Hello all. I will try my best to use the right abbreviations and I apologize in advance for it being long. Some BG. I'm 23w6d and last wednesday my DH and I were told there were some abnormalities with the baby's heart. This morning we went to a high risk doctor and a pediatric cardiologist who diagnosed us with Coronary Artery Stenosis (pretty sure that's what it's called. Honestly we were thrown so many big words this morning it was overwhelming). The baby's left ventricle has very poor function making his right ventricle do all the work and an abnormal mitral and aortic valve.
They went over our options and basically it came down to the baby needing surgery to place a couple shunts within the first week he's born and then most likely a few procedures after and eventually a heart transplant. We just dont know if he would need it when he is 5 or 50. It's been a lot to process today and I just got a call from the pediatric cardiologist that we met with this morning. He has been in conference with his other colleagues in Las Vegas and they think my little man is a candidate to have surgery in utero. They would place a catheter in the aortic valve and they believe this might help the left ventricle work better. Not a common procedure by any means and to say I am overwhelmed would be an incredible understatement.
Now to my MOO. My whole life her and I have never had a close relationship. She's very controlling and manipulative. If you dont agree with her opinions or thoughts on any subject, whether it be how much sugar to add to a recipe or politics, you are wrong. I've learned that with her it's better to keep conversations short and not give too much info. 9/10 times this doesn't work. Shocker right? It's gotten worse since her and my FOO split 4 years ago. She says he had an affair, he says he didn't. It's all irrelevant to me. My FOO is every name in the book to her and she doesn't understand why I want him in my life. My FOO and I are extremely close and it kills my mom that I like my SMOM.
Since the divorce she has tried to be MOTY for everything and even tried to called "dibbs" on us for holidays. She has to be the first to know everything and if she's not it's a pity party. She took my 9 week US pic to the doctor she works for and swearts she knew it was a boy before anyone. She plays the single mom card for everything. (Were 26, 24 and 20.)
Since finding out I was pregnant she has to know when every single doctor's appointment is and wants to know how it went immediately after. She wanted to go with me to the appointments and got really upset when I said it was just me and DH going to any and all appts. I stayed firm on that. She got the baby a "My first christmas" ornament when I was only 9 weeks at xmas time and got in a bad habit of saying "My baby".I admit I had been side stepping it and would try to play it off and say "No its my baby" casually and I finally about a month or so ago blew up and said "It's not your baby stop saying that! Its your grandbaby!" Then it was another pity party but she stopped saying it.
With all this new medical stuff going on today she tells me "I dont care what you say anymore this is my baby too." and then got all emotional about the heart transplant and says "I know we need to do what we need to do but it's just so sad that another baby has to die to save yours" WTF?? I said "Yes it is unfortunate but it's life and there are people out there who are willing to donate organs and what not to people in need. If God forbid anything happens to my baby that's exactly what I would do too if it would help someone else." She agreed and said she was sorry it was just sooooo emotional for her.
I understand this is her first graaaandbaby and it's hard for her too but am I selfish for thinking she's making this all about herself? She also tells me today "Now you know what it's like to be a mother. We worry every single day and you will ALWAYS be my baby girl and your LO will always be our baby." It makes me gag honestly. My FOO and M&FIL have been super supportive and just said "Okay, let's do what we need to do" but I just feel like this is another thing my MOO is going to selfishly use to her advantage somehow to play MOTY. Where's the line between her genuine concern and overstepping? Is there one?