I have come to realize in the past few months that my mom is a narcissist. The world and everyone in it revolves around her, and if they don't follow her plans (unspoken or not), they are "wicked". Growing up, I dealt with emotional and verbal abuse daily, and physical abuse on occasion, to keep it brief. As the oldest of 5 kids, I was the scapegoat, and was always grounded from age 13 to 18 ("where are you going? You're grounded!" "When did you ground me and why?" "Since last week, and I think you know why, don't sass me!" *slap*).
After I moved out, we didn't talk much. I tried to at the beginning, but, well, she just isn't that into me. Also, I didn't follow the life plan she had for me. Then I got married, and because she didn't handpick DH, I've only heard from her 3-4 times a year, and when I see her name on my caller ID, I automatically panic and wrack my mind to see what I did wrong. As a result, I struggle with self esteem, guilt, and anxiety.
FF to when I was pregnant with my now 3 month old:
Mom was convinced LO would be a girl, and bought TONS of princess dresses without my knowledge. She believed that she was supposed to have another girl, and that my non-existent baby sister would be my first child. Essentially I was fated to be her surrogate... Well, LO was actually a boy, and my mom never asked me again about my pregnancy. She showed up at my baby shower, giftless, and talked the entire time to close friends and family about how difficult I was to raise and that she hoped LO paid me back.
When LO was born in October, she was furious that I didn't invite, or even tell her about my induction, and had no interest in him. Until she saw a picture of him that I sent to my dad. He looks exactly like my brother, the Golden Child. All of a sudden she is announcing the birth of HER baby before we got the chance.
Her only contact with LO was at my sister's wedding in early December. She gushed over him when people were watching, but otherwise ignored DH and I. There has been no contact from either side since the wedding, including Christmas (we did send gifts, but to my family, we don't exist).
Last night, I got a text from her, after not speaking since the wedding almost 2 months ago. To me, this is not ok. She is not part of mine or LO's lives. I am very non-confrontational, and don't have a good plan, short or long term. I could use some advice.
After I moved out, we didn't talk much. I tried to at the beginning, but, well, she just isn't that into me. Also, I didn't follow the life plan she had for me. Then I got married, and because she didn't handpick DH, I've only heard from her 3-4 times a year, and when I see her name on my caller ID, I automatically panic and wrack my mind to see what I did wrong. As a result, I struggle with self esteem, guilt, and anxiety.
FF to when I was pregnant with my now 3 month old:
Mom was convinced LO would be a girl, and bought TONS of princess dresses without my knowledge. She believed that she was supposed to have another girl, and that my non-existent baby sister would be my first child. Essentially I was fated to be her surrogate... Well, LO was actually a boy, and my mom never asked me again about my pregnancy. She showed up at my baby shower, giftless, and talked the entire time to close friends and family about how difficult I was to raise and that she hoped LO paid me back.
When LO was born in October, she was furious that I didn't invite, or even tell her about my induction, and had no interest in him. Until she saw a picture of him that I sent to my dad. He looks exactly like my brother, the Golden Child. All of a sudden she is announcing the birth of HER baby before we got the chance.
Her only contact with LO was at my sister's wedding in early December. She gushed over him when people were watching, but otherwise ignored DH and I. There has been no contact from either side since the wedding, including Christmas (we did send gifts, but to my family, we don't exist).
Last night, I got a text from her, after not speaking since the wedding almost 2 months ago. To me, this is not ok. She is not part of mine or LO's lives. I am very non-confrontational, and don't have a good plan, short or long term. I could use some advice.
