My parents are devout LDS and not reacting well to the news that I don't believe in the church and no longer want to go. I tried to stop going back in 2005 but was eventually pressured back into going and pretending to believe again. After years of living the lie I finally had to be true to myself and leave for good. My parents can't believe I am disrespecting them and not following the ways that they taught me growing up. My husband still believes in the church so they also can't believe I am doing this to my husband. I told them I am not doing anything to anyone and I am my own person and can make my own choices.
Back in 2005 when I left they called me a drug addict and alcoholic because I would have a drink once in a while and took a Vicodin a few times a month for a rare genetic disorder that I have that causes chronic pain. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and during 2005 it was heightened because my son and I were living with them. I won't go into too much detail because it would take forever but they did the whole "my house my rules" and took it to the next level including telling me how I had to raise my son and constantly telling me how horrible and disappointing I was for not living a good Mormon lifestyle. It drove me to attempt suicide and I ended up in a mental hospital for 9 days. I eventually moved out, got married and moved several states away. Being away from them has improved my relationship with them but obviously hasn't taken away all of the crazy.
FF to now. They want the two older kids this summer. My mom said she wanted them for a minimum of 10 days but we told her absolutely no more than 7 (I realize even 7 is generous but my husband and I felt ok with that). She was mad but I guess realized 7 is better than none because fighting with me would make me say no. Well she has been waiting for me to find out when MIL was coming for a visit to see when to book the flight. Yesterday my husband told me that when my parents were in town last month, while they were out to lunch, my dad told him that I was going through another psychotic episode like I did back in 2005 when I left the church. He said that he and my mom had been talking about it and that when I go through these episodes I leave the church and that this psychotic state NikleDee doesn't believe in the church but the "normal", stable and sane NikleDee does. They apparently can't accept that any sane person would willingly stop being LDS. They also will never admit they played a huge role in my depression and anxiety reaching it's peak back in 2005. My dad also told my husband to just be aware and not to let me bring him down with me. Needless to say, I am pissed.
Now that I know this I absolutely will not let my kids go visit them this summer. Mostly because I feel my parents need to be punished but I am also afraid of what they might tell my kids since my dad seemed to have no problem saying that to my husband. I haven't told them the kids aren't coming yet. This is where I need your advice. My husband doesn't want me to throw him under the bus. He just wants me to tell them that this summer won't work then leave it at that. I feel like they need to know that I know what they are saying about me. I also know they are telling any friend or family member who will listen all of this bull crap.
I am prepared to put them on a much needed TO or even CO them completely if I need to. My husband thinks I am being too hasty and am just worked up right now. That if I cool down I will regret my decision. I would like your wisdom and experience to help me. How should I approach this? Do I need to give them an explanation? Should my dad telling my husband I am currently psychotic be addressed? If so, then how? Does anyone agree that this is at least TO worthy? Thank you in advance for the advice. I can provide further background if needed.