I'm about to lose my shit. Before I do that I'm just trying to find useful tips to establish boundaries.
So here's my back story in a nutshell.
My mother is a narc... my family is a whole lotta mess but for the most part I know how to deal with that particular behavior. Occasional time outs seem to do the trick. When I read "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" It literally changed my entire perspective.
Okay so now... the in laws. They are the exact opposite of my family. They are generous, helpful but unlike my emotionally distant family, they are clingy.
DH and I live an hour away from my parents and his parents. One of his sisters lives out of state 12 hours away and she drives home like every 3 weeks to see her mom and the other lives about 4 hours away but calls them daily and comes down every other month. Since we're "nearby" they want to see us EVERY weekend. We have their only grandchild.
Now here is the problem... how do you make someone understand the word NO?
We planned our annual anniversary vacation and they asked if they could tag along. We hesitantly said yes... (FIL has been pretty sick lately prepping for a kidney transplant, so we figured it'd be good for DD to have a good vacation with them because you never know when time will run out)... then I ended up pregnant and I'll be 35 weeks when we go so it might be helpful to have the extra help with DD. The initial plan was they were coming a couple days in so we could celebrate our anniversary alone. Not anymore. Now they're on the same outbound flight and even asked if we wanted adjoining rooms. I said NO. Phew.
Okay whatever... this bothers me but I should have spoken up and told them to book their own flight at their convenience and we'd just meet them in Orlando. So... 100% my fault.
*These* are the scenarios that make me boil:
-
10 am yesterday: MIL text "Are yall in town today? Are yall coming over?"
My response: "No, we're leaving on Sunday for my sister's surgery. I have a lot of things to get done this weekend".
-
7 am today: MIL text: "Are yall in town today? Are yall coming over? Sister 1 and Sister 2 are visiting"
My response: "No, we're not sorry. We'll just have to catch up with them the next time they're in town."
-
9 am today: MIL text: "Can we come over there instead?"
My response: "No, sorry. I honestly have a huge list of things I need to get done. This is just a really inconvenient weekend."
-
9:30 am today SIL #1 text: "I know yall are busy today but maybe yall can come over this evening"
My response: "We'd love to see yall too but we're gonna have to pass this weekend. We'll catch up with yall next time you're in town. We're leaving really early tomorrow for my sister's gastric surgery and I have an enormous list of things I have to get done. Sorry. Next time we'll plan ahead for it."
-
(And in between those two texts DH's work phone AND personal phone rang with missed calls from SIL #2).
-
11:15 am today SIL #2 text: "Hey what's going on"
I haven't even responded to that because I'm at my wits end.
I mean... am I not being clear enough?
On top of it all DH is on call this weekend. He does on call rotations every 3rd week so that eats up weekend time at home with him. He's already gone on a call today. He didn't get off work until midnight last night. DH and DD went to their house for dinner last weekend (I was vomiting incessantly so I stayed home and rested)... but we were all over there the weekend before when SIL #1 came down from out of state.
I mean... they're not bad people. I just don't know how to deal with the clingy because like I said... TOTAL opposite of my family.
Please help. I realize it could be worse. I just get annoyed (even more so now that I'm pregnant).
I don't need pats on the back or anyone to hold my hand. I need good solid advice to nip this in the bud before baby #2 makes an appearance. We've been married 5 years and it was NOT this bad in the beginning. Not until SIL #1 moved out of state.
So here's my back story in a nutshell.
My mother is a narc... my family is a whole lotta mess but for the most part I know how to deal with that particular behavior. Occasional time outs seem to do the trick. When I read "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" It literally changed my entire perspective.
Okay so now... the in laws. They are the exact opposite of my family. They are generous, helpful but unlike my emotionally distant family, they are clingy.
DH and I live an hour away from my parents and his parents. One of his sisters lives out of state 12 hours away and she drives home like every 3 weeks to see her mom and the other lives about 4 hours away but calls them daily and comes down every other month. Since we're "nearby" they want to see us EVERY weekend. We have their only grandchild.
Now here is the problem... how do you make someone understand the word NO?
We planned our annual anniversary vacation and they asked if they could tag along. We hesitantly said yes... (FIL has been pretty sick lately prepping for a kidney transplant, so we figured it'd be good for DD to have a good vacation with them because you never know when time will run out)... then I ended up pregnant and I'll be 35 weeks when we go so it might be helpful to have the extra help with DD. The initial plan was they were coming a couple days in so we could celebrate our anniversary alone. Not anymore. Now they're on the same outbound flight and even asked if we wanted adjoining rooms. I said NO. Phew.
Okay whatever... this bothers me but I should have spoken up and told them to book their own flight at their convenience and we'd just meet them in Orlando. So... 100% my fault.
*These* are the scenarios that make me boil:
-
10 am yesterday: MIL text "Are yall in town today? Are yall coming over?"
My response: "No, we're leaving on Sunday for my sister's surgery. I have a lot of things to get done this weekend".
-
7 am today: MIL text: "Are yall in town today? Are yall coming over? Sister 1 and Sister 2 are visiting"
My response: "No, we're not sorry. We'll just have to catch up with them the next time they're in town."
-
9 am today: MIL text: "Can we come over there instead?"
My response: "No, sorry. I honestly have a huge list of things I need to get done. This is just a really inconvenient weekend."
-
9:30 am today SIL #1 text: "I know yall are busy today but maybe yall can come over this evening"
My response: "We'd love to see yall too but we're gonna have to pass this weekend. We'll catch up with yall next time you're in town. We're leaving really early tomorrow for my sister's gastric surgery and I have an enormous list of things I have to get done. Sorry. Next time we'll plan ahead for it."
-
(And in between those two texts DH's work phone AND personal phone rang with missed calls from SIL #2).
-
11:15 am today SIL #2 text: "Hey what's going on"
I haven't even responded to that because I'm at my wits end.
I mean... am I not being clear enough?
On top of it all DH is on call this weekend. He does on call rotations every 3rd week so that eats up weekend time at home with him. He's already gone on a call today. He didn't get off work until midnight last night. DH and DD went to their house for dinner last weekend (I was vomiting incessantly so I stayed home and rested)... but we were all over there the weekend before when SIL #1 came down from out of state.
I mean... they're not bad people. I just don't know how to deal with the clingy because like I said... TOTAL opposite of my family.
Please help. I realize it could be worse. I just get annoyed (even more so now that I'm pregnant).
I don't need pats on the back or anyone to hold my hand. I need good solid advice to nip this in the bud before baby #2 makes an appearance. We've been married 5 years and it was NOT this bad in the beginning. Not until SIL #1 moved out of state.
