BG: I have an aunt who was very involved in my youth/teenage years. I look back now, and realize that she overstepped a lot of my parents' rules and blamed my dad for a lot. She's a physician who always wanted me to follow in her footsteps. I did until my freshman year of college when I realized bodily fluids were not my thing, and switched to a passion of mine in numbers (accounting). She was always picking out boys for me to date who were completely not my type. You couldn't believe her disgust when I started dating a logger with 2 kids. I married that guy, and there was a solid chunk of our marriage prep couseling that involved loosening her grip on me. She was pissed when her 2 girls weren't our flower girls (I picked another little cousin out of the 7 I have). The 12yo even mentioned that she was pretty sure it was her mom's fault that she wasn't a flower girl.
Here we are now, 4 months into our marriage (4 years together), and I'm pregnant. She's been oddly nice, and seemed disappointed when I didn't do my prenatal care through her. She's even been nice to DH and telling other people that he's a good man, until this week. She went on a rant to one of her nurses (married to one of the guys on DH's recreational basketball league) about how I have underacheived in my life through my career, by marrying him, and that I should have no feelings/responsibilty towards my bonus babies. Basically she threw both of us under the bus PLUS THE KIDS to a woman who doesn't even care much for my aunt.
DH is all for cutting her completely out. I agree with him. However, she has the biggest house so throws all the family gathering at Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc. Cutting her out would mean not seeing my FOO at any holidays or big family events, and they've done nothing wrong. However, no one in FOO has ever set boundaries for her. She throws her money around for faaaammilyy and they bend to her whim.
Also, she has the disease that killed her mother, my grandmother, at the age of 52. My aunt is 42 and my parents have both said that Grandma became almost a completely different person when the disease got really bad.
I'm a college grad, 3 years into my career, and one semester away from an MBA. Never in my life have I underacheived!
DWIL, should I CO completely? Or should I try a TO? I set some boundaries about 18 months ago, and she did follow those. Should I line up a new set of boundaries?
Regardless, I do not want my bonus kids around her, as she obviously does not care for their genetic makeup. I'm also pretty certain she won't be meeting the new baby for quite some time.
