This happened at Christmas, and I am still struggling with it. I thought I'd post here to get some outside perspective. I am soo broken I don't know how to feel. I don't know if I am "too emotional from my loss" or if I am justified in being upset with my SOO.
Back in October, at a family event I announced that I was expecting. My SOO then announced that she and her DH were trying.
**TRIGGER**
On November 30th at 26 weeks, I lost my son. I went for a check up and they couldn't find his heartbeat. The next day I went to the hospital where I was induced and forced to give birth to him.
I can't even put into words how much this broke me so I'm not even going to try
*** end trigger ***
Fast-forward to Christmas Day.
I wanted to sleep through Christmas and not even acknowledge it, but I have other children so that wasn't an option. My husband convinced me we should go to my parents for Xmas dinner, because it's what we do every year and he thought it would be good for the kids and for me.
We were the last to arrive and after we finished saying hello to everyone my sister bursted out that she was pregnant. She had already announced it to everyone else before we got there so the second announcement was for me. I knew they were trying, I knew before going that it was a possibility, I really expected for her to make the announcement so it wasn't a total shock. I was happy for her, I still am happy for her I know she has wanted this baby for a very long time. She has two older children and she's wanted a third since the others were little but her husband didn't want a third. So I know she was very excited when he agreed to try, and even more excited now that she's pregnant.
She was so excited that she spent the next 5-6hours that we were there talking non stop about being pregnant and about her baby. Now, I don't need people tip-toeing around me because of my loss but a little common sense and discretion would have been nice because it got bad... After awhile of her talking I went kind numb and zoned out but here are some of the things she said to me that really stand out:
"I better be having a girl if this is another boy I'm going to tell the doctor I don't want it"
"I can't wait to be past the first trimester so that I don't have to worry about anything anymore"
"I have girl names picked out already, what boy names did you have picked out?"
"I can't wait to feel the baby move, there's nothing better than feeling your baby move inside you"
To my kids- "auntie is having a baby aren't you so excited to have a little cousin"
There was a lot more said, but that's all I remember at the moment. The worst, is this lovely conversation.
**I have a son who just turned 2, and while I was still pregnant we bought him new "big boy" furniture so we could move the crib and other baby furniture into our fourth bedroom to make a new nursery. **
SOO- "So what are you doing with Henry's crib?"
Me- "it's gone, I had to get rid of it"
SOO- "gone where? What do you mean?"
Me-"I couldn't look at it anymore I needed it out of my house, DH got rid of it"
SOO- "wtf, you knew I was trying why would you do that I was kinda counting on it now, now I'm going to have to go out and buy one"
Me- "yah I guess you are"
SOO- "what about the rest of the set?"
Me-"it's all gone"
SOO- "nice!" Said in the bitchiest tone possible... "Well you better have saved me all the baby clothes at least"
Me- ignoring her and walking away....
We left shortly after this exchange I was shaking mad. I still can't believe she asked for my dead child's things and then got upset with me that I couldn't / wouldn't give them to her.
She's called me and Facebook messaged me a bunch of times since Christmas all of which I have BH'd. Because each time it's to complain about being pregnant. To bitch about how much she has to buy for the baby. Or to ask for my remaining baby stuff.
Was she that excited? Just oblivious to my feelings? Or was she being intentionally hurtful?
Or am I just over reacting? Being too sensitive?
Back in October, at a family event I announced that I was expecting. My SOO then announced that she and her DH were trying.
**TRIGGER**
On November 30th at 26 weeks, I lost my son. I went for a check up and they couldn't find his heartbeat. The next day I went to the hospital where I was induced and forced to give birth to him.
I can't even put into words how much this broke me so I'm not even going to try
*** end trigger ***
Fast-forward to Christmas Day.
I wanted to sleep through Christmas and not even acknowledge it, but I have other children so that wasn't an option. My husband convinced me we should go to my parents for Xmas dinner, because it's what we do every year and he thought it would be good for the kids and for me.
We were the last to arrive and after we finished saying hello to everyone my sister bursted out that she was pregnant. She had already announced it to everyone else before we got there so the second announcement was for me. I knew they were trying, I knew before going that it was a possibility, I really expected for her to make the announcement so it wasn't a total shock. I was happy for her, I still am happy for her I know she has wanted this baby for a very long time. She has two older children and she's wanted a third since the others were little but her husband didn't want a third. So I know she was very excited when he agreed to try, and even more excited now that she's pregnant.
She was so excited that she spent the next 5-6hours that we were there talking non stop about being pregnant and about her baby. Now, I don't need people tip-toeing around me because of my loss but a little common sense and discretion would have been nice because it got bad... After awhile of her talking I went kind numb and zoned out but here are some of the things she said to me that really stand out:
"I better be having a girl if this is another boy I'm going to tell the doctor I don't want it"
"I can't wait to be past the first trimester so that I don't have to worry about anything anymore"
"I have girl names picked out already, what boy names did you have picked out?"
"I can't wait to feel the baby move, there's nothing better than feeling your baby move inside you"
To my kids- "auntie is having a baby aren't you so excited to have a little cousin"
There was a lot more said, but that's all I remember at the moment. The worst, is this lovely conversation.
**I have a son who just turned 2, and while I was still pregnant we bought him new "big boy" furniture so we could move the crib and other baby furniture into our fourth bedroom to make a new nursery. **
SOO- "So what are you doing with Henry's crib?"
Me- "it's gone, I had to get rid of it"
SOO- "gone where? What do you mean?"
Me-"I couldn't look at it anymore I needed it out of my house, DH got rid of it"
SOO- "wtf, you knew I was trying why would you do that I was kinda counting on it now, now I'm going to have to go out and buy one"
Me- "yah I guess you are"
SOO- "what about the rest of the set?"
Me-"it's all gone"
SOO- "nice!" Said in the bitchiest tone possible... "Well you better have saved me all the baby clothes at least"
Me- ignoring her and walking away....
We left shortly after this exchange I was shaking mad. I still can't believe she asked for my dead child's things and then got upset with me that I couldn't / wouldn't give them to her.
She's called me and Facebook messaged me a bunch of times since Christmas all of which I have BH'd. Because each time it's to complain about being pregnant. To bitch about how much she has to buy for the baby. Or to ask for my remaining baby stuff.
Was she that excited? Just oblivious to my feelings? Or was she being intentionally hurtful?
Or am I just over reacting? Being too sensitive?