i posted this in my birth board and was told I should post here as well.
My life is just so confusing right now. I don't even know how to explain and where to start, but I'll try. I'm just looking for clarity or advice, and also just need to vent.
Here's a little backstory: I've been married almost 10 years. This is our third child. This is going to be long and it won't even cover everything.
My husband's parents have been helping him/us with money ever since I met my husband. He was 23 when we started dating and now is 35. I am 32. I was finishing college when we met. I had no student loans or debt. My parents paid for college and I worked while attending school to pay for everything else. My husband was given an open ended credit card for college as well as his parents paying for school. He ended up taking out student loans for additional living(aka fun).
I paid my way until we had our first child(I was 25 ). Then I stayed home with our son. I took care of a couple other kids in our home to make some extra income until our second child was born(I was 28 )Our second child was born with medical issues and had a really tough first year with surgeries and doctor appointments, so I stayed home with the kids. My husband works as a real estate agent, so income is variable. While building his business, his parents gave him money to support the business and family. He still spent frivolously. I have tried for many years to get him to care about saving for our future and making good financial choices. He always brushes it off and just spends whatever he wants referring to his inheritance. Almost every month, his parents have given us money. It has always bothered me but I don't feel I have any control. I fought it for so many years, and over the past year or so I've given up and just ignored it. I just let him deal with his parents and I'm trying to just focus on the kids since we just had our third and I'm so busy. Things have gotten way worse this year. He has been drinking a lot, and when he drinks, he gets really wasted. He has been gambling at casinos, which I don't agree with. He has not been very helpful with our kids. He loves them for sure, but when it comes to the daily tasks, I'm stuck doing everything. Even after a csection, I had to give the boys baths and do all of the routine when got home after 3 days post csection. I don't think my husband understands how hard this has been on me. I think he is stressed and only thinks of his own needs. I don't think he hears me anymore when I talk.
So, the last two months have been crazy. 2 weeks before having the baby, my in-laws offered to help us buy a house in exchange for us having a room for them to stay when they visit(they live 4 hours away). We only had 3 bedrooms and have lived in our house almost 10 years. The new house is closer to school, and a perfect layout for our family. It has an in law quarters off the garage, so it just made sense. We moved in 3 weeks ago. Well, In laws are staying with us for Xmas. They have been here for a week. It has been okay, some ups and downs, until today.
They talked to us about money and said we will work together to fix finances. Problem is that I think my husband blames me to them for a lot of things. He is 99% the problem here(financially). I think he tells them that I need certain things and that is why we need the money. For instance, we got new flooring, which I was totally fine waiting until we could save for it. I think he told them that I really needed it to be comfortable, when really he demanded it had to be done before he moved in. Many things like that. I'm just so uncomfortable around his parents, always have been because of finances. Ive always been so angry at the way he was raised, no consequences and open ended credit cards. I can't sleep tonight because I'm just fuming and feeling so out of control. I had a nightmare that I told his parents how he has been acting(drinking, gambling, not helping with kids) and in the nightmare he was so angry at me that I was afraid. I want his parents to know that this is not my fault, but I don't want to sacrifice my marriage. I'm just lost and confused and tired with a newborn. Thanks for reading of you got this far.
My life is just so confusing right now. I don't even know how to explain and where to start, but I'll try. I'm just looking for clarity or advice, and also just need to vent.
Here's a little backstory: I've been married almost 10 years. This is our third child. This is going to be long and it won't even cover everything.
My husband's parents have been helping him/us with money ever since I met my husband. He was 23 when we started dating and now is 35. I am 32. I was finishing college when we met. I had no student loans or debt. My parents paid for college and I worked while attending school to pay for everything else. My husband was given an open ended credit card for college as well as his parents paying for school. He ended up taking out student loans for additional living(aka fun).
I paid my way until we had our first child(I was 25 ). Then I stayed home with our son. I took care of a couple other kids in our home to make some extra income until our second child was born(I was 28 )Our second child was born with medical issues and had a really tough first year with surgeries and doctor appointments, so I stayed home with the kids. My husband works as a real estate agent, so income is variable. While building his business, his parents gave him money to support the business and family. He still spent frivolously. I have tried for many years to get him to care about saving for our future and making good financial choices. He always brushes it off and just spends whatever he wants referring to his inheritance. Almost every month, his parents have given us money. It has always bothered me but I don't feel I have any control. I fought it for so many years, and over the past year or so I've given up and just ignored it. I just let him deal with his parents and I'm trying to just focus on the kids since we just had our third and I'm so busy. Things have gotten way worse this year. He has been drinking a lot, and when he drinks, he gets really wasted. He has been gambling at casinos, which I don't agree with. He has not been very helpful with our kids. He loves them for sure, but when it comes to the daily tasks, I'm stuck doing everything. Even after a csection, I had to give the boys baths and do all of the routine when got home after 3 days post csection. I don't think my husband understands how hard this has been on me. I think he is stressed and only thinks of his own needs. I don't think he hears me anymore when I talk.
So, the last two months have been crazy. 2 weeks before having the baby, my in-laws offered to help us buy a house in exchange for us having a room for them to stay when they visit(they live 4 hours away). We only had 3 bedrooms and have lived in our house almost 10 years. The new house is closer to school, and a perfect layout for our family. It has an in law quarters off the garage, so it just made sense. We moved in 3 weeks ago. Well, In laws are staying with us for Xmas. They have been here for a week. It has been okay, some ups and downs, until today.
They talked to us about money and said we will work together to fix finances. Problem is that I think my husband blames me to them for a lot of things. He is 99% the problem here(financially). I think he tells them that I need certain things and that is why we need the money. For instance, we got new flooring, which I was totally fine waiting until we could save for it. I think he told them that I really needed it to be comfortable, when really he demanded it had to be done before he moved in. Many things like that. I'm just so uncomfortable around his parents, always have been because of finances. Ive always been so angry at the way he was raised, no consequences and open ended credit cards. I can't sleep tonight because I'm just fuming and feeling so out of control. I had a nightmare that I told his parents how he has been acting(drinking, gambling, not helping with kids) and in the nightmare he was so angry at me that I was afraid. I want his parents to know that this is not my fault, but I don't want to sacrifice my marriage. I'm just lost and confused and tired with a newborn. Thanks for reading of you got this far.
