Hi. I have been lurking for awhile. I have recently felt brave enough to start commenting on some things. Mostly "you can do the scary thing!" or "yay you did the scary thing!" is all I feel qualified to do. I thought I would kind of introduce myself anyway.
I haven't posted any of my problems because right now they are ALL legal. I will try to give a super quick background. (eta-didn't work-it's long) My child's dad and I were never together. He wanted to be, I didn't-except for that damn night I guess. Kiddo ended up having lots and lots of developmental disabilities and he couldn't hang. He ended up long distance truck driving and that was great for me. I lived with my parents (wonderful people) and was a LD nurse. Worked 12hr. night shifts so my mom just had to put kiddo to bed.
We settled into what I thought was kind of a friendship (more of a tolerance from me), I thought he was an idiot dad but kid loved him. Would come over and play with her while I napped. Was never capable of taking care of her alone. He lived with his parents. They never childproofed their house. When I said she would never go over there without it, he exploded "if you want it, you fucking pay for it." Their patio door opened right into an outdoor swimming pool.
When kiddo was 6 I came down with mono for SEVEN weeks. Kind of weird, but I was a RN. At the same time, her dad said he was arrested and was going to prison. For possession and distribution of inappropriate photos of minors. Ugh. Our worlds went topsy turvy. I got really really sick. I guess I had lupus and some other auto immune diseases waiting to attack that came out. I ended up getting fired from too many sick days. My dream job. I had wanted to be an LD nurse since childhood. Was taking kid to different therapists to make sure she wasn't molested or hurt by him. We went for 4 different ones and they all said no. I 99.% believe them. Kiddo had a special needs scholarship. Was going to Montessori school. Got expelled. Went to a different school, got expelled. Had to give back scholarship. Go back to public school. Right now I feel like he has cost me my career and her scholarship. I have gone thru my 401K and have applied for welfare.
In the meantime POS dad is in prison awaiting trial. His lawyers come over and ask me to sign a document that states that the stress of taking care of a child with so many developmental disabilities has caused him to look at these pictures. I roar at the top of my lungs for them to get the fuck out of my house. **I** am investigated by CPS.
POS is out on a ankle bracelet and is supposed to attend his brother's wedding before his trial. He is allowed to see kiddo supervised by his mother (who I did trust despite her laziness getting house childproofed-kiddo is 7 now anyway.) In an move of EPIC stupidity, I drop child off at their house while I run to Target to grab her Easter basket. When I pick her up she says that she was left alone with her dad. MEMAW left to pick up the dogs from the dog groomer. I was gone for 30 minutes. I call Parole Officer and POS dad is back in prison, misses brothers wedding, I am EVIL to his whole family now.
I have shut down every request to visit him in prison from his parents. Saying her therapist doesn't feel it would be a good idea. They pout and say ok. Kiddo was given a phone and talks to him occasionally. If he can't reach her I get text after text from his mom. If I ask his mom to talk to her grandchild, kid hears nothing from her. She wants to talk to her dad, I still don't know if I am doing the right thing by allowing it. I told him I would never talk to him again. Her best friend's mom said that she doesn't feel comfortable having him around so kid doesn't want to have him around much when he gets out. He is getting out in 8 months. It's been 4 years.
He called last weekend and I listen to every convo on speaker. Asks to talk to me. Kiddo says "mom doesn't talk to you." he makes offended noise and says he just wants to wish me a happy birthday. Asshole. You don't get to wish me anything. I wish you were vio vio vio in the shower.
Anyway. I am going to court to tighten everything up. I am still really sick and I want to be positive that if I die she could never go to his family and of course not him. He is on lifetime probation so HA. Ankle bracelet forever that sort of thing. I did get on SSDI and of course my kid is but I have a lot of guilt about not working, it was a huge part of my identity. I am a crazy who has to go to therapy for not working, and I still blame him.
I have had some...I guess flying monkeys lately, extended family on his side asking how we are doing. I have black holed them. They didn't ask how we were doing 2 years ago when I was on welfare selling all my possessions and going to the food bank. Her dad can't give us child support because he has to pay the children in the videos. His mom or dad have never asked if we needed a single dime. And we have needed a lot. I still only eat once a day. I get $16 in food stamps a month and I used to make almost $40 an hour as a nurse. It kills me.
I know that after I tighten everything up in court I am going to start hearing from his parents. Oh, after that birthday wish stunt I "lost" his phone behind the buffet so I am going to start getting texts from his mom asking if they power is on that I need to black hole. I am thinking a month for that stunt. Especially because it led my kiddo to say "he just wanted to wish you a happy birthday mom, gosh." NOT OK.
I know this is mostly about the ex POS but it's my background, and what's going to happen is going to bring his assbag family out. So I hope it's allowed to stay. I really don't have my big girl panties on, I'm scared I have been doing the wrong thing and I'm lonely and I'm tired of being sick and in pain and I want to work and have friends again.