To make a long story, well, not as long- my mother is VERY enmeshed with her sister, who has two grown daughters.
I have always been the 'black sheep' of the family because did not drink the 'Aunt is Just Fabulous' kool-aid. I know I am the scapegoat of the family. My mother didn't really talk to me until I had my first child. There is a long background, but 'scapegoat' pretty much sums things up.
Last time I saw my aunt and her daughter Jane, they ignored me. The first day they were chatting to me, the next day they flat out ignored me. As in, would sit in front of me with their back to me to talk to the person I had just been talking to. I have no idea why, I could only assume that they had a big bitch session about me, because my mother knows that we don't allow our children to be around Aunt, Uncle and alcohol. (They used to be verbally abusive to me when drunk, when I was a teenager.)
DH and I decided that they are CO. We don't need that behaviour around our children. No great loss.
That was a few years ago, and we have missed out on family celebrations and Christmases where we knew Aunt, Jane and alcohol would be involved.
My parents are visiting this week, and on Saturday we were all going to see my brother and SIL for nieces birthday.
Talking to my mother today, she let it slip that Jane and her family are flying up to surprise SIL for nieces Bday. I said that we would now not be attending nieces bday. My mother was enraged and wanted to know what Jane had done. Mother said that she never saw Jane blatantly ignore me (at the time she tried to excuse it by saying they were upset at someone else), and that Jane is a lovely person and I need to 'get over myself'. She said "Jane is my niece, and I am telling you that she is a lovely person."
I replied and said "Well, I am your daughter and I'm telling you that Jane was a bitch to me." Then I realised that saying anything else was futile, because I will always be 'wrong'.
I actually started to doubt myself - am I being too harsh to Jane? But I am only doubting myself because my mother is trying to steamroll me. Right? Or am I just being petty?
Either which way, we are not going to the birthday party. I just can't believe the passion that my mother is defending Jane with. Not even a "I know you don't like her, but will you reconsider?". But a "you're wrong and petty and ruining everything."
After this visit, I feel like I need to put my mother on LC. Am I over reacting?
I have always been the 'black sheep' of the family because did not drink the 'Aunt is Just Fabulous' kool-aid. I know I am the scapegoat of the family. My mother didn't really talk to me until I had my first child. There is a long background, but 'scapegoat' pretty much sums things up.
Last time I saw my aunt and her daughter Jane, they ignored me. The first day they were chatting to me, the next day they flat out ignored me. As in, would sit in front of me with their back to me to talk to the person I had just been talking to. I have no idea why, I could only assume that they had a big bitch session about me, because my mother knows that we don't allow our children to be around Aunt, Uncle and alcohol. (They used to be verbally abusive to me when drunk, when I was a teenager.)
DH and I decided that they are CO. We don't need that behaviour around our children. No great loss.
That was a few years ago, and we have missed out on family celebrations and Christmases where we knew Aunt, Jane and alcohol would be involved.
My parents are visiting this week, and on Saturday we were all going to see my brother and SIL for nieces birthday.
Talking to my mother today, she let it slip that Jane and her family are flying up to surprise SIL for nieces Bday. I said that we would now not be attending nieces bday. My mother was enraged and wanted to know what Jane had done. Mother said that she never saw Jane blatantly ignore me (at the time she tried to excuse it by saying they were upset at someone else), and that Jane is a lovely person and I need to 'get over myself'. She said "Jane is my niece, and I am telling you that she is a lovely person."
I replied and said "Well, I am your daughter and I'm telling you that Jane was a bitch to me." Then I realised that saying anything else was futile, because I will always be 'wrong'.
I actually started to doubt myself - am I being too harsh to Jane? But I am only doubting myself because my mother is trying to steamroll me. Right? Or am I just being petty?
Either which way, we are not going to the birthday party. I just can't believe the passion that my mother is defending Jane with. Not even a "I know you don't like her, but will you reconsider?". But a "you're wrong and petty and ruining everything."
After this visit, I feel like I need to put my mother on LC. Am I over reacting?