Hey guys, I've been a lurker on the board since I found out i was pregnant in May, but never thought I'd be posting. I was just here to feed my llama.
Long BG
Me and my SO have been together for two years and have a 9 week old son. LO was born 9 weeks early, at 31 weeks - my due date was this past Saturday.
Before LO was born, my relationship was fine with my FMIL. I was 17 when me and my SO started dating. He lived with his mom at the time - he was 22. He made a good amount more than her and paid most of the bills, so she said she 'didn't mind' and 'allowed' me to move in - even though he paid the mortgage, electricity and gas. She paid sewer/water, and cable.
I was 17 and was very touch and go on having abackbone. I've been known to be stubborn and blunt. However I am also very bad with being the one to confront. I'm certain this comes from my own childhood and have been doing my best to fix it.
Before becoming pregnant, the only thing my FMIl said that bothered me was 'What if either of you find someone else while you're gone?' This was refering to me leaving for basic training. At the time, I was waiting to ship out to basic training for the Army, but was discharged before basic for depression. I simply told her me and my SO would cross that bridge if we ever got to it and changed the subject.
We moved out - and an hour and a half away - in April of 2015. It was great, she visited every once in a while for maybe an hour whenever she went to visit her BF who lived a half hour to an hour past where we were.
When I found out I was pregnant, we decided to move back to our hometown. This was in August. SO was commuting down every day and I didn't want to risk anything happening while he was gone and be stuck without a car.
We were only there for a month but that's about where our problems started. I hadn't seen her much during my pregnancy before that - and she'd only known since early July - so I wasn't expecting any issues.
The first issue was a carseat. She found a carseat that she wanted to buy us. It was a bluetooth carseat that beeped each time the car turned off so you don't forget your baby in the car. I told her it would drive me mad having to hear a loud beep every time I went anywhere and politely declined. Through the next 4 months she brought it up any time we saw her. Pointing out how safe it was, how she'd forgotten my SO was in the car once (she forgot to take him to daycare and went straight to work and didnt notice until she was almost at work and he asked her a question - the carseat isn't even designed for that), and that it was a really great carseat. Each time I politely said no, until I was jsut DONE with her asking and told her to stop asking, we just didn't want it and it wasn't up to her.
The second issue - though techically they overlapped - was a baby shower. She insisted I have one, but I didn't want to. I'm not a very social person, I don't like having all eyes on me. She said that I really needed to have one, that my SOs extended family would buy soo much stuff becasue they were loaded and I wouldn't even have to buy anything. I told her no, and that even if I did have one, my SOs family wouldn't be invited. I'd never met them and I wouldnt want to meet new people for the first time at an even surrounding me. Of course, she pushed for it until I gave birth. At one point, she said she'd invite her co workers (what?) and that my family could have their own separate one and that the one for SOs family could be at GMILs house an hour and a half away (at 7 months pregnant? really?)
She also let us know that when LO one was 3 months old, she'd take him on Tuesdays when SO had his hockey games and possible keep him overnight. I just looked at her like she was insane when she said this.
No one was told when I had my LO. Not necessarily because I wanted it that way, but because I only went in for what I thought was early preterm labor, only to have a hospital send me home before checking to see if I was dialating. By the time I went to another an hour later, I was at a 9. Not much time for announcements.
Right after I had LO (like hours), FMIL and GMIL offered to go and clean the house. I had LO two days after Thanksgiving and we had hosted, and we took the day after to eat leftovers and relax, so the house was a mess. We accepted and said thanks.
*possible TRIGGER*
When I was sent home from the second hospital, I was told to rest (also told I had a heart shaped uterus - but that still didn't make them check for dialation, still a bit bitter at the hospital) and go to another hospital (they specifically said I might want to go to another hospital) if the contractions sped back up (they were by the time I was leaving) or I had any bleeding - I was given the standard list or watning signs.
