Hello, I've been introduced to Babycenter for my pregnancy, especially this group. My best friend recommended the group for its wide advice.
I got married seven months ago. I'm in my final semester of College, while my husband is in the work force. He graduated last year. We still live in our college town. Both our parents accepted our engagement and encouraged us to marry. We didn't want to marry so fast, but they insisted, and contributed to our wedding. We were grateful for their support.
His parents are attached to him, if that makes sense. They never wanted him to attend college out of state. So he chose in state where I followed him, as we were dating for years. They spoiled him especially his dad who has an entitled, I'm better than you personality. His dad is someone who feels he needs to live in a posh neighborhood, have expensive house, cars, travel a lot, and show off his life. With such personality, he gave his son expensive stuff as soon as he turned 18. When he was in college, his parents visited him every weekend possible to spend time with him. They would go and still do, drive out to watch games, and want him there with them. Since he graduated last year and got a job, he has a different schedule than mine. On weekends, they would take random trips and want him go with them. He has had to tell them no because he doesn't want to leave me home alone, and has duties to our house.
If he won't go with them, they go on their own. When they come back, they'll have gifts for us both. On social media, his mom loves to do what is called throwback Thursday. So every Thursday, she uploads old photos of him. From baby stage to adult stage. Her photos are fun, but she speaks highly of how much she misses her baby boy, and still can't believe he's out of college, making his own money, and is married. There were times she uses emoticons to express her feelings and they'll be of the crying one. She'll tell people how much she misses her son, and the quiet house sucks. At our wedding, which she didn't handle well, she cried throughout the whole reception. Every moment she could get, she wanted a mother son dance, and when they did dance, she cried on him. It was crazy.
The same day I found out I was pregnant, I called him as he was at work. We later told both our parents. His mom told us it was great news as she couldn't wait to get a grandma. She and FIL wanted us to move out our house and into theirs as there was space, and be better. We told them no as we loved our house and neighborhood. MIL felt it was stupid because we needed space, planning of a better home, and be under the same roof with them. Her son told her we weren't moving, and there was no need for further discussion on it.
Since pregnancy news, she bakes comfort food for us, and drops it off. To her, getting good nutrition is better than eating junk food. Whenever we invite them over, or we go to their home, MIL gets on like she is 23 like him. She sits next to him, talks like a peer, or if he's standing having a discussion with someone, she goes up to him, hugs him, doesn't let go, and boasts about how much he looks like her, how proud she is of him, and let's it be known she wished he waited until 30 to marry. This makes him embarassed and uncomfortable.
When it was football season, FIL liked to have DH spend time with him to go to watch the games at sports bars. He didn't like leaving me home alone if I was free, so took me with him. I'm not a football person, so my mood would be meh. FIL would call me out for being a bore, and say I should have stood home. He'll say in front us how their time was men time, and if I was bored, I could spend my time with MIL.
I'm due in August, and trying to finish my semester, and graduate. On weekends which are my time, his mom calls asking for shopping dates. I would say thanks, but I can't go because of my studies. She doesn't like it. She'll go places shopping, and any cut baby things she sees, she would take photos of them and send them to me. It's hard enough because she got someone to print a shirt for her, FIL and my husband. Her shirt says "Head Nana", FIL shirt says "big Papa". They wear it constantly, and like to show off about what good grandparents they'll be.
We had a discussion about what we'll do after our baby is born. We plan that for me, stay home for two months, while applying for work. We wish to have a daycare look after our baby. FIL doesn't like it. He wants to provide for our baby the same way he did for his son. He wants to hire a nanny. I told him we need to be in control of our life, and having parental help makes it look bad. He said all he's wanting to do is look after his son, and grandchild to be. He said he did us a favor by helping with our wedding, and the least we could do is be respectful and maintain our relationship. This man is stupid, because he doesn't like me calling him "dad". He wants me to address him as Mr. Last name. MIL lets me call her by her first name, or mom. Whenever I'm around her, she tells people im her daughter, and how her daughter is having her grandbaby.
I'm grateful for all they've done, but feel my marriage and pregnancy are a different ship, and we need to sail on our own. It feels like we are anchored at bay, and being held down by them.
