I need your honest opinion, DWILers.
So MiL and I have had a rocky relationship over the 3,5 years of my marriage. DuH went to couples therapy with me. He did change his outlook a bit, but still justifies mommy. He's the golden child.
He did talk to MIL before explaining how she's rude. She is now trying to put on a show of how nice she is by addressing the correspondence to our family (and not just DH) and saying "say hi to OP" on the phone while talking to DH.
She lives states away from us and rarely visits (maybe 2 times a year at best). I've been going to individual therapy and trying to build a relationship with her. I've been sending emails, texts and gifts to her, asking her out to lunch. My ego feels like a doormat. I was always thinking I'm doing this now for a happier bigger family.
Oh well. MIL was PA last visit, made a couple of snark comments, and left. She didn't want to be called grandma, just "mama", and when DH told her no, she called herself "auntie". I kept silent the entire week's visit, but in the end it was clear we were all over each other and that was too much. I expressed my feelings with DuH and he invalidated them which is the reason why I went to the individual therapy. My therapist told me to send MiL emails with pictures of kids since we are off debil and she refused several times to register on skype. So I sent her several emails, a letter, texts. All I got was a short email - reply to my long letter, - saying that she doesn't understand what I'm trying to achieve and that she loves her DIL. This is exactly what she said: "Hi DIL, .... I love my DIL, no worries". She calls me DIL though again, as a proper doormat, I've been calling her "mom".
The issue is, for some reason or other, I feel terribly hurt by her ignoring me. She has been snubbing me in the past, but these days I felt totally hurt and upset about it. Because I felt like aren't we supposed to move on? I hate being ignored and it hurts. I told so to DuH and he again, no surprise, invalidated my feelings. He's saying I should not be hurt by her not replying. She might be busy. If it's consistent, then she still might be busy and they aren't a very close family, anyway. He makes up excuses for her all the time. And he tells me I have self-esteem problems because I'm so vulnerable. He says I should be like a rock - solid and emotionless. He believes I must ignore.
When I tell him I'd rather CO MIL not to feel hurt, he gets outraged. He screams, up to the point of emotional abuse. He tells me I'm COing him by COing myself because he needs to be with me during the visits, and the kids need to have a relationship with her. DuH otherwise is a great supportive and wonderful H, it's only when it comes to mommy he's really crazy to defend her and dismiss how I feel. He won't do therapy again, and won't even accept the fact that MIL will be COd or at least have to stay at a hotel during visits.
I'm at a dead end right now. Can you share your thoughts on this, please? Am I overreacting? How can I MAKE myself to ignore and bean dip?
So MiL and I have had a rocky relationship over the 3,5 years of my marriage. DuH went to couples therapy with me. He did change his outlook a bit, but still justifies mommy. He's the golden child.
He did talk to MIL before explaining how she's rude. She is now trying to put on a show of how nice she is by addressing the correspondence to our family (and not just DH) and saying "say hi to OP" on the phone while talking to DH.
She lives states away from us and rarely visits (maybe 2 times a year at best). I've been going to individual therapy and trying to build a relationship with her. I've been sending emails, texts and gifts to her, asking her out to lunch. My ego feels like a doormat. I was always thinking I'm doing this now for a happier bigger family.
Oh well. MIL was PA last visit, made a couple of snark comments, and left. She didn't want to be called grandma, just "mama", and when DH told her no, she called herself "auntie". I kept silent the entire week's visit, but in the end it was clear we were all over each other and that was too much. I expressed my feelings with DuH and he invalidated them which is the reason why I went to the individual therapy. My therapist told me to send MiL emails with pictures of kids since we are off debil and she refused several times to register on skype. So I sent her several emails, a letter, texts. All I got was a short email - reply to my long letter, - saying that she doesn't understand what I'm trying to achieve and that she loves her DIL. This is exactly what she said: "Hi DIL, .... I love my DIL, no worries". She calls me DIL though again, as a proper doormat, I've been calling her "mom".
The issue is, for some reason or other, I feel terribly hurt by her ignoring me. She has been snubbing me in the past, but these days I felt totally hurt and upset about it. Because I felt like aren't we supposed to move on? I hate being ignored and it hurts. I told so to DuH and he again, no surprise, invalidated my feelings. He's saying I should not be hurt by her not replying. She might be busy. If it's consistent, then she still might be busy and they aren't a very close family, anyway. He makes up excuses for her all the time. And he tells me I have self-esteem problems because I'm so vulnerable. He says I should be like a rock - solid and emotionless. He believes I must ignore.
When I tell him I'd rather CO MIL not to feel hurt, he gets outraged. He screams, up to the point of emotional abuse. He tells me I'm COing him by COing myself because he needs to be with me during the visits, and the kids need to have a relationship with her. DuH otherwise is a great supportive and wonderful H, it's only when it comes to mommy he's really crazy to defend her and dismiss how I feel. He won't do therapy again, and won't even accept the fact that MIL will be COd or at least have to stay at a hotel during visits.
I'm at a dead end right now. Can you share your thoughts on this, please? Am I overreacting? How can I MAKE myself to ignore and bean dip?