This will be long -- sorry =(
Just a little back story. My husband and I have 4 daughters – 2 are his they are 9 and 8, 1 is mine and she is (just now) 9, then 1 is ours and she is 2. SIL is my husband’s older sister. SIL comes for all the kids birthdays (well, other than YDD) and this year she has taken the birthday girl out with her at the end of the party to buy something small and spend a little time with them. First my DSD1 on her b-day than DSD2 on her birthday.
My ODD turned 9 yesterday and her Birthday party was also yesterday. I have very little biological family left and so only my mother was able to make it for her party as well as my husband’s sister came. Everyone else had either an illness, lived hours away, or some other reason to cancel which I understand life happens. I felt bad for my daughter but we moved forward and decided to try to make it the best for her. So here comes the issue.
The party was supposed to be at 1 and SIL and her husband showed up around an hour late. When she did walk in the door I was upstairs with ODD and DSD1 talking and DSD1 ran down the stairs to say hi and SIL immediately takes DSD1 downstairs calling for DSD2 to come too. She stayed downstairs with DSD1 and DSD2 for 20 minutes (during this time she gave them jewelry, purses, and some hush hush whispered items that is super-secret) then DSD1 comes upstairs and says that SIL got them all a poster and asked ODD which one she wanted because she “loved both and didn’t care which ODD picked”. After that SIL came upstairs with DSD2 and finally said “Hi” to ODD.. (Yes, just “hi” no happy birthday or acknowledgment that she was even there for her) then went back to talking to DSD2.
Since the food had already been ‘warming’ for over an hour I went right into serving food during which time SIL only talked to DSD1 and DSD2 and found seating between them. When YDD, the 2 year old, tried to scoot in next to her she completely ignored her and then when I had DSD2 move over a bit so YDD could sit with everyone SIL got up and said she didn’t want to sit there anymore. She stood to eat cake and ice cream instead of sitting down in the 2 seats that were open (the one next to my ODD and the one next to YDD).
Right after cake ODD wanted to open her presents and we couldn’t go out to the bounce house due to weather so we moved on with presents. ODD started open her cards and SIL whipped out her phone as did I and my husband. When ODD would get to a card I would read it aloud while she opened the presents from the card giver. 2 minutes into opening presents I am reading the 2nd card and SIL is talking LOUDLY to someone across the room about the facebook post / photos she is looking at of a dog and how it jumps. I try reading the card louder and then she gets louder.. I stopped reading for a second till she stopped talking and started reading the card again which she starts talking (or should I say hollering) across the room again laughing and joking). I had to reread the card 3 times because my mom, who was maybe 5 feet away, couldn’t hear it. During the entire time ODD was opening presents SIL was playing on her phone or talking loudly about animals to her husband or DSD1&2.
After the presents were done SIL promptly said she had to go get money from the ATM (her husband was buying something from my husband) Her and DSD2 went downstairs and I heard them whispering which the only thing I could make out was SIL telling DSD2 to get her shoes on then they were gone. After about an hour my husband called SIL and asked where they were and she said they were picking something up for her pets. An hour later (yes, this is 2 hours they have been gone now from ODD birthday party) SIL calls and asks to talk to DSD1 and asks her what she wants from the dollar store and to tell her she picked her up a few games from the game store. SIL does not ask to talk to ODD. SIL gets back with DSD2 after 2 and half hours later and when I come out from putting YDD for her nap ODD is on laying on the couch crying while SIL, DSD1, DSD2, SIL’s husband and DuH are downstairs laughing and messing around. I ask ODD what’s wrong and she said that SIL took out DSD2 to like 4 stores, bought her several games, candy and toys as well as bought DSD1 a new game, a car charger for her game system, candy, and toys. Then she said “Mommy, its my birthday why didn’t she take me, what did I do wrong?” But hey she got ODD a Dollar Tree snake and a candy bar. After about 10 minutes they all come up stairs SIL gives DSD1&2 hugs goodbye and grabs her drink to go while DSD2 asks for more hugs and goes to leave. YDD comes running out of her room screaming “I want hugs, I want hugs”!!!! SIL continues down the stairs but stalls to hug DSD2 again so YDD actually caught her for a hug in the front doorway. Then she was gone…
During all this I do not think she once said “Happy Birthday” to ODD.
Just to clarify a few questions people might have:
SIL and I have had issues in the past – Mostly her not liking me and me constantly wondering what I did to make this woman hate me. We have even enquired in the past what caused the animosity and she just said that I should know or that she doesn’t want to dignify it with an answer. I thought things were getting better and there had been no apparent anger in the past several months.
No, I don’t feel I am over worried about gifts – It isn’t about what is being given in the story its about how its portrayed. If she wanted to give all the kids something so everyone got something that’s fine. Being secretive, whispering, hiding downstairs before even greeting the birthday girl, then taking her sister out shopping ON HER BIRTHDAY DURING HER BIRTHDAY PARTY is just downright mean to a child.
But in case you were wondering ---
Yes, she did get ODD a gift – a few used DS games in a gift bag and a used comforter in a garbage bag.
Yes, my ODD got lots of other gifts – Just because no one could come didn’t mean people didn’t mail gifts.
So my question is again – Should I say something and if so what? If not, am I just being petty?
She made my ODD cry on her 9th birthday and feel like she had done something wrong and I am so angry about it I start shaking every time I think of it!