Hi everyone! I've been lurking this board for months now, trying to pick up pointers on how to establish boundaries with my in laws. I think it's finally time to create a thread and I'm excited to hear what you guys have to say.
Background: DH and I have been together for 4 years, and married for 1.5. I'm 26 weeks pregnant with our first child. My in laws live 2.5 hours away. The issues with them, especially my MIL, aren't new, unfortunately. I'd describe her as socially inappropriate and tactless, at best. At first, I thought she was just clueless, but I've noticed a side that I actually think is pretty calculated and passive aggressive. Most recently, she demanded 4x in one visit that I breastfeed, told me directly that she would be leaving work and staying in our city when I go into labor, telling us we forgot to sweep our stairs when they visited, etc. She openly argues with people in stores about her opinions. Unfortunately, my DH hasn't had a conversation with her/them about our no overnight visitors policy after the birth, and as we get closer... it's a major source of stress for me.
My DH doesn't get along well with MIL at all, and when they visit, he avoids talking to her. As a child, she was controlling, which led to his dad to become physical with him when he "disobeyed"... so I speculate my DH avoids her as a way to avoid a confrontation with FIL.
The Current: So, my reason for writing this thread is because my DH set up their 4th visit in the last 6 weeks for this weekend and I'm freaking pissed. DH is building an addition on our house and asked FIL if he's able to come help. Of course, this means MIL is tagging along too. The last 3 visits have included the guys working for 12 hours each day while I try my best to do my usual routine as my MIL hovers and nit picks over everything in our house. "Oh, your kitchen utensils are terrible." Last visit, the icing on the cake was that they brought their 2 dogs, who ended up peeing on our dog's bed and sleeping on our brand new sectional. I feel like the fact that they've visited 4 times in 6 weeks doesn't bode well for us establishing our own boundaries as a future family of 3.
Questions:
1. Am I wrong to go to my parents for the weekend? I hate the thought of running from my own house but I can't stand the thought of spending another weekend with her/them.
2. How can I help my DH to see that this negates the boundaries that I thought we were trying to establish before birth?
Background: DH and I have been together for 4 years, and married for 1.5. I'm 26 weeks pregnant with our first child. My in laws live 2.5 hours away. The issues with them, especially my MIL, aren't new, unfortunately. I'd describe her as socially inappropriate and tactless, at best. At first, I thought she was just clueless, but I've noticed a side that I actually think is pretty calculated and passive aggressive. Most recently, she demanded 4x in one visit that I breastfeed, told me directly that she would be leaving work and staying in our city when I go into labor, telling us we forgot to sweep our stairs when they visited, etc. She openly argues with people in stores about her opinions. Unfortunately, my DH hasn't had a conversation with her/them about our no overnight visitors policy after the birth, and as we get closer... it's a major source of stress for me.
My DH doesn't get along well with MIL at all, and when they visit, he avoids talking to her. As a child, she was controlling, which led to his dad to become physical with him when he "disobeyed"... so I speculate my DH avoids her as a way to avoid a confrontation with FIL.
The Current: So, my reason for writing this thread is because my DH set up their 4th visit in the last 6 weeks for this weekend and I'm freaking pissed. DH is building an addition on our house and asked FIL if he's able to come help. Of course, this means MIL is tagging along too. The last 3 visits have included the guys working for 12 hours each day while I try my best to do my usual routine as my MIL hovers and nit picks over everything in our house. "Oh, your kitchen utensils are terrible." Last visit, the icing on the cake was that they brought their 2 dogs, who ended up peeing on our dog's bed and sleeping on our brand new sectional. I feel like the fact that they've visited 4 times in 6 weeks doesn't bode well for us establishing our own boundaries as a future family of 3.
Questions:
1. Am I wrong to go to my parents for the weekend? I hate the thought of running from my own house but I can't stand the thought of spending another weekend with her/them.
2. How can I help my DH to see that this negates the boundaries that I thought we were trying to establish before birth?
