I don't even know where to start. I'm in shock this morning and I don't know how to handle this situation. I mean, I'm pretty sure I know what I need to do, but I'm trying to understand and process it all.
A few weeks ago, I made a comment on my sister's Facebook in regards to something political, and my mom disagreed with me, so she launched into a tirade against me. Nothing new here.
Last week, I shared a post on my personal Facebook page that she disagreed with, and once again she launched into a tirade, this time verbally attacking some friends of mine. She was incredibly rude and condescending, referring to my friend as "Ms (Lastname)" and then turning around and referring to ME as "Ms (My Lastname)". Her comments were so far over the top that, rather than fight her over it, I simply blocked her from my Facebook. (She was already on the restricted list.)
Last night, my mom finally texted me. She started off with, "Is it still OK if we come visit?" (They live across the country and were planning a visit next month. This would be their third attempt to come down after our youngest baby was born in November. The first two attempts failed, the first due to lack of funds and the second because they both got the flu.) I told her it was her choice, just no ranting or politics. Her recent arguments have been coming from a place of fear, and that is not something I want my kids to learn. She said she wanted to meet her grandson, but doesn't want to visit "if I'm going to get the cold shoulder."
I let her know that she was the one giving the cold shoulder, when she chose to refer to me by my last name instead of addressing me properly, and she insisted she did that so she "didn't seem like your mother scolding you." (Wtf?) She goes on and on about how she's tired of being bullied by her children... because I don't agree with her on (political stuff, edited at GO request)
(Removed due to GO request, though in this my mom shifted blame. Said she was unable to protect me and my sisters because she was too busy being abused by my father.)
It only devolved from there. Long story short, she got mad at me for "blaming her for my problems" and telling me "try being abused for 43 years and see how you feel." (My dad walked out after they'd been married for about 20 years. He was emotionally and verbally abusive toward me and my sisters for years, and my mom let him. She even tried to get him to stay when he told her he wanted a divorce.)
In the end, my mom insisted on becoming a martyr and I finally gave her what she wants: I tell her not to bother visiting because my children do not need to be exposed to her behavior.
At this point, I don't really know where to go. She's off her meds (chronic depression) and not going to therapy anymore because she thinks she's been healed. She's married to a guy that plays into her delusions (he has the mental capacity of maybe a thirteen year old, and I'm not joking about this, he does not behave as an adult and he can't retain important information) and my sister, who lives near her, is the same way she is, a professional victim.
I'm really feeling like I need to cut her, and the rest of the family associated with her, out of our life for now. Her behavior will only bring our family down, it will never build us up. But how far do I take it? Do I tell other family members to stop the info train so she doesn't even get pictures or updates from our immediate family? Can there ever be any reconciliation with someone that's constantly playing the "poor me" card? My heart hurts so much right now. Between this, and the MIL drama that I still have going on, I'm just feeling so defeated today.
A few weeks ago, I made a comment on my sister's Facebook in regards to something political, and my mom disagreed with me, so she launched into a tirade against me. Nothing new here.
Last week, I shared a post on my personal Facebook page that she disagreed with, and once again she launched into a tirade, this time verbally attacking some friends of mine. She was incredibly rude and condescending, referring to my friend as "Ms (Lastname)" and then turning around and referring to ME as "Ms (My Lastname)". Her comments were so far over the top that, rather than fight her over it, I simply blocked her from my Facebook. (She was already on the restricted list.)
Last night, my mom finally texted me. She started off with, "Is it still OK if we come visit?" (They live across the country and were planning a visit next month. This would be their third attempt to come down after our youngest baby was born in November. The first two attempts failed, the first due to lack of funds and the second because they both got the flu.) I told her it was her choice, just no ranting or politics. Her recent arguments have been coming from a place of fear, and that is not something I want my kids to learn. She said she wanted to meet her grandson, but doesn't want to visit "if I'm going to get the cold shoulder."
I let her know that she was the one giving the cold shoulder, when she chose to refer to me by my last name instead of addressing me properly, and she insisted she did that so she "didn't seem like your mother scolding you." (Wtf?) She goes on and on about how she's tired of being bullied by her children... because I don't agree with her on (political stuff, edited at GO request)
(Removed due to GO request, though in this my mom shifted blame. Said she was unable to protect me and my sisters because she was too busy being abused by my father.)
It only devolved from there. Long story short, she got mad at me for "blaming her for my problems" and telling me "try being abused for 43 years and see how you feel." (My dad walked out after they'd been married for about 20 years. He was emotionally and verbally abusive toward me and my sisters for years, and my mom let him. She even tried to get him to stay when he told her he wanted a divorce.)
In the end, my mom insisted on becoming a martyr and I finally gave her what she wants: I tell her not to bother visiting because my children do not need to be exposed to her behavior.
At this point, I don't really know where to go. She's off her meds (chronic depression) and not going to therapy anymore because she thinks she's been healed. She's married to a guy that plays into her delusions (he has the mental capacity of maybe a thirteen year old, and I'm not joking about this, he does not behave as an adult and he can't retain important information) and my sister, who lives near her, is the same way she is, a professional victim.
I'm really feeling like I need to cut her, and the rest of the family associated with her, out of our life for now. Her behavior will only bring our family down, it will never build us up. But how far do I take it? Do I tell other family members to stop the info train so she doesn't even get pictures or updates from our immediate family? Can there ever be any reconciliation with someone that's constantly playing the "poor me" card? My heart hurts so much right now. Between this, and the MIL drama that I still have going on, I'm just feeling so defeated today.
