I am due in late November. I have a 1 year old DD, and her birth was a COMPLETE nightmare. I went over my birth plan with my DH (then DuH). We invited his mom to be there, and she is non boundary stomping and very supportive. I thought she'd be a good person to have there, and she was. I have a pretty strained relationship with my own mother, and MIL treats me like I'm her real daughter. I thought having her would lessen the pain of not having a relationship with my mom during this time. (Although this time it'll be just me and DH.) I went over the plan with my husband thousands of times. Nobody was to wait in my room. I wanted peace and quiet. His mom would be allowed in once she was invited. He knew all of this. I had no spine at the time, and I was really relying on him to keep everyone in check. He assured me he would.
So the day comes, and I'm being induced. We checked in that night and everything went smoothly until the morning. I had just gotten my epidural and gotten comfortable. Suddenly, the door swings open. In walks Fil, Smil, and their 8yo DD. What in the actual...? They sit down and get comfortable. I was very out of it at the time and the entire day was fuzzy, but I still remember how annoyed I was by these people. It makes me angry just thinking about it. I decide I'll sit and visit a little bit, and then DH will ask them to leave. Their DD is rolling all over the room in the doctors stool chanting "change the channel, change the channel, change the channel". I felt a little bad because I snapped and said "If you want to watch something else, you're welcome to go watch the TV in the waiting room." At this point my DH asks them to leave to give me some rest, and they go on a walk with DH as he goes to get some food.
All is good and I am resting. DH comes back in after eating. Maybe a half hour goes by and the door flies open again. Guess who? Fil, Smil, and 8yo DD. They sit their happy assess down. Duh says nothing. I get tired of hinting that they leave (I have since grown a spine) and roll over to close my eyes. Can't sleep, because they are blabbering. This birth is about them, you know.
Soon the nurse comes in to check me and asks them to leave. It's like pulling teeth. They slowly meander out and wait by my door. I'm at a 6. I tell my DH he can call his mom to come, as she lives an hour away. I felt as though I couldn't tell him to get his family out because they were within earshot. They come back in, and surprise! This time they have GMIL with them! She has made the 3 hour drive to the hospital. They sit in my room and camp out.
This is getting long, so I'll shorten the rest...MIL shows up. She is great. She's completely respectfull and helps when she's asked. Smil HATES MIL. Not sure sure why, FIL and MIL divorced 10 years before Smil met FIL. So she pouts in the corner. They sat and refused to leave, even when the hospital doula asked them to so I could rest. GMIL snapped at her and said "we're being quiet. She can sleep if she wants to while we're in here." They refused to move and pouted (because MIL was there) for HOURS. It was miserable and akward. DH hinted time and time again that they leave, but he had a hard time because he didn't know how to ask them, but not his mom to leave. His dad has guilt tripped him when it comes to his mom for as long as he can remember. That's not an excuse, he was a TOTAL DuH.
The time to push comes, and the doctor ushers everyone out. Smil and FIL don't know that MIL was to be there for the birth. Smil realized this when MIL didnt pack up her things to leave. Smil is pouting and slowly packs up her things. Don't ask me why, maybe it was the drugs...but I invited her to stay. I regretted it as soon as I said it. So she stayed for the birth. It was a miserable experience, and I ended up hemorrhaging and came very close to not making it. I even had to have surgery 6 weeks post partum because of everything that went wrong during the birth. To this day I swear it was because of the stress they put on me.
DH and I had a serious talk about him putting his dad's needs over mine. It's taken a year, but he has seriously done a 180 and is now a gold star DH. He even apologizes to me constantly for what went on during my birth. He swears he'll be great for this one. I regret now not addressing what went on with my IL's. I think we didn't partially because my PP time was hard because of all of the issues I had, and partially because I invited Smil to stay (which was so stupid) and I'm sure she took that as an approval of what they did. They were so awful during my birth that they earned themselves BEC status in my book. I can honestly hardly stand to be around them, even when they're being pleasant, BECAUSE of that day.
On to the advice I need...I am pregnant with a little boy. We are registering private and telling NO ONE when I go into labor. I am not giving a single soul the chance to ruin another birth experience for me. Nobody will be allowed there until we call them (as they won't even know LO is here) and depending on how I feel, we may not call them until we get home. We will need someone to watch DD. My sister is the plan, and if she's unavailable, MIL is plan B. ONLY the person that has DD will know I'm in labor.
