Here is my BG that I have posted on here about my Dad's wife: http://community.babycenter.com/post/a63089305/boundary-stomping-smom-demanding-to-be-at-birth-ud-5-10-16-18-30-33-36-40-5778
For those who don't want to go through the almost 900 comments, here is a summary:
My sister and I reconnected with out dad a year ago. It had been 11 years since we had seen him. In that time he had 3 children. My dad's new wife is incredibly demanding when it comes to family and demands that everyone else treat family as important as she does. She tried pulling some drama with the birth of my son in July but I stuck to my guns and didn't see them until a month after he was born, on my own terms.
Of course now the holidays are coming and she is already pulling crap. Last year was a nightmare. My Dad's wife is Jewish and celebrates Hannakuh but also insists on celebrating Christmas as well. (I am not even going to touch on the fact I think that is ridiculous) Last year Hannakuh fell on my twin sister and I's birthday and they begged us to come to their Hannakuh party. When we asked what time it started, they said anytime and food would be provided. We got there at 4 and there were donuts and a half eaten turkey leg sitting out for "food". We then had to sit around and watch a few dozen kids open Hannakuh gifts. They had a few gifts for us...gifts we had recieved before. They regifted us jewlery that we had gotten when we were 10. I don't know if they were trying to be sentimental, but it was the kind of jewlery that if you wear too long it makes you get a rash and I don't remember being too fond of it when I was 10. We thanked them and left. We saw them again on Christmas Eve for my dad's side of the family. We did this weird gift exchange but also were told to buy gifts for everyone along with the gift exchange. The night was strange and it was a long drive for my family since everyone lives 2 hours away.
My dad's wife has contacted both my sister and I to find out our plans for the holiday. She says that not everyone was happy with last year so to make everyone happy she is saying that we have to do the following: on the 23rd we have to attend a dinner at my dads house, and she insists we cook the dinner at her house. Then the next day we are supposed to go ice skating with the family and attend a gathering afterwards where we will eat crissoants and exchange gifts. But instead of everyone gift exchanging she wants all the cousins too only, but we also still have to get gifts for everyone else. Not to mention she wants us present for Hannakuh, which is a holiday we do not celebrate and she knows this, and keeps mentioning gifts for that as well.
This is a hell no for me, my DH, my sister and her husband. We both have very small kids, its a long drive and we dont have the time or money for two gatherings, one of which for some reason we have to cook at. And way too many gifts! I appreciate their kindness, but my DH and I have our own holiday traditions that we started when we first got together and they dont include mountains of gifts. In fact my DH's side has a gift limit and respect our wishes.
I need advice on how to say no. Ever since the met my son I have had them on LC and they have seen him only one other time since. This is way too much and I am feeling clastrophobic. My sister thinks we should say no and that we have plans with each other already. I am tired of all the drama though and think its time to really set up some boundaries. Help?
