Hi all,
I need some input.
my brother recently got married to the love of his life. this is my brother's first marriage and her second (she was previously married to someone else for four years). this will be a bit confusing for some of you to understand due to cultural differences, but i'll try my best to elaborate where need be.
although they recently exchanged vows, they still live apart, in different states, meaning, they're husband and wife under GOD but nothing has been in writing yet. my brother lives with our parents and another brother. it is sort of, well it is a nuclear family. my dad owns a business, my mom is a housewife, and my baby brother has a good job. the brother in question, i'm writing about today, also has a good job.
here's the issue. she is due to move into the family home soon but she's changing gears and is asking for them to live seperately. when i got married, i also didn't want to be part of a nuclear family because the culture i'm part off, you actually become a maid rather than a member of the family. she thinks she's getting into the same groove, which is not true. each member of our household is very indpendent.
also, her and i had a falling out few months back. the issue was, she was being disrespectful over the text which ended up in her cursing me out. i'm 4 years older than her, so i held back. i reminded her that we were family and she shouldn't speak to me in such a manner. she still kept at it and then finally stopped being disrespectul. before this incident we were really close, hung out, shopped, ate together, etc, but after this incident i kept my distance. things were not the same between us, for example, we didn't text all hours of the day, we didn't hang out, etc. but each time she did text me, i answered and i was always codial. although i rarely initiated the text. few weeks fast word, i find out through my brother that she made a comment concerning my four year old.
here's a thing with my four year old. my mom watches her while i work full time. the care my mom gives my child can't be provided by anyone else on this planet earth. my mom treats my daughter like her own. now, SIL goes to my husband, "i know this sounds harsh but i can't watch someone else's kids" my brother was upset at hearing this because he treats my daughter as his own, as well. here's my issue, first off, no one, NO ONE asked SIL to watch my child. no one even brought my child up in a subject. no one asked her anything even relating to my child. so her comment came out of a left field.
when i heard this, obviously, i was hurt because first she was disrespectful towards me and now she makes remark about my child. she clearly doesn't want to be part of the family. after hearing this, i became more estranged towards her and she finally picked up on it. she didn't know that i knew. once again, anytime she would text me, i would answer but it was a cold response. she then goes to my brother and says, "i can't deal with your sister, because she's giving me an attitude..."
the hell?! i can't even be upset over the remarks she's making? she doesn't want to live with the family because of ME. she's using ME as an excuse to not live with the family. my thing is, put your big girl panties on and come out and say you want your own space, but don't use me as an excuse. i have nothing to do with this situation. my brother even asked me if i was giving her attitude. i informed him, I'M KEEPING MY DISTANCE.
i text her today asking her what her issue was.
the text went something like this:
me: if you have an issue with me please bring it to me. i don't appreciate someone speaking about me behind my back. we all are adults.
her: i don't have an issue with you. i know you're busy and barely can text.
me: that's not what i heard.
her: he tells you everything doesn't he? i knew he did but i wasn't sure.
me: he asked, "if i was being indifferent towards you", as a concerned husband, and i wanted to clear the air with you.
her: no, i don't have an issue with you and that's not why i'm moving out. i have my reasons.
me: you can move all you want, but don't make me an issue and use me as an excuse to make your decisions. ok. if you do have an issue, please speak to me.
her: no, everything is fine.