Cross posted on the September birth board. The ladies there suggested I share my story, so here it goes..
My MIL is seemingly a sweet lady, and can be. To the outsider. However, for the most part she is a passive aggressive Bi!&h! For those that have been following my story, you know what I've been through this pregnancy. For those who don't- long story short- I had emergency spine surgery at 23 weeks, have a pretty knarley case of hydronephrosis, and am at risk for preterm labor due to history of it and the spinal condition (pain) affecting my body. I am having another spinal surgery as soon as baby is born, which will correct the broken disc and fragments surrounding it which are hitting my nerve.
That said, I'm on "light restrictions" and not bed rest, for multiple medical reasons. With the spine surgery, I am required to get up and walk. I suffered a lot of nerve damage in my right leg and lost a lot of muscle mass. Pregnant or not, in order to heal from that and prepare myself for the one to come in 5 weeks, I need to build what I can without working out Per se. Being pregnant makes it even more complicated because with the preterm labor history and signs, I need to "rest"... So it's a healthy mix. As in, I can walk around the block with my dog. I can do dishes at my sink. I can go to work (I'm able to sit at my desk) for a few hours here and there. And I can go to babiesrus, or target. I'm not out running marathons, nor do I intend to. Point is, 14 doctors signed off on what has been done and all 14 agree with my plan of action.
But this bitch.
Any time I mention of contractions, I am sent to the doc for a NST, or my doc says that I'm dilating some and need to be put on procardia (yesterday), I get the "what are YOU doing to cause this", "YOU should be resting you can hurt Olivia", blah blah blah. And not just once. It's easy to think "she just cares".. But the excessive amount of banter from her shows otherwise.
So yesterday I went to the doc because I was having some serious contractions for the last two days. Mind you, I did nothing but lay around all day the day before. I may have gotten the mail. Big whoop. They picked up a few contractions within 15 minutes and checked me. I'm going back today to be checked again to look for a 24 hour change. If change, I will go to L&D for more steroids and mag. If no change, I will start procardia until 34 weeks. I'm being induced at 36 weeks.
She text me last night and said "DH mentioned you were sent back to the doc for contractions. Any update?" - so, she cares right? I said "I'm being put on some medication for possible preterm labor, but please don't share this with anyone". (She has a history of running her mouth immediately to the entire family). She said "please just rest rest rest, you aren't resting enough".... So fast forward to her making several comments about how she has offered to help me but she doesn't know why I won't accept her help for the sake of Olivia.... and I explain to her that the doctor has made it abundantly clear that I am NOT to just sit around in a bed, and nothing I have done this far has caused this. It's my body and the situation I'm in. Some people naturally just have preterm labor... She responds with "I guess you posted on Facebook that you worked 8 hours and cleaned the house for 3 hours the other day". WTF!? I said "no I did not, why would I ever post such a thing". (I'm a pretty private person).
It went downhill after that, I basically told her to stop blaming me for my condition and what I am going through. I need support right now, not someone blaming me and insinuating that I'm going to hurt my baby. Passive aggressively, at that. Passive aggressive people are the WORST.
Mind you, this is a repeat situation with her. She loves to compare her pregnancies with mine and tells me "I had placenta previa, I had to rest and I hated it too but I did what I had to do". (Again insinuating that I'm not doing what I have to do). I never claimed to hate bed rest, not being able to do it, etc. I've followed every "rule" given to me between my neurosurgeon and my OB team. She just keeps insinuating that I'm not doing "enough" to keep my baby safe.
DH text her last night and told her to stop texting me and that I didn't need the stress and she wrote back "all I did was tell her to rest and she freaked out on me" then she text me AFTER that and said "I'm sorry you took what I said the wrong way"... I didn't even respond. Who the fuck apologizes like that?
I'm over this bitch. Sorry for the long rant. I'm trying really hard for DH sake, but I'm over her.
I should add, that this isn't the first time she's done this. When I first went into CC at 23 weeks, the FIRST thing she said to me in the hospital room was "what did YOU do to cause this"? On numerous occasions she has said extremely rude and inconsiderate things to not only myself, but every woman in the family. She birthed 3 boys, one of which is my DH.
She comes off really sweet to the outsider, and quiet.. However I am learning that she is nothing short of the most passive aggressive woman I've ever met. This is the same woman that told my SIL (DH's brothers wife) "I think you girls love my boys more than they love you and for a marriage to work the man must love the woman more".... What the F?!
Suggestions on how to handle her?
*one last note: I do not tell her things willingly. I often hold back my information. She is just SO NOSEY, and quite frankly I've tried hard to not just ignore her because I wanted to try for the sake of my DH.
