Brief BG: unnoticed/ didn't mind boundary stomping until DD came along and then in my weakest moments PP, the in laws descended.
Second, DH and I have been very independent and relied only on each other unlike his 2 siblings. Although, before I met him, he'd bought a car from PIL. It was very old and on its way out. The other siblings were given new cars. The time came for us to get new cars from a dealership and we were going to trade in the car he bought. They had something to say about it, but DH rightfully sold it anyway. Same story with the siblings. The PIL always had something to say about the vehicles they gave them even when one sibling was on the other side of the states and the other sibling was married and lived 4 hrs away from them. Recently they said "you guys have never received a newish vehicle from us, why don't we give you X vehicle". I immediately had alarms going off and told DH, "no, as new parents this is extremely under mining, not to mention we've been independent for years-since always! I also don't wanta take it because it's a gas guzzler and we aren't interested in a vehicle like that". So we shot down the offer. But what could I say to money that's willed to DD? And if I say no, it's likely DD, in her youth or forever, may resent me.
I'm still under a bit of pressure because I'm not rolling out the red carpet to encourage a relationship (womp womp don't really care....I just don't want that to be insinuated and reflected in DDs interpretation: me being a barrier to the grandparents...neither here nor there I guess). What repercussions am I missing? Should I be worrying about this?
I should mention also; I've thought a lot about this: We want DD to earn her place in life like we did-on our own. We will provide a home and probably a car, but I'd like her to take initiative and be resourceful. Then, when she's done with training/ school, we can give her money that we've been saving up for her. And she can choose to apply it to whatever, down payment on a house, school, dowry, whatever, but not until she's completed her training. My hope is that she won't be as likely to piss away money. I feel like this interferes with OUR objective in the way we raise her. Once she's 18, she'll collect most likely. I don't feel it's my place to specify what MIL does with her money, and I don't want DD to be left out "because of me". Of course DH will be addressing the plan. I'm asking DWIL to help me cover my bases with this.
I will not respond right away. It's hard for me to find time for myself, but I will respond when I can, and your wisdom is much appreciated!
Second, DH and I have been very independent and relied only on each other unlike his 2 siblings. Although, before I met him, he'd bought a car from PIL. It was very old and on its way out. The other siblings were given new cars. The time came for us to get new cars from a dealership and we were going to trade in the car he bought. They had something to say about it, but DH rightfully sold it anyway. Same story with the siblings. The PIL always had something to say about the vehicles they gave them even when one sibling was on the other side of the states and the other sibling was married and lived 4 hrs away from them. Recently they said "you guys have never received a newish vehicle from us, why don't we give you X vehicle". I immediately had alarms going off and told DH, "no, as new parents this is extremely under mining, not to mention we've been independent for years-since always! I also don't wanta take it because it's a gas guzzler and we aren't interested in a vehicle like that". So we shot down the offer. But what could I say to money that's willed to DD? And if I say no, it's likely DD, in her youth or forever, may resent me.
I'm still under a bit of pressure because I'm not rolling out the red carpet to encourage a relationship (womp womp don't really care....I just don't want that to be insinuated and reflected in DDs interpretation: me being a barrier to the grandparents...neither here nor there I guess). What repercussions am I missing? Should I be worrying about this?
I should mention also; I've thought a lot about this: We want DD to earn her place in life like we did-on our own. We will provide a home and probably a car, but I'd like her to take initiative and be resourceful. Then, when she's done with training/ school, we can give her money that we've been saving up for her. And she can choose to apply it to whatever, down payment on a house, school, dowry, whatever, but not until she's completed her training. My hope is that she won't be as likely to piss away money. I feel like this interferes with OUR objective in the way we raise her. Once she's 18, she'll collect most likely. I don't feel it's my place to specify what MIL does with her money, and I don't want DD to be left out "because of me". Of course DH will be addressing the plan. I'm asking DWIL to help me cover my bases with this.
I will not respond right away. It's hard for me to find time for myself, but I will respond when I can, and your wisdom is much appreciated!