Okay, this is a tough story for me to relate, but my DH and I could use some advice.
I've written in the past about my tumultuous relationship with my FIL. Since then I've let the rope drop and not had contact with him, with the hope that maybe, one day, we'd somehow get along.
However, I have come to find that he is my BEC. Anything my DH tells me about him or that he posts on Facebook annoys me--though not long enough to really care about it.
Fast forward to this week.
*Trigger*
He lost our precious baby at 18 weeks. We went in for a routine prenatal appointment and couldn't find his heartbeat.
To say we are mourning is an understatement.
Yesterday (Saturday) we had to go in for a scheduled induction. My mom and dad were there for support (on DHs approval of course. He loves them and understood that I needed them there since my mom had gone through the same thing).
The birth was hard and emotional and we are still grieving our loss. Today, though, DH talked to his father who asked how we were doing and my DH told him that we were struggling but were grateful for my parents being here. Apparently FIL got really mopey (my DH's words) and launched into a spiel about how he was so sad that he wasn't here when my parents got to be. He was so sad because he wasn't included in the family moment.
Basically he was jealous.
He didn't ask about the baby, didn't even acknowledge that we'd lost our child, but complained that he didn't get to do what my parents got to do.
THEN he decided to inform us that he was coming out in May to visit. Didn't ask us but informed us that he was visiting since he had vacation time.
My DH, bless his heart, reminded him that we didn't know how we'd be feeling since we just lost our baby, and that we would be busy with other things like school (I'm in grad school and we have two little ones in elementary school as well). He also stated that perhaps he could ASK if it was okay to visit rather than informing us.
His dad completely ignored him, and suggested that if we go anywhere that HE would meet us there.
So I come to you DWIL to get advice and a bit of perspective. Since this is still very sensitive for us, I want to know if we're reading too much into my FIL's behavior. Is he just my BEC?
If not, what are some effective ways to handle this situation. My DH is having a hard time getting through to his father. He simply doesn't want to listen. Are there any new tactics he might try? He's pretty upset with how his father is treating this situation and wants to nip this in the bud before May even appears on the horizon.