I'm not sure where to start or what all to include so please bear with me. I have lurked on this board for a couple of years but this is my first post. I have been in inner child therapy since October.
My dad and step-mom (SM) have been married for 30 years. When I was a kid my SM was verbally and mentally abusive. At 13 I told my dad I couldn't live w SM anymore and wanted to stay w my mom full time. He told me if I rejected him I would be rejected and then he didn't speak to me for 3 years. When he came back into my life it was all rugswept. There is a lot more background but I'm going to jump ahead to the current issue and can fill in background as needed.
I now have a 5 year old DD. I have been a single mom since she was born but have a great coparenting rlx w her dad. My SM often acts like she's GOTY but I have never allowed her to babysit or spend anytime alone w DD Bc I don't trust her.
When we sat down to eat I mentioned that I was going to be the Girl Scout leader next year. SM starts in with "oh no catholic schools can't do Girl Scouts anymore". I told her I just spoke with the principal last week. So SM proceeds to go on and on for a half hour about how I can't be the leader next year. At one point I even said "stop raining on my parade". But she wouldnt stop.
About an hour later she comes out of her bedroom carrying my daughter and I ask "what's going on". My DD says "it's a secret". I say "oh no we don't keep secrets from momma what's going on?"
Meanwhile my SM is shaking her head no at my daughter, telling her not to tell me. I repeat myself calmly three more times "we don't have secrets tell me what's going on". The whole time my SM is shaking her head no at my DD. Finally I get pissed and yell "SM, we do NOT keep secrets now tell me what is going on". SM puts DD down and goes silent. I pulled my DD aside and she told me she'd been jumpin on the bed and SM said was ok as long as she was in there too. Ok.....so I told DD she wasn't in trouble at all and that nobody should ever ask her to disobey or keep secrets from me. So she runs off to play.
SM is still just silent. So I apologize to her for yelling and I explained that adults teaching DD to keep secrets is not ok and not something we do in our home. She says "I know! For the last 6 years it's always whatever way you say". (This is a PA attack on when DD was small and I put her sleep schedule before family parties. SM hated it and took it all personally.)
So then SM goes and just pouts in a chair. My DD kept asking her if she'd come play w her and SM would just answer "no". My DD was so confused! I took DD outside for about ten minutes and when we came back in she had left. Didn't say goodbye to DD or anyone just left.
I texted her that it was one thing to be mean to me but to be mean to my DD is not acceptable. I told her we would be taking a break and would see her at my sisters (half sister- dad and sm's daughter) wedding which is in September. My DD is in the wedding. SM responded that she'd see me at th next holiday "cuz that's the only time you come around".
My dad was texting me last night too. He says things happen in families and I can't just opt out. He says my SM "loves that little girl so much".
This is long so I will stop here. I am pretty set that a TO is right for me and DD but please am I overreacting? Underreacting?
My dad and step-mom (SM) have been married for 30 years. When I was a kid my SM was verbally and mentally abusive. At 13 I told my dad I couldn't live w SM anymore and wanted to stay w my mom full time. He told me if I rejected him I would be rejected and then he didn't speak to me for 3 years. When he came back into my life it was all rugswept. There is a lot more background but I'm going to jump ahead to the current issue and can fill in background as needed.
I now have a 5 year old DD. I have been a single mom since she was born but have a great coparenting rlx w her dad. My SM often acts like she's GOTY but I have never allowed her to babysit or spend anytime alone w DD Bc I don't trust her.
When we sat down to eat I mentioned that I was going to be the Girl Scout leader next year. SM starts in with "oh no catholic schools can't do Girl Scouts anymore". I told her I just spoke with the principal last week. So SM proceeds to go on and on for a half hour about how I can't be the leader next year. At one point I even said "stop raining on my parade". But she wouldnt stop.
About an hour later she comes out of her bedroom carrying my daughter and I ask "what's going on". My DD says "it's a secret". I say "oh no we don't keep secrets from momma what's going on?"
Meanwhile my SM is shaking her head no at my daughter, telling her not to tell me. I repeat myself calmly three more times "we don't have secrets tell me what's going on". The whole time my SM is shaking her head no at my DD. Finally I get pissed and yell "SM, we do NOT keep secrets now tell me what is going on". SM puts DD down and goes silent. I pulled my DD aside and she told me she'd been jumpin on the bed and SM said was ok as long as she was in there too. Ok.....so I told DD she wasn't in trouble at all and that nobody should ever ask her to disobey or keep secrets from me. So she runs off to play.
SM is still just silent. So I apologize to her for yelling and I explained that adults teaching DD to keep secrets is not ok and not something we do in our home. She says "I know! For the last 6 years it's always whatever way you say". (This is a PA attack on when DD was small and I put her sleep schedule before family parties. SM hated it and took it all personally.)
So then SM goes and just pouts in a chair. My DD kept asking her if she'd come play w her and SM would just answer "no". My DD was so confused! I took DD outside for about ten minutes and when we came back in she had left. Didn't say goodbye to DD or anyone just left.
I texted her that it was one thing to be mean to me but to be mean to my DD is not acceptable. I told her we would be taking a break and would see her at my sisters (half sister- dad and sm's daughter) wedding which is in September. My DD is in the wedding. SM responded that she'd see me at th next holiday "cuz that's the only time you come around".
My dad was texting me last night too. He says things happen in families and I can't just opt out. He says my SM "loves that little girl so much".
This is long so I will stop here. I am pretty set that a TO is right for me and DD but please am I overreacting? Underreacting?