How do we work this out?
I got married seven months ago. I'm in my final semester of College, while my husband is in the work force. He graduated last year. We still live in our college town. Both our parents accepted our engagement and encouraged us to marry. We didn't want to marry so fast, but they insisted, and contributed to our wedding. We were grateful for their support.
His parents are attached to him, if that makes sense. They never wanted him to attend college out of state. So he chose in state where I followed him, as we were dating for years. They spoiled him especially his dad who has an entitled, I'm better than you personality. His dad is someone who feels he needs to live in a posh neighborhood, have expensive house, cars, travel a lot, and show off his life. With such personality, he gave his son expensive stuff as soon as he turned 18. When he was in college, his parents visited him every weekend possible to spend time with him. They would go and still do, drive out to watch games, and want him there with them. Since he graduated last year and got a job, he has a different schedule than mine. On weekends, they would take random trips and want him go with them. He has had to tell them no because he doesn't want to leave me home alone, and has duties to our house.
If he won't go with them, they go on their own. When they come back, they'll have gifts for us both. On social media, his mom loves to do what is called throwback Thursday. So every Thursday, she uploads old photos of him. From baby stage to adult stage. Her photos are fun, but she speaks highly of how much she misses her baby boy, and still can't believe he's out of college, making his own money, and is married. There were times she uses emoticons to express her feelings and they'll be of the crying one. She'll tell people how much she misses her son, and the quiet house sucks. At our wedding, which she didn't handle well, she cried throughout the whole reception. Every moment she could get, she wanted a mother son dance, and when they did dance, she cried on him. It was crazy.
The same day I found out I was pregnant, I called him as he was at work. We later told both our parents. His mom told us it was great news as she couldn't wait to get a grandma. She and FIL wanted us to move out our house and into theirs as there was space, and be better. We told them no as we loved our house and neighborhood. MIL felt it was stupid because we needed space, planning of a better home, and be under the same roof with them. Her son told her we weren't moving, and there was no need for further discussion on it.
Since pregnancy news, she bakes comfort food for us, and drops it off. To her, getting good nutrition is better than eating junk food. Whenever we invite them over, or we go to their home, MIL gets on like she is 23 like him. She sits next to him, talks like a peer, or if he's standing having a discussion with someone, she goes up to him, hugs him, doesn't let go, and boasts about how much he looks like her, how proud she is of him, and let's it be known she wished he waited until 30 to marry. This makes him embarassed and uncomfortable.
When it was football season, FIL liked to have DH spend time with him to go to watch the games at sports bars. He didn't like leaving me home alone if I was free, so took me with him. I'm not a football person, so my mood would be meh. FIL would call me out for being a bore, and say I should have stood home. He'll say in front us how their time was men time, and if I was bored, I could spend my time with MIL.
I'm due in August, and trying to finish my semester, and graduate. On weekends which are my time, his mom calls asking for shopping dates. I would say thanks, but I can't go because of my studies. She doesn't like it. She'll go places shopping, and any cut baby things she sees, she would take photos of them and send them to me. It's hard enough because she got someone to print a shirt for her, FIL and my husband. Her shirt says "Head Nana", FIL shirt says "big Papa". They wear it constantly, and like to show off about what good grandparents they'll be.
We had a discussion about what we'll do after our baby is born. We plan that for me, stay home for two months, while applying for work. We wish to have a daycare look after our baby. FIL doesn't like it. He wants to provide for our baby the same way he did for his son. He wants to hire a nanny. I told him we need to be in control of our life, and having parental help makes it look bad. He said all he's wanting to do is look after his son, and grandchild to be. He said he did us a favor by helping with our wedding, and the least we could do is be respectful and maintain our relationship. This man is stupid, because he doesn't like me calling him "dad". He wants me to address him as Mr. Last name. MIL lets me call her by her first name, or mom. Whenever I'm around her, she tells people im her daughter, and how her daughter is having her grandbaby.
I'm grateful for all they've done, but feel my marriage and pregnancy are a different ship, and we need to sail on our own. It feels like we are anchored at bay, and being held down by them.
How do we work this out?