I lurked here on my other account, which I used for my birth board but it had my real name in it. I don't want my relatives seeing this so I have created this new one to post. I was a little hesitant because I'm not entirely sure what I plan on getting out of this. Advice yes, but maybe a reality check as well.
My husband and I have been together for 5 years. We have one son (21 months) and one on the way due at the end of June. For various reasons I do not want my in laws visiting me at all, in the hospital or afterwards. In fact, I am interested in cutting them off completely from myself and my children forever.
Reasons:
1) My in laws are extremely disfunctional, some are abusive. I have harbored resentment, anger, and-yes-a massive grudge toward many of them due to the awful treatment I received in the past. Due to my own abusive mom, who I am still trying to cut off, I accepted this at her encouragement to "keep the peace". So for years now my mother has been telling me to get along with my in laws who absolutely despise me.
2) My sister in law announced my first baby's birth on Facebook. So I didn't even get to tell my friends and family. She didn't just announce it on hers though, she tagged me and my husband in it so it reached every last person. It was up for hours before we found out about it.
3) My sister in law and mother in law repeatedly grabbed my baby out of my arms after he was born and refused to give him back. At one point when my mother in law was asked to give him back to me she rushed out of the room with him and I nearly had an anxiety attack. I'm not sure if this was a normal response or if I am just an overbearing mother. Either way, I felt angry.
4) My husbands grandma at one point (same visit as in number 3) told me mother in law to give my newborn baby back to me and (I don't know if I imagined this) but my mother in law gave me a death look I have never seen before. It made me extremely uncomfortable.
5) I asked my mother in law and sister in law to please stop kissing my 2 day old baby on the face, he was not vaccinated and didn't have a good immune system yet. They obliged but when I turned around started kissing him all over his face again. When they saw me looking at them and I asked them to stop, my sister in law gave her mom a weird look and they both rolled their eyes.
6) They expected me to drive to them (an hour one way) every weekend from the first weekend I was released from the hospital. When my husband and I finally had enough and said no, my sister in law told all of her family that I was sabotaging her relationship with my baby and keeping my husband away from his family.
7) We have been in a very long TO from them which recently lifted for my mother in law, but not my sister in law. I let my mother in law watch my son a few weeks ago overnight and when she dropped him off she started telling me I needed to wash his bedding because he had a bug bite (he plays outside, he had an ant bite. Nothing neglectful at all). I told her I had just washed his bedding a couple of days ago and no, I would not be washing it again and that he was a little boy who loved to play in the dirt and that dirt sometimes had bugs in it. I said "I'm sure your kids got more than a few bug bites when they were little. I know I did" to which she responded "no, I took care of my kids and they never one got a bug bite". She then called my husband about 10 times in a row and leaving him frantic messages about how I am neglecting to keep my son safe from bugs and refusing to keep his bed clean! He refused to answer her calls or texts.
My husband and I recently hit a very hard place in our marriage. Both of us are at fault but his behavior was absolutely out of control and he did some things that really drove me over the edge before we received counceling. I had to be hospitalized for an anxiety attack and spent about a week on medication and was unable to care for my son during this time. My grandmother in law had him, who I love and trust very much. My in laws know a general overview but not specifics, aside from what my husband told them (which was actually him fessing up to his actions and saying that he deserved to be divorced and he didn't deserve me) he didn't need to say any of that as it isn't their business but I think he was really upset. My mother in law went and told her whole family that same story, except she told people I was telling everyone that and made it all up. So more bad mouthing and trying to destroy my charachter.
I'm sure there is more reasons I can provide but I'm very pregnant, was up all night crying, and don't feel good from it (which if anyone gets the post cry "hangover" I would really appreciate some advice to cure it. My head hurts so bad!)
My husband understands why I am done. He doesn't want his family visiting in the hospital or in our home and respects that I don't either. He has cut off his siblings but I don't think he will ever fully cut off his mom. I don't want his family even SEEING my new baby. I don't even know how to approach this. But at this point I am prepared to divorce. My mental health can't take any more of this.