Going through a divorce. Once finalized I'm moving to a very anti GPR state. No legal needed, I have Google and a lawyer thanks. Lots of background but it's complicated and a lot of my normal meter so broken and stuck on one type of broken I didn't recognize how bad things were until recently. Every day it becomes vividly clearer just how abusive my STBX was and still is.
To quickly sum up how things are now. STBX stops by disrupting our lives to get things he needs or paperwork signed whatever. I put a stop to it and he's no longer welcome here. He used that time to emotionally hurt our child to try and hurt me. He never asks to see lo so I make no effort to give access as I'm only required to not deny reasonable access. Our house is not included in that so I can cut his access off from here.
Once the divorce is finalized. I'm moving a long ways away. Mainly due to GPR but also due to financial and resources. I'm in the process of selling EVERYTHING we own besides lo's toys (one box), basic clothes, paper work, one box of yay things for me, and memorable/pictures. That's what I'm allowing us to keep. If it doesn't fit in the car I'll mail one box. But beyond that it's all getting sold, donated or trashed.
Everyone related to us is CO with very few exceptions. My sister is on LC. She gets the occasional picture and we text. She'll never meet my son unless my ED is dead and, actually I don't think I'll ever let her meet him. She makes shitty choices. My great aunt is the call twice a year but doesn't have my address but may get a PO box once I move. Never getting another photo until ED dies.
STBX is CO the moment we drive away. He was abusive to both lo and I and is someone that belongs on an episode of criminal minds ( not joking). I'll be looking into changing our names and hiding our address from him even though it's through his insurance. I should say ITO since he will be paying CS and if it stops I will communicate to him to pay. Again I'll be contacting a local lawyer for all of this legal stuff once we are settled and don't need input. I'm just trying to set the stage for how serious I am. His entire family is also CO. They enabled his abuse and victim blamed me for years. That right there is CO worthy and without realizing it, was when I subconsciously started pulling away from them and started hating them.
My family is my son, my bff and her family, and the friends I've made over the past several years. I'm ok with that. They are my world. Sorry this is so long.
I'm basically erasing anyone CO from our lives. As in they never existed. My son is currently 20 months. My side has always been kind of CO. There's nothing recent of anyone photo or info wise. So when going through photos I tossed the obviously horrid photos (blurry, random cat?), and kept majority of them since although my family is either dead or CO I have good memories. Just like when you CO you treat them like they are dead. You can still have good memories of them you just trash the bad ones. So I kept the good ones and trashed the bad.
But when it comes to everything with STBX and his family for me it's all bad. Everything rushes at me how I was tormented and treated like crap and every time I see a photo I want to set him and the photos on fire. God there was so much abuse. But then I look at my handsome little man who looks just like me at his age and I want what's best for him.
So if you've read all of this diatribe and jumble of words which I really am very wordy. I swear it's one of the things I'll be working on in therapy (which is ironic because I hate when people don't get to the point). My question is, what do I do with the photos?
At this point I've sorted every photo that has any of STBX or his family in it and shoved into a pile in my photo box away from the other photos. I've also been doing that with the photos on my laptop. I've just put them into folders marked STBX and family, STBX and lo ect.
What do I keep for lo? Because STBX hurt me beyond anything. And he never deserved to ever see or know lo again. But this is about what lo deserves. And when lo isn't lo but a 10 or 15 year old. And he isn't just casually asking about his father but seriously inquiring and I have to have that talk. What do I keep for him?
Do I keep the photos of the two of them? Do I keep the photos of him and I? The photos of the three of us? The photos of his family members? The photos of the abuse for when he says he hates me and doesn't believe his dad would ever do that?
I feel so fucking stupid. I grew up in abuse. I knew that one time was never one time. Yet here I am. I need chocolate and a lawyer that hurries the hell up already.
ETA: English, because I can do it.
