Once upon a time, my MIL was a really nice, caring woman who never boundry stomped, always gave us our space and respected our wishes.
Then i got pregnant
And shit hit the fan.
She got super clingy and wanted to be included in everything from ultrasounds to shopping to name choosing... EVERYTHING! because it was her first granddbabbyyy and she was soo excittteeddd... now I'm not used to people making my life their business so i told my DH to tell his mum to behave or I won't even let her see the baby. He agreed with me and told her very nicely that we want to prepare for OUR baby ourselves and we don't want any interference. She did what he asked for a few weeks and then creeped her way back into boundry stomping. We wanted to find out the gender and keep it to ourselves so that we know what name to choose and what colours to buy and tell everyone after birth, but MIL wanted to know too so we just told her we were team green and listened to her comments about how stupid it was to not find out when he can etc etc. She is that clingy.
Now i am terrified of labor... i avoided thinking about it until i was 25 weeks and MIL asked if she can be in the delivery room. I told her i don't want to think or talk about it. Here are my reasons:
1) *TRIGGER* i was raped when i was 13 and have read that labor can bring back memories of past trauma.
2) i had REALLY BAD period cramps (like, i used to stay up at night and cry) and people say labor is 1000 times worse and i don't know if i can even bear it.
Now i really want to meet my baby but i really dread the day I'll go into labor. DH was concerned about how much i feared it so he said i should get professional help and it is kind of helping but i am still scared.
MIL started saying everyone is afraid of labor and it isn't a big deal and me being scared isn't a good enough reason for not letting her be there. She brought it up every chance she got and my mental condition worsened and i literally cried whenever someone mentioned it.
FF to now when I'm due any day and DH firmly told MIL that only i control who is present in the room during MY medical procedule and he doesn't want to stress his wife more than she already is and MIL needs to back off and that we'll let her know when we are ready for visitors.
Everything was quiet until i recieved a text this morning that said:
"Dearest Heather,
I hope you are doing good. I just wanted to say that while it is understandable for you to not want anyone there while you give birth, you need to understand that it is not all about you. It is, but to some extent. You are not only about to give birth to your baby, but also my son's baby and my grandchild. I know you are a good girl and wouldn't want to keep someone away from family. Therefore, i request you to reconsider my request to be there for the birth of the newest member of our family, and let me witness the miracle of life.
Lots of love,
MIL"
i just don't know how to respond to this. Please help me dwillers!!
Edited to remove swear word from title
Then i got pregnant
And shit hit the fan.
She got super clingy and wanted to be included in everything from ultrasounds to shopping to name choosing... EVERYTHING! because it was her first granddbabbyyy and she was soo excittteeddd... now I'm not used to people making my life their business so i told my DH to tell his mum to behave or I won't even let her see the baby. He agreed with me and told her very nicely that we want to prepare for OUR baby ourselves and we don't want any interference. She did what he asked for a few weeks and then creeped her way back into boundry stomping. We wanted to find out the gender and keep it to ourselves so that we know what name to choose and what colours to buy and tell everyone after birth, but MIL wanted to know too so we just told her we were team green and listened to her comments about how stupid it was to not find out when he can etc etc. She is that clingy.
Now i am terrified of labor... i avoided thinking about it until i was 25 weeks and MIL asked if she can be in the delivery room. I told her i don't want to think or talk about it. Here are my reasons:
1) *TRIGGER* i was raped when i was 13 and have read that labor can bring back memories of past trauma.
2) i had REALLY BAD period cramps (like, i used to stay up at night and cry) and people say labor is 1000 times worse and i don't know if i can even bear it.
Now i really want to meet my baby but i really dread the day I'll go into labor. DH was concerned about how much i feared it so he said i should get professional help and it is kind of helping but i am still scared.
MIL started saying everyone is afraid of labor and it isn't a big deal and me being scared isn't a good enough reason for not letting her be there. She brought it up every chance she got and my mental condition worsened and i literally cried whenever someone mentioned it.
FF to now when I'm due any day and DH firmly told MIL that only i control who is present in the room during MY medical procedule and he doesn't want to stress his wife more than she already is and MIL needs to back off and that we'll let her know when we are ready for visitors.
Everything was quiet until i recieved a text this morning that said:
"Dearest Heather,
I hope you are doing good. I just wanted to say that while it is understandable for you to not want anyone there while you give birth, you need to understand that it is not all about you. It is, but to some extent. You are not only about to give birth to your baby, but also my son's baby and my grandchild. I know you are a good girl and wouldn't want to keep someone away from family. Therefore, i request you to reconsider my request to be there for the birth of the newest member of our family, and let me witness the miracle of life.
Lots of love,
MIL"
i just don't know how to respond to this. Please help me dwillers!!
Edited to remove swear word from title