Hey! I've been lurking in this group for a long while, but now I feel that I have the need to post due to my own FMIL. I am SOOO sorry this is so long.
Recently, she has become my BEC, mainly because it seems that she is in the beginning stages of boundary stomping, being controlling, and thinking that my baby is hers. Keep in mind, she doesn't have my phone number, but FFIL does.
This all didn't start happening until we told DF's parents that I was pregnant. Of course, I knew that they're reaction to the news would contain slight disappointment, considering I am 19 and DF is 24 and we're not married yet. (We were engaged 2 months before I was pregnant, and the baby was planned.) However, I thought that they would be excited and supportive at least a little bit after the initial shock and disappointment died out. No, FMIL just sits there with her hand over her mouth while crying for 2 hours, while FFIL keeps asking DF why he wasn't more careful. Didn't ask me, only him.
Finally, about a week later, they show excitement. Then, FMIL started helping us find a place to rent with another room for the baby, without really discussing it with us. It did help us, though, since we found our current house with her help, so we weren't too upset. That was when she started wanting to buy all our furniture for us. Of course, she let us pick it out. We were very happy and thankful for her doing that.
However, lately I have been noticing that FMIL was starting to get a little controlling. She wanted to do all our decoration shopping for us for Halloween. This kind of upset me, and I told her that I kind of wanted to buy my own decorations. Then, it came to the topic of Christmas trees and decorations, and she basically just told us that we WILL be using their old tree, and we WILL be using all of DF's old ornaments. I told her, again, that I wanted to buy our own ornaments and tree, but I wanted to use only a few of both DF's and my old ornaments. She relunctantly just said, "Ok." and dropped the subject like she was offended or something.
Later on in that conversation, she and FFIL were telling us about how they are going to Italy for her birthday. Now, at the moment, she thinks that I am a Catholic, or at least a Christian. I am actually Wiccan, I just never got around to telling them, and they've also just never asked. But she still turned to where she was facing DF only and told him, "Maybe we will ask the Pope to bless you and the baby!" She didn't even look at me. This was when I started to get suspicious and upset with her behavior. I wanted to deny it at first, but after that, I couldn't. I actually hoped that she meant "you" as in both of us, but I don't know.
Fast forward to about a week ago. I had told DF about how I felt about that night and he just told me not to worry about it and that it was an accident or something. I said "Ok", but still remained suspicious.
DF and I keep our bills paid and up to date. Our rent is never late, and we keep things in check. However, his parents still insist on reminding DF by text that we need to pay our rent and bills, even after we've already paid them. I thought it was annoying, but it was only to DF at the time, so I ignored it. Then, FFIL sent a group text to me and DF telling us to pay our rent for the month. This is where I drew the line. I was not going to be treated like a child and reminded to do things I already planned on doing. I am a grown woman who knows when her bills and rent are due. I brought this up to DF and he said "He was just being nice! He always does this!" I told him that was the last time FFIL was going to text me like that. DF agreed, and said that he was going to talk to his parents about texting us reminders.
Now, onward to last Wednesday, when we went to visit my mom. She had made us cookies, as well as cookies for the neighbors. Keep in mind we only see my mom and his parents about once a week, but they both live about 15 minutes away from us. After visiting her, we went to visit his parents as well as pick up some tools to fix our lawn mower. The first thing that FMIL said to us was, "So, where were y'all?" in an almost snarky attitude. I told her that we went to my mothers because she made cookies for us. She said, "Oh." and turned to talk to DF, asking him how work was and everything. I sat there for a few minutes in silence while they talked.
Then, DF brought up the subject about reminding us to pay our bills. He was specifically talking to FFIL, since he was the only one who really did it anymore. FFIL was cool about it, but FMIL decided to interject herself, saying, "Well, we are allowed to text!" Then she just shook her head and said "Whatever." DF asked her if something was wrong, and she just bitchily said, "Nothing."
Then, she started talking to me about how she wanted to get with my mother about setting the date of the baby shower. First of all, I hadn't even thought about the baby shower, let alone asked anyone to throw one for me. I told her I hadn't even thought about it, and she said, "I want to throw one for my grandbaby before Mardi Gras (we live in New Orleans) starts. I was thinking Late January, since Mardi Gras starts Late February." I was furious, but I kept my mouth shut and simply nodded. I told DF that my stomach was hurting really bad, and that we should go soon. He agreed, and we left. I talked to him about the way she acted, and he brushed it off, telling me that she's "just being a grandmother."
I am VERY sorry that this is so long, but this is the best that I can revise it to get all the incidents in. Do y'all think I'm freaking out over nothing? Is she just being a grandma?
