I feel like I should just kick myself in the face because a billion people could have told me that this was a horrible horrible idea.
Background: My husband is from a large family so think four boys had four boys each who had four boys and continue down the line. I really credit DWIL with helping me create multiple multiple boundaries as we all live a stones throw from many of his family members. We only see them when and if it's convenient and comfortable for us we do not do last minute "get togethers" and I truly believe because we keep ourselves out of this emmeshment we seem to have healthy relationships with all of them. I think a DWILER said it best "Emmeshment is great until it's not" . My husband and my "generation" there's about 12 brothers and cousins. One of the cousins is a year younger than myself.
Cousin in question "Rob" it's a sweet affable handsome guy. He's also irresponsible and entitled. He graduated from private school and after a few years of doing nothing signed up and went over seas to Iraq in an army infantry. For all intensive purposes I heard he did very well. He lost some friends in his troop over there and I suspect there's traces of PTSD at work