Short BG: My mother is a very manipulative, angry person who thinks its her innate right to disrespect me because she's my mother. After a short berating via text and years of emotional abuse and boarderline physical abuse as a child and up until now, I've decided to completely CO. It's very new, and today marks 3 weeks since CO.
My mother has only been cut off for 3 weeks and she's shown up at my door for Mother's Day and today, (tomorrow is my DD's 4th birthday). All the planned words, confidence and mindset I had flew out the window when I opened the door and saw her. She tried to see DD because she had gifts. I stupidly muttered 'I have nothing to say to you" Which she simply, said 'Let me give my granddaughter... ' I shut the door.
I'll be honest, that was some serious emotion I didn't expect. I didn't expect to feel like I wasn't in my body, wasn't in control of what I was saying.. nothing like. "You're not welcome here." "You don't have a relationship with her anymore" or anything nice and concise came out of my mouth and my brain wasn't working. I thought it was my neighbor so I didn't look before I answered the door and I'd only been away from it for a second. Anyway, so I stuttered stupidly said that and shut the door and locked it quickly. She didn't stay long, but I didn't realize she left the grocery bag of stuff she bought my daughter in the wagon outside. (we were actively using it and stopped back by the house to drop something off) So I didn't realize it until my daughter saw the stuff. I grabbed it quickly and tried to explain that she was going to get some really cool stuff tomorrow. I ended up passing it off to a neighbor, just to get it out of my hands quickly. Perfectly good toys and my daughter cried but we don't accept her gifts, right? I feel completely unnerved. I never went into detail of what she shouldn't do, I simply told her when she started berating me via text, that we weren't going to have a relationship with her until I was ready. Which is never. Should I tell her via text not to show up again? When she came by for Mother's day I just didn't open the door, that wasn't hard. Was it just because I was caught off guard? I'm angry at her for leaving it in the wagon for my kid to see but I guess its my fault for not checking it first. Now I can anticipate if she does try to gift DD something in the future to check when she leaves.
Should I text her telling her clearly she's not having a relationship with my DD or is that implied with the , "don't contact me, I'll contact you' thing? Texting her would poke the bull, so I really am not interested if I can avoid it. Is she just testing me? Pushing to see when I give, since this is such a new CO? We've had TO's (Fights and not talking, not actual healthy TO's) before. I half wanted to drop the stuff at her door, so she knows my DD didn't get it, but that's not BH-ing either. So what would you do?
Also, she'll probably try something similar when I have my DD#2 in August. I've already planned to ask for my information to stay private during that.