I took a nap when I got home and woke up to blood. As I was falling asleep, I'd assumed it was discharge so I didn't check. By the time I'd woke up, it had soaked my underwear, leggings, and small puddle on our sheets.
When they came to visit after cleaning for us, FMIl mentioned how it wasn't even that much blood. And basically implied that I was exxagerating.
*END TRIGGER*
LO was in the NICU for four weeks. The first two weeks, MIL came and saw him 2, maybe 3, times. After letting close family see him, we let everyone know we wouldn't be letting anyone else come and see him. Again, this was when he was 2 weeks old. MIL wanted to come see him on the last day we were letting people see him, but couldn't come at the same time we were going to the hospital - she was at dinner and movie. So we pretty much said okay, sorry you missed your chance.
She called my SO asking if I hated her or was mad at her. Saying she was upset that she didn't get to see LO before we cut everyone off. That she couldn't give her co workers updated other that what I posted on the debil. Which, for the record, I posted an update (with strict family and clsoe friend only settings) everyday with his weight, any milestones and a picture. Anyone who needed updated what on mine, or my SOs friends list.
When we saw her next - about 4 weeks las-^ish - she brought back up a 5 generation picture that the family wanted to do. Id been aware of this - they had one of 5 generatons with my SO and I thought it was a cute idea. What I didn't know was that they expected me to drive 2 1/2 - 3 hours away to go take it when LO was 3 months old. Then she said they wanted to plan a little 'meet and greet/sip and see' so SOs extended family could meet LO. I guess this was where we would take the 5 gen picture. 3 hours away. With a preemie. At 3 months old. During flu season. With people I *still* hadn't met.
Though they did offer to do it at GMILs house. Becaue only driving 1 1/2 hours to play pass the fragile preemie makes it ALL OKAY, right?
Since then, I'd gotten a text saying she wa swatching Harry Potter, and that we were free to join, that she's watch LO. BH. (This was during the time we specifically said we were holing up at home right after LO got home) Then 4 days later, she said she was running errands and wanted to stop by. Responded to say no. 12 days later, they were having dinner and invited us, it was her BFs birthday. We went but left after half an hour. She was holding LO - after basically trying to grab him the moment I set his carseat down. I said wait a minute and back off. Then went to swaddle him. As I was swaddling, she kept reaching over and trying to do it with me even after I tld her I got it. When I finally let her hold him, and went to smooth his hair out of habit, she tried to push my hand out of the way and smooth it herself.
Then we started talking about what color his eyes could be and I said either green or blue, becasue of how distant any brown eyes are in the family. She started talking over me that there was a chance it he had a recessive brown gene because she's know - she took a genetics class. Meanwhile GMIL keeps asking to post a picture on the debil (we strictly asked no pictures posted by anyone but us) - 'Just *one* picture??'. I just said 'I'm ready to go and grabbed LO and left'
NOW, the last thing, this past Thurday, was a text that said I had mail (I still hadn't switched everything over to our new address) and that she was going to school and asked to drop it off. I have been relactating this last few weeks and so I was shirtless and not wanting to get dressed, so I said I'd jsut have SO stop by and grab it on the way home from work if she didn't mind. She said it was fine. Then went to SO and said she was hurt because I told her she couldn't see LO when she asked.
She sent a text this morning asking it she could come see LO. I said I'd talk to SO, she said to let her know. At this point, my SO realizes what she's doing isn't okay but he's never had to deal with his mom before. I said I don't think either of us should see her until he learns to deal with her properly and that all contact should go through him - seriously tired of all these texts. How do we word a response to let her know that we won't be seeing her for a while? My SO says he's expecting FMs and a shitfest. Which, he admitted, is why he wanted me to reply, he didn't want to deal with it. I told him it's that or she'll just keep going.
This is what he wants to send.
'You can't come see (LO) tongiht. We are taking a break from seeing you for the time being. You've ignored our wishes thus far, creating a divive between us and you. We will let you know when we want to move on'
Sorry it's so insanely long. Here's a complimentary pic of LO?