My MIL is seemingly a sweet lady, and can be. To the outsider. However, for the most part she is a passive aggressive Bi!&h! For those that have been following my story, you know what I've been through this pregnancy. For those who don't- long story short- I had emergency spine surgery at 23 weeks, have a pretty knarley case of hydronephrosis, and am at risk for preterm labor due to history of it and the spinal condition (pain) affecting my body. I am having another spinal surgery as soon as baby is born, which will correct the broken disc and fragments surrounding it which are hitting my nerve.
That said, I'm on "light restrictions" and not bed rest, for multiple medical reasons. With the spine surgery, I am required to get up and walk. I suffered a lot of nerve damage in my right leg and lost a lot of muscle mass. Pregnant or not, in order to heal from that and prepare myself for the one to come in 5 weeks, I need to build what I can without working out Per se. Being pregnant makes it even more complicated because with the preterm labor history and signs, I need to "rest"... So it's a healthy mix. As in, I can walk around the block with my dog. I can do dishes at my sink. I can go to work (I'm able to sit at my desk) for a few hours here and there. And I can go to babiesrus, or target. I'm not out running marathons, nor do I intend to. Point is, 14 doctors signed off on what has been done and all 14 agree with my plan of action.
But this bitch.
Any time I mention of contractions, I am sent to the doc for a NST, or my doc says that I'm dilating some and need to be put on procardia (yesterday), I get the "what are YOU doing to cause this", "YOU should be resting you can hurt Olivia", blah blah blah. And not just once. It's easy to think "she just cares".. But the excessive amount of banter from her shows otherwise.
So yesterday I went to the doc because I was having some serious contractions for the last two days. Mind you, I did nothing but lay around all day the day before. I may have gotten the mail. Big whoop. They picked up a few contractions within 15 minutes and checked me. I'm going back today to be checked again to look for a 24 hour change. If change, I will go to L&D for more steroids and mag. If no change, I will start procardia until 34 weeks. I'm being induced at 36 weeks.
She text me last night and said "DH mentioned you were sent back to the doc for contractions. Any update?" - so, she cares right? I said "I'm being put on some medication for possible preterm labor, but please don't share this with anyone". (She has a history of running her mouth immediately to the entire family). She said "please just rest rest rest, you aren't resting enough".... So fast forward to her making several comments about how she has offered to help me but she doesn't know why I won't accept her help for the sake of Olivia.... and I explain to her that the doctor has made it abundantly clear that I am NOT to just sit around in a bed, and nothing I have done this far has caused this. It's my body and the situation I'm in. Some people naturally just have preterm labor... She responds with "I guess you posted on Facebook that you worked 8 hours and cleaned the house for 3 hours the other day". WTF!? I said "no I did not, why would I ever post such a thing". (I'm a pretty private person).
It went downhill after that, I basically told her to stop blaming me for my condition and what I am going through. I need support right now, not someone blaming me and insinuating that I'm going to hurt my baby. Passive aggressively, at that. Passive aggressive people are the WORST.
Mind you, this is a repeat situation with her. She loves to compare her pregnancies with mine and tells me "I had placenta previa, I had to rest and I hated it too but I did what I had to do". (Again insinuating that I'm not doing what I have to do). I never claimed to hate bed rest, not being able to do it, etc. I've followed every "rule" given to me between my neurosurgeon and my OB team. She just keeps insinuating that I'm not doing "enough" to keep my baby safe.
DH text her last night and told her to stop texting me and that I didn't need the stress and she wrote back "all I did was tell her to rest and she freaked out on me" then she text me AFTER that and said "I'm sorry you took what I said the wrong way"... I didn't even respond. Who the fuck apologizes like that?
I'm over this bitch. Sorry for the long rant. I'm trying really hard for DH sake, but I'm over her.
I should add, that this isn't the first time she's done this. When I first went into CC at 23 weeks, the FIRST thing she said to me in the hospital room was "what did YOU do to cause this"? On numerous occasions she has said extremely rude and inconsiderate things to not only myself, but every woman in the family. She birthed 3 boys, one of which is my DH.
She comes off really sweet to the outsider, and quiet.. However I am learning that she is nothing short of the most passive aggressive woman I've ever met. This is the same woman that told my SIL (DH's brothers wife) "I think you girls love my boys more than they love you and for a marriage to work the man must love the woman more".... What the F?!
Suggestions on how to handle her?
*one last note: I do not tell her things willingly. I often hold back my information. She is just SO NOSEY, and quite frankly I've tried hard to not just ignore her because I wanted to try for the sake of my DH.