one day, saw the For Sale sign, and got pissed and decided to take the bikes back to put us in our place.
I'm kicking myself for not having the realtor re-key the house first thing.
DWIL, I thought I had a DH. Unfortunately yesterday he officially earned his U. Instead of filing a police report, he called MIL on his drive home and had some stupid unicorn discussion. They gave some excuse that the bikes weren't getting used and they didn't want them going into the hands of strangers (WTF?), so they went in and took them back to sell. You know, instead of just calling and asking what we were planning to do with the bikes. Ftr, our realtor was going to ship them down to us.
Ugh LO just woke up, so I have to get going. I laid into DuH and told him them pulling this stunt was just them taking another big steaming crap on him, how it was about power and control etc etc. He got what I was saying but doesn't want to file a police report. He wants to "work on it with them." FIL doesn't have much time left and he doesn't want him to die while they're arguing.
Ugh!!! These people have damaged and mindfucked my DuH so much I can't even stand to think about them anymore. He is *starting* to come out of the fog but still has so much work to do.
We have our marriage counseling appointment this afternoon and I'm sure it will be monopolized by this stunt of theirs. I am so pissed!! I'm sick of these people! I officially want nothing more to do with them after this. They trespassed and stole from us. They disrespected my husband. I want to go nuclear!
