I don't have any BG. I've been lurking, learning, and commenting. I've read the sticky. We are in individual counseling and start couples in two weeks.
My DH has a huge, glittering unicorn for his FOO. They're religious and super "nice", so it's hard for me to explain why some of the shit his mom does is beyond the pale. She's masterful at passive aggressive commentary, and DUH always interprets it as her trying to include me, be nice, you name it. Never as the bitchy, controlling behavior it actually is. She's the kind to manipulate with tears, have to go lie down for half a day if her feelings are hurt, that sort of nonsense.
She ruined my birth experience, we've been trying to heal from that. DUH apologized profusely after several weeks of fighting me about it. He finally came home after talking on the phone to one of his siblings and then going to individual counseling and told me he boundary issues were largely his fault, and he was sorry. He'll do better.
He has been doing much better. LO is a few months old now, and it's LO's first Christmas. LO is the first grandchild and DUH was too, on both sides. The holidays are hard for me because a lot of important people in my life are dead, including my mom.
We came to compromises about how we'd spend Christmas this year. No overnight, we came to his parents' house for Christmas eve and we are going home before dark. They live about two hours away.
Here's my dilemma. Some childhood friend of MIL's is always sending dumb shit through the mail to give to LO. Mostly useless crap. As we were all sitting down to open gifts, MIL says, "oh here are some gifts FRIEND sent." There's an ornament with a year on it, and it's not this year. Okay, fine, whatever. But there's also a "baby's first Christmas" gender appropriate Santa hat. She says she wants to get a picture of LO in it for FRIEND, I ignore and bean dip (Thanks, DWIL!) But then in the midst of gift opening she comes over while LO is on my lap and tries to put the hat on him "just to get a picture". I balk, she asks me if it's okay, and the shiny spine I've been working on crumbled, I give in to not cause a scene.
I'm in the other room breastfeeding right now, but I'm sick. I'm ill over my miserable lack of a spine, over DUH's idiocy by not seeing the issue with this sort of thing, over us being here at all...technically we did the first Christmas with then since we won't open gifts until tomorrow.
The thing is, she posts pictures on the debil without asking, including really unflattering shots of me because I'm holding LO. I have a sinking feeling these will end up on the debil, if they're not there already, I can't bring myself to check.
Help me, DWIL. How do I describe why this is a big deal? DUH doesn't get it. I'm not sure how to make him get it. And honestly I'm not even sure why it feels like such a big deal to me. There are much bigger issues I life but somehow this just felt like a violation.
If I disappear, it's not a hair flip, but I have to go sit through dinner sometime in the next hour.
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QUESTION 25: was a swarm of FMs one of the biblical plagues? Updates throughout, some triggers
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