My in laws are now retired. FIL retired in 2012, MIL retired in 2014. Pre retirement, we only saw them once a year because they live overseas.
2012
As soon as FIL retired, he made plans to visit us. Ok, no biggie. He visited in the June, and left in mid July. He called in September saying he was returning in December with MIL. Ok, nice seeing you, enjoy 2013.
2013
He came again in June and stayed until September. His stay was to see our state, then he took trips to Vegas, California and then New York to see Times Square as he had never been before. He came back from NY in the first week of September, then left us to go home in the third week.
Thanks for visiting, enjoy your life.
2014
He traveled to New York with friends, then made a trip to Florida. He ended up getting sick and was hospitalized for a week. DH had to go help him out.
He left, and decided to recuperate. Great!
MIL retired in 2014.
She told us FIL was grumpy, and she wasn't going to spend her retirement miserable. So she booked a flight to visit us in 2014. She came for two weeks. By early 2015 she was back but came with FIL. They stayed at our house, then took trips to New York for her to see. Then they went to California on wine tours. After the wine tour, came back to us for a few days until their return date.
In June, FILL called asking our Christmas plans. DH told them we were going at my family. We had to fly out. He asked whether they could go. DH told him no as it was a small gathering and would be inappropriate. To speak his mind, he told FI.l they needed to stop wasting their retirement funds on trips. He told FIL his house wasn't a hotel and if their trips were to be for going to other states, they should go to those states without coming to our house as a lay over. He told FIL he wasn't going to tolerate their random trips anymore.
January 2016
They were in Florida. Apparently FIL has a friend with family there. They were going on a road trip with intentions of ending in our state, then fly out to another state which would be their last stop until they returned home. Their friend and his wife were going to be traveling with them. FIL wanted to spend the few days in our state by us while he showed his friends around the state.
We got a call from his friend saying that FIL had a minor heart attack and is in the hospital. DH told the friend thanks for informing him, but he wasn't going to be flying there to see his father, or mother, because he never knew of their trip. He hung up on the man. MIL called asking for help because as a foreigner in a US hospital, you have to pay big bucks. DH told MIL he had no knowledge of them being in the country, and since they are grown adults, get themselves out their own problems. He slammed the phone down.
Why didn't he want to help? He didn't want to use our money to help foot their hospital Bill. We found out through Facebook from MIL on a post how they felt about us. It stated how we refused to help FIL, and if it weren't for their friends, they would be in jeopardy.
FIL got released and had to recuperate at his friend. We got the following message
"I guess you heard of my heart attack. The amount of money I had to get was pathetic, but thanks to my wife, our friends, and what money we have, I was able to pay. The doctor who saw me wants to do a follow up with me in six months so I'm going to come back here around the time. We need medical money for seeing the doctor, and im asking if you can put aside your resentment by either letting us stay at you during that time, or you fly out to Florida to be with us, and at least help in a monetary contribution to my bills. There are some medications I would have to be using now, but they are costly back home. You're my son, I don't wish to ask my friend anymore to help me. It looks bad I have a son and his wife here who won't help me. Below is the name of the medications I'll be needing. Would you send them to me, please?"
This letter changed DH to be more compassinonate towards FIL. He's willing to help them out. I told him the letter was guilt tripping as his parents didn't have to see the doctor again. Two days after the letter, MIL called to tell us she was sending their clothes as packages to us for keep until they come back. Her reason is that they bought lots of things and didn't want FIL carrying heavy luggage.
Red flags, or am I overreacting?
2012
As soon as FIL retired, he made plans to visit us. Ok, no biggie. He visited in the June, and left in mid July. He called in September saying he was returning in December with MIL. Ok, nice seeing you, enjoy 2013.
2013
He came again in June and stayed until September. His stay was to see our state, then he took trips to Vegas, California and then New York to see Times Square as he had never been before. He came back from NY in the first week of September, then left us to go home in the third week.
Thanks for visiting, enjoy your life.
2014
He traveled to New York with friends, then made a trip to Florida. He ended up getting sick and was hospitalized for a week. DH had to go help him out.
He left, and decided to recuperate. Great!
MIL retired in 2014.
She told us FIL was grumpy, and she wasn't going to spend her retirement miserable. So she booked a flight to visit us in 2014. She came for two weeks. By early 2015 she was back but came with FIL. They stayed at our house, then took trips to New York for her to see. Then they went to California on wine tours. After the wine tour, came back to us for a few days until their return date.
In June, FILL called asking our Christmas plans. DH told them we were going at my family. We had to fly out. He asked whether they could go. DH told him no as it was a small gathering and would be inappropriate. To speak his mind, he told FI.l they needed to stop wasting their retirement funds on trips. He told FIL his house wasn't a hotel and if their trips were to be for going to other states, they should go to those states without coming to our house as a lay over. He told FIL he wasn't going to tolerate their random trips anymore.
January 2016
They were in Florida. Apparently FIL has a friend with family there. They were going on a road trip with intentions of ending in our state, then fly out to another state which would be their last stop until they returned home. Their friend and his wife were going to be traveling with them. FIL wanted to spend the few days in our state by us while he showed his friends around the state.
We got a call from his friend saying that FIL had a minor heart attack and is in the hospital. DH told the friend thanks for informing him, but he wasn't going to be flying there to see his father, or mother, because he never knew of their trip. He hung up on the man. MIL called asking for help because as a foreigner in a US hospital, you have to pay big bucks. DH told MIL he had no knowledge of them being in the country, and since they are grown adults, get themselves out their own problems. He slammed the phone down.
Why didn't he want to help? He didn't want to use our money to help foot their hospital Bill. We found out through Facebook from MIL on a post how they felt about us. It stated how we refused to help FIL, and if it weren't for their friends, they would be in jeopardy.
FIL got released and had to recuperate at his friend. We got the following message
"I guess you heard of my heart attack. The amount of money I had to get was pathetic, but thanks to my wife, our friends, and what money we have, I was able to pay. The doctor who saw me wants to do a follow up with me in six months so I'm going to come back here around the time. We need medical money for seeing the doctor, and im asking if you can put aside your resentment by either letting us stay at you during that time, or you fly out to Florida to be with us, and at least help in a monetary contribution to my bills. There are some medications I would have to be using now, but they are costly back home. You're my son, I don't wish to ask my friend anymore to help me. It looks bad I have a son and his wife here who won't help me. Below is the name of the medications I'll be needing. Would you send them to me, please?"
This letter changed DH to be more compassinonate towards FIL. He's willing to help them out. I told him the letter was guilt tripping as his parents didn't have to see the doctor again. Two days after the letter, MIL called to tell us she was sending their clothes as packages to us for keep until they come back. Her reason is that they bought lots of things and didn't want FIL carrying heavy luggage.
Red flags, or am I overreacting?