I was raised Catholic. Very very Catholic. Bible study once a week, never missing mass, and every thing in my house was centered around god. I kind of always had doubts growing up, but when I moved out I really started to separate myself from the church. Eventually I decided I was an atheist and really did not believe in god. This wasn't some lighthearted decision. Theres obviously comfort in some of the ideas in Christianity. The promise of eternal life is neat, and quite a hard thing to turn down. But really I don't believe in it and I've found peace with that in time. I didn't tell anyone in my family for a few years. I didn't want to upset them and I knew they would tell me I need to be Catholic.
Trigger
I have ptsd from being raped. A few years back I became suicidal and went to a mental health inpatient program. I decided to finally tell my family about the rapes and what I was going through. I never told them before because just like with being an atheist I didn't want to upset them and I felt like they would say the wrong thing. They were very upset about what happened to me. My mother and sister were both telling me how I need to pray and god will get me through this. Well I decided since I was attempting a more honest relationship with my mom and sister that I would tell them I was an atheist. It back fired. My mom told me "you're just an atheist because you're mad at god for being raped." She really took the worst thing that has ever happened to me and used it to attack and belittle my beliefs. My sister pretty much did the same. I didn't talk to either for a few weeks, but since I was still have a hard time with depression and my ptsd being able to talk to someone was nice and we started calling each other again.
Almost a year went by and there wasn't any discussion about my beliefs. And then I had asked my parents if my ds and I could stay at their house for a little while as we find somewhere to live (my husband was in the Army and we were moving from Texas back to our home state North Carolina.) They told me of course and they were excited to see us and glad to help. A few days later my mom sent me a text saying we'd have to go to church if we stay there. I told her we won't be going to church and we will just figure out another plan to find a new apartment. My mom acted like I literally stabbed her in the back. Again I took a small break from talking to her.
Well last year we moved back to NC. We are two hours away from all family. It's nice that we can visit but it's not an all the time thing. Since moving back we've gone to three church family events; my sisters wedding, her son's baptism, and brother's daughter's baptism. I have only ever been respectful. I dress as modestly as possible and cover up all my tattoos so my family doesn't feel uncomfortable about me being around their church friends (after saying that I realise how I really am the black sheep of my family.) I tell them how happy I am that they are happy and that I am just glad to support them and be here with them. When my family prays at family dinners for holidays I sit quietly. I never say anything negative about their beliefs or religion. I don't bring up being an atheist at all.
But it apparently doesn't matter. My family has crossed so many lines I don't know what to do anymore. My sister wrote me a long letter, front and back, explaining why I need to just stop being an atheist and go back to church. It even included her saying "how can you do this to us? You won't go to heaven with us and we'll all be sad and you must not care about us if you don't go back to church and ask god to forgive you." I called her up and told her that this is not okay and that I would never try to change her beliefs and that attempts like this will ruin our relationship forever. She hasn't really made any attempts since. My mom and dad on the other hand are not giving up. My mom brings it up constantly but I'll just give a few examples. At my sister's wedding everyone asked my to become Catholic again as a present for my sister. At my nieces baptism my mom said you'll be next and when I told her no and this is inappropriate she just kept going on about how she knows I'll be Catholic again and my dad was backing her up about not giving up. And today we went to my nephew's baptism and my mom patted my four year old son on his head saying "he's not going to cry when he gets baptized." I told her she was going too far and I was not okay with her saying that. So she said it again and laughed. I told her she would be very upset if I said you'll be next to be an atheist and that my beliefs are just as important and should be respected. I had to walk away because I was about to cry. There was a reception afterwards but I only stayed for 30 minutes because I was so upset. My mom saw me leaving and told me she just said it because she holds out hope that I'll change my mind. I told her that if I had said the equivalent to her she would be very upset and so she should understand why I am upset. She asked if we were okay and I said yes, but I regret it because oblivious I am still mad. She has never apologized for the things she has said. She doesn't care about my beliefs at all. And she doesn't have any respect for me. I worry about what she's going to tell my children about religion and I don't really trust my parents being alone with my kids because of that. I can't imagine not having a relationship with my parents, but things are just constantly getting worse and I don't know how to get through to them or if that's even possible. They wouldn't treat someone with different religious beliefs like this, but they see my atheism as something just laughable. It hurts. It's hard for me everytime I talk to them or visit them because I know they will say something. I'm having to teach my son at four about how we have different religious beliefs and that it is okay, which I am sure is confusing for him.
