I'll start by saying that I don't think this is a BSC issue, more of a culture clash in my own family. (DH is Asian, and a high level of enmeshment is normal in his culture.) I feel like I can't think clearly enough to figure out what to do.
I work full time (four 12-hour shifts per week) while DH is currently a full time student. MIL lives with us. She is retired, helps around the house a lot. She also watches LO 1.5 days a week when my shifts overlap with DH's school. MIL is actually awesome with LO, and very respectful/supportive of my/our parenting. I know this is really weird for this board but I actually think she is great! The issue is, I think DH is over-relying on her on the days when he's at home and I'm at work. Times when he is supposed to be the full time parent. I feel like DH has not come into his own as a father because he always goes to MIL with LO when things are tough or inconvenient. For example, LO "won't" sleep for DH, so every time it's time for a nap, LO goes to MIL. Or whenever DH needs to "study." (Which TBH sometimes seems to consist more of him watching movies or playing online games.)
I take care of LO 95% by myself on my days off, because MIL deserves a break, she's not the mom. I take care of LO every night, including work nights, because DH "can't sleep" if he's supposed to be watching LO. (And LO is also a terrible sleeper.) I think when I was on maternity leave, it was fair that I had all of the nights. But now I'm still stuck with them, and I've been back to work for 3 months. (But DH can't take them because he would be awake the entire night.) I pump milk for LO. I feel like all my spare time is spent doing chores or trying to catch up on sleep. I've been having sleeping issues anyway lately, perhaps from a touch of PTSD from something at work I think. I've had hallucinations and amnesia from sleep deprivation this week as LO is also now going through a worse than usual wake-up-all-night-long phase.
With my exhaustion, things came to a head last night. I needed help with LO, so DH wanted to give him to MIL. I honestly do not remember the fight, but we've had it a couple of times now. DH is currently not speaking to me because I hurt him. He says I don't understand or appreciate how hard he tries. He says he is exhausted. He says his mom enjoys watching LO (which I believe - I just don't think she would enjoy waking up with him all night), and that it's normal to have help from family, and I just don't understand his culture. DH says he has to walk on eggshells around me. It's true that I have been unusually volatile lately, and it doesn't feel good from my end either.
I don't know what to do right now. It feels like the system that we have works fine for everyone except me.
I work full time (four 12-hour shifts per week) while DH is currently a full time student. MIL lives with us. She is retired, helps around the house a lot. She also watches LO 1.5 days a week when my shifts overlap with DH's school. MIL is actually awesome with LO, and very respectful/supportive of my/our parenting. I know this is really weird for this board but I actually think she is great! The issue is, I think DH is over-relying on her on the days when he's at home and I'm at work. Times when he is supposed to be the full time parent. I feel like DH has not come into his own as a father because he always goes to MIL with LO when things are tough or inconvenient. For example, LO "won't" sleep for DH, so every time it's time for a nap, LO goes to MIL. Or whenever DH needs to "study." (Which TBH sometimes seems to consist more of him watching movies or playing online games.)
I take care of LO 95% by myself on my days off, because MIL deserves a break, she's not the mom. I take care of LO every night, including work nights, because DH "can't sleep" if he's supposed to be watching LO. (And LO is also a terrible sleeper.) I think when I was on maternity leave, it was fair that I had all of the nights. But now I'm still stuck with them, and I've been back to work for 3 months. (But DH can't take them because he would be awake the entire night.) I pump milk for LO. I feel like all my spare time is spent doing chores or trying to catch up on sleep. I've been having sleeping issues anyway lately, perhaps from a touch of PTSD from something at work I think. I've had hallucinations and amnesia from sleep deprivation this week as LO is also now going through a worse than usual wake-up-all-night-long phase.
With my exhaustion, things came to a head last night. I needed help with LO, so DH wanted to give him to MIL. I honestly do not remember the fight, but we've had it a couple of times now. DH is currently not speaking to me because I hurt him. He says I don't understand or appreciate how hard he tries. He says he is exhausted. He says his mom enjoys watching LO (which I believe - I just don't think she would enjoy waking up with him all night), and that it's normal to have help from family, and I just don't understand his culture. DH says he has to walk on eggshells around me. It's true that I have been unusually volatile lately, and it doesn't feel good from my end either.
I don't know what to do right now. It feels like the system that we have works fine for everyone except me.