**way longer than intended**
I have always been fairly close with my family. There are a lot of us due to my mom being remarried (4 older step siblings!) me and my two siblings, and nearly all of us are married/have kids. This made cook outs and holidays an extremely fun time with plenty of people to enjoy.
However, over the past year, the adults have began using get togethers and holidays as an excuse to drink. It's always been a few wine coolers and men with a beer, but now even my mother and step father have been drinking. And they drink liquor and get ridiculously drunk.
We basically just avoided staying too late or going when there was going to be too many people so that our kids weren't around to see it. But the week of 4th of July, we went on vacation. My parents and two sisters were at my Granny's lake house for the weekend so on our way to our vacation we stopped for a night to see everyone. It was a shock. When we got there, things from shopping, towels, toys, life jackets..covered the porch and it looked like a gypsy camp. It was about 5 in the afternoon (Granny's dinner time) and the adults, who were close to drunk were leaving to go get fireworks 1/2 an hour away after they told Granny they were cooking. Then took her vehicle without actually asking. The adults told kids that were there they couldn't go. Once gone, the kids were complaining they were hungry, Granny complained of hunger, and said that they didn't do dinner until 9 pm the previous night. The house, which is always immaculate, was a disaster, and the adults had also spent the day on the lake while leaving the kids with a 78 year old.
Later that night, one sister was making comments about having left "elbow prints" in the spare room. They were all drunk as hell. As I was putting our infant down, I heard yelling from the kitchen. My SO had asked my step father to not say inappropriate things in front of our 15 year old niece. My step father blew up and it was all we could do to separate them, and at one point he told SO to keep his kids at home if he didn't like the things he said. We spent the night just waiting for dawn so we could leave. I still feel terrible that my granny and her home were used as a party pad. And now everytime they all get together, they drink!
I was not raised seeing my grandparents get drunk, and I will never let my kids develop a cavalier attitude to alcohol abuse. So we don't let my mom take the kids if anyone else will be there.
NOW my mom gets upset when I tell her no. She is really close with our older son, as she was his guardian for nearly a year. And I know her feelings really are hurt, so it sucks to be in this position. Our youngest is about to be one, but for some reason my side of the family does not ask about the baby, ask to see him, or ask to keep him. They always just ask if they can take ODS. The last time I let them stay with my mom, ODS expressed very little interest in going, when he used to beg to go. Even with all this going on, my mom has never asked WHY I have told her she can't take them. And we haven't had any fights.
Now I'm planning a wedding and no one is the least bit interested. (No, I haven't asked for any money, and they know we are doing it ourselves) I have not heard from my sister, the MOH, in a month. I invited my mom to come pick my dress out, she said no. No one has invited me to any family events, birthdays for the kids, or school activities.
I don't know what to do. I have obviously been CO. I have a great relationship with the in laws and I see them often. But SO has no siblings. We bought this huge house last year and when I moved in, I dreamed of all the family that would fill the kitchen and formal dining room. I don't feel like there is anything I can do, telling them I don't like their change in behavior would cause a huge fight and accusations of a holier than thou attitude. It's making wedding planning depressing, and upcoming holidays stressful beyond belief. Is there something I need to do to fix it, or do I just need to continue on and hope that one day they take interest in seeing my family again?
I have always been fairly close with my family. There are a lot of us due to my mom being remarried (4 older step siblings!) me and my two siblings, and nearly all of us are married/have kids. This made cook outs and holidays an extremely fun time with plenty of people to enjoy.
However, over the past year, the adults have began using get togethers and holidays as an excuse to drink. It's always been a few wine coolers and men with a beer, but now even my mother and step father have been drinking. And they drink liquor and get ridiculously drunk.
We basically just avoided staying too late or going when there was going to be too many people so that our kids weren't around to see it. But the week of 4th of July, we went on vacation. My parents and two sisters were at my Granny's lake house for the weekend so on our way to our vacation we stopped for a night to see everyone. It was a shock. When we got there, things from shopping, towels, toys, life jackets..covered the porch and it looked like a gypsy camp. It was about 5 in the afternoon (Granny's dinner time) and the adults, who were close to drunk were leaving to go get fireworks 1/2 an hour away after they told Granny they were cooking. Then took her vehicle without actually asking. The adults told kids that were there they couldn't go. Once gone, the kids were complaining they were hungry, Granny complained of hunger, and said that they didn't do dinner until 9 pm the previous night. The house, which is always immaculate, was a disaster, and the adults had also spent the day on the lake while leaving the kids with a 78 year old.
Later that night, one sister was making comments about having left "elbow prints" in the spare room. They were all drunk as hell. As I was putting our infant down, I heard yelling from the kitchen. My SO had asked my step father to not say inappropriate things in front of our 15 year old niece. My step father blew up and it was all we could do to separate them, and at one point he told SO to keep his kids at home if he didn't like the things he said. We spent the night just waiting for dawn so we could leave. I still feel terrible that my granny and her home were used as a party pad. And now everytime they all get together, they drink!
I was not raised seeing my grandparents get drunk, and I will never let my kids develop a cavalier attitude to alcohol abuse. So we don't let my mom take the kids if anyone else will be there.
NOW my mom gets upset when I tell her no. She is really close with our older son, as she was his guardian for nearly a year. And I know her feelings really are hurt, so it sucks to be in this position. Our youngest is about to be one, but for some reason my side of the family does not ask about the baby, ask to see him, or ask to keep him. They always just ask if they can take ODS. The last time I let them stay with my mom, ODS expressed very little interest in going, when he used to beg to go. Even with all this going on, my mom has never asked WHY I have told her she can't take them. And we haven't had any fights.
Now I'm planning a wedding and no one is the least bit interested. (No, I haven't asked for any money, and they know we are doing it ourselves) I have not heard from my sister, the MOH, in a month. I invited my mom to come pick my dress out, she said no. No one has invited me to any family events, birthdays for the kids, or school activities.
I don't know what to do. I have obviously been CO. I have a great relationship with the in laws and I see them often. But SO has no siblings. We bought this huge house last year and when I moved in, I dreamed of all the family that would fill the kitchen and formal dining room. I don't feel like there is anything I can do, telling them I don't like their change in behavior would cause a huge fight and accusations of a holier than thou attitude. It's making wedding planning depressing, and upcoming holidays stressful beyond belief. Is there something I need to do to fix it, or do I just need to continue on and hope that one day they take interest in seeing my family again?