Does anyone have any tips on how to make sure nobody finds out? Should we warn them ahead of time we aren't telling anyone, or should we blindside them and say the baby is born? I know they will ask if they can watch DD. How do I address this? When he is born, I know they will question why they weren't told I was in labor. Do I say "because you were assholes at the last birth" or do I say "oh, it all went so quick, we didn't have time to call!" I have my spine shined and I am ready to be HBIC. DH is 100% on board and says he is ready and willing to say or not say whatever I need.
Please don't go easy on me...I need serious advice and I am determined to have a beautiful birth with just DH and I.
So the day comes, and I'm being induced. We checked in that night and everything went smoothly until the morning. I had just gotten my epidural and gotten comfortable. Suddenly, the door swings open. In walks Fil, Smil, and their 8yo DD. What in the actual...? They sit down and get comfortable. I was very out of it at the time and the entire day was fuzzy, but I still remember how annoyed I was by these people. It makes me angry just thinking about it. I decide I'll sit and visit a little bit, and then DH will ask them to leave. Their DD is rolling all over the room in the doctors stool chanting "change the channel, change the channel, change the channel". I felt a little bad because I snapped and said "If you want to watch something else, you're welcome to go watch the TV in the waiting room." At this point my DH asks them to leave to give me some rest, and they go on a walk with DH as he goes to get some food.
All is good and I am resting. DH comes back in after eating. Maybe a half hour goes by and the door flies open again. Guess who? Fil, Smil, and 8yo DD. They sit their happy assess down. Duh says nothing. I get tired of hinting that they leave (I have since grown a spine) and roll over to close my eyes. Can't sleep, because they are blabbering. This birth is about them, you know.
Soon the nurse comes in to check me and asks them to leave. It's like pulling teeth. They slowly meander out and wait by my door. I'm at a 6. I tell my DH he can call his mom to come, as she lives an hour away. I felt as though I couldn't tell him to get his family out because they were within earshot. They come back in, and surprise! This time they have GMIL with them! She has made the 3 hour drive to the hospital. They sit in my room and camp out.
This is getting long, so I'll shorten the rest...MIL shows up. She is great. She's completely respectfull and helps when she's asked. Smil HATES MIL. Not sure sure why, FIL and MIL divorced 10 years before Smil met FIL. So she pouts in the corner. They sat and refused to leave, even when the hospital doula asked them to so I could rest. GMIL snapped at her and said "we're being quiet. She can sleep if she wants to while we're in here." They refused to move and pouted (because MIL was there) for HOURS. It was miserable and akward. DH hinted time and time again that they leave, but he had a hard time because he didn't know how to ask them, but not his mom to leave. His dad has guilt tripped him when it comes to his mom for as long as he can remember. That's not an excuse, he was a TOTAL DuH.
The time to push comes, and the doctor ushers everyone out. Smil and FIL don't know that MIL was to be there for the birth. Smil realized this when MIL didnt pack up her things to leave. Smil is pouting and slowly packs up her things. Don't ask me why, maybe it was the drugs...but I invited her to stay. I regretted it as soon as I said it. So she stayed for the birth. It was a miserable experience, and I ended up hemorrhaging and came very close to not making it. I even had to have surgery 6 weeks post partum because of everything that went wrong during the birth. To this day I swear it was because of the stress they put on me.
DH and I had a serious talk about him putting his dad's needs over mine. It's taken a year, but he has seriously done a 180 and is now a gold star DH. He even apologizes to me constantly for what went on during my birth. He swears he'll be great for this one. I regret now not addressing what went on with my IL's. I think we didn't partially because my PP time was hard because of all of the issues I had, and partially because I invited Smil to stay (which was so stupid) and I'm sure she took that as an approval of what they did. They were so awful during my birth that they earned themselves BEC status in my book. I can honestly hardly stand to be around them, even when they're being pleasant, BECAUSE of that day.
On to the advice I need...I am pregnant with a little boy. We are registering private and telling NO ONE when I go into labor. I am not giving a single soul the chance to ruin another birth experience for me. Nobody will be allowed there until we call them (as they won't even know LO is here) and depending on how I feel, we may not call them until we get home. We will need someone to watch DD. My sister is the plan, and if she's unavailable, MIL is plan B. ONLY the person that has DD will know I'm in labor.
Does anyone have any tips on how to make sure nobody finds out? Should we warn them ahead of time we aren't telling anyone, or should we blindside them and say the baby is born? I know they will ask if they can watch DD. How do I address this? When he is born, I know they will question why they weren't told I was in labor. Do I say "because you were assholes at the last birth" or do I say "oh, it all went so quick, we didn't have time to call!" I have my spine shined and I am ready to be HBIC. DH is 100% on board and says he is ready and willing to say or not say whatever I need.
Please don't go easy on me...I need serious advice and I am determined to have a beautiful birth with just DH and I.