Question(s) about familys and kid cousins

I need to prepare for this enevidable laying of boundaries...here's why.


Dh has been in the military for 4 years, so we've been away from "home"(hometown) for 4 years. Dh has 1 brother who apparently doesnt understand birth control, 5 kids and 3 moms. unfortunately his bro is also a methhead, so he's out of the picture and Mil and fil get the kids every other weekend more often then not. I commend mil for it, she's an amazing GMA. BUT she's also had to play a role that really isn't appropriate in my eyes, she's more of a parent to them than anything.


We just got confirmation that my dh is getting medboarded out of the army...ets in 6 months or so. He told mil and she mentioned at one point " oh now lo can come during the weekends and get to know how cousins. If you guys let him come over, i would love for him to know them".


Thing is... I want lo to know his cousins. Mil and fil are good at boundary instructions but I am concerned. I don't want my lo over there every other weekend, and most certainly don't see myself being comfortable with having him spend the night anywhere yet. But a break every now and then sounds amazing, and I know mil and fil are safe people. So for those of you who have large extended kid families... what's your "normal" for cousin play dates? I'm not going into the what ifs yet. Mil may get upset if she disagrees but she knows her place and will accept it if I say " no not every other weekend" or "no never overnight". *edited for disrespectful term on my part, apologies