I just don't know what to do. Am I at the point where I need to greatly decrease our relationships? Should I try reaching out one last time to make them get it? I call my mom and sister a couple time a week and we see them about once a month btw. My son absolutely adores my family which of course makes this so much harder for me.
Trigger
I have ptsd from being raped. A few years back I became suicidal and went to a mental health inpatient program. I decided to finally tell my family about the rapes and what I was going through. I never told them before because just like with being an atheist I didn't want to upset them and I felt like they would say the wrong thing. They were very upset about what happened to me. My mother and sister were both telling me how I need to pray and god will get me through this. Well I decided since I was attempting a more honest relationship with my mom and sister that I would tell them I was an atheist. It back fired. My mom told me "you're just an atheist because you're mad at god for being raped." She really took the worst thing that has ever happened to me and used it to attack and belittle my beliefs. My sister pretty much did the same. I didn't talk to either for a few weeks, but since I was still have a hard time with depression and my ptsd being able to talk to someone was nice and we started calling each other again.
Almost a year went by and there wasn't any discussion about my beliefs. And then I had asked my parents if my ds and I could stay at their house for a little while as we find somewhere to live (my husband was in the Army and we were moving from Texas back to our home state North Carolina.) They told me of course and they were excited to see us and glad to help. A few days later my mom sent me a text saying we'd have to go to church if we stay there. I told her we won't be going to church and we will just figure out another plan to find a new apartment. My mom acted like I literally stabbed her in the back. Again I took a small break from talking to her.
Well last year we moved back to NC. We are two hours away from all family. It's nice that we can visit but it's not an all the time thing. Since moving back we've gone to three church family events; my sisters wedding, her son's baptism, and brother's daughter's baptism. I have only ever been respectful. I dress as modestly as possible and cover up all my tattoos so my family doesn't feel uncomfortable about me being around their church friends (after saying that I realise how I really am the black sheep of my family.) I tell them how happy I am that they are happy and that I am just glad to support them and be here with them. When my family prays at family dinners for holidays I sit quietly. I never say anything negative about their beliefs or religion. I don't bring up being an atheist at all.
But it apparently doesn't matter. My family has crossed so many lines I don't know what to do anymore. My sister wrote me a long letter, front and back, explaining why I need to just stop being an atheist and go back to church. It even included her saying "how can you do this to us? You won't go to heaven with us and we'll all be sad and you must not care about us if you don't go back to church and ask god to forgive you." I called her up and told her that this is not okay and that I would never try to change her beliefs and that attempts like this will ruin our relationship forever. She hasn't really made any attempts since. My mom and dad on the other hand are not giving up. My mom brings it up constantly but I'll just give a few examples. At my sister's wedding everyone asked my to become Catholic again as a present for my sister. At my nieces baptism my mom said you'll be next and when I told her no and this is inappropriate she just kept going on about how she knows I'll be Catholic again and my dad was backing her up about not giving up. And today we went to my nephew's baptism and my mom patted my four year old son on his head saying "he's not going to cry when he gets baptized." I told her she was going too far and I was not okay with her saying that. So she said it again and laughed. I told her she would be very upset if I said you'll be next to be an atheist and that my beliefs are just as important and should be respected. I had to walk away because I was about to cry. There was a reception afterwards but I only stayed for 30 minutes because I was so upset. My mom saw me leaving and told me she just said it because she holds out hope that I'll change my mind. I told her that if I had said the equivalent to her she would be very upset and so she should understand why I am upset. She asked if we were okay and I said yes, but I regret it because oblivious I am still mad. She has never apologized for the things she has said. She doesn't care about my beliefs at all. And she doesn't have any respect for me. I worry about what she's going to tell my children about religion and I don't really trust my parents being alone with my kids because of that. I can't imagine not having a relationship with my parents, but things are just constantly getting worse and I don't know how to get through to them or if that's even possible. They wouldn't treat someone with different religious beliefs like this, but they see my atheism as something just laughable. It hurts. It's hard for me everytime I talk to them or visit them because I know they will say something. I'm having to teach my son at four about how we have different religious beliefs and that it is okay, which I am sure is confusing for him.
I just don't know what to do. Am I at the point where I need to greatly decrease our relationships? Should I try reaching out one last time to make them get it? I call my mom and sister a couple time a week and we see them about once a month btw. My son absolutely adores my family which of course makes this so much harder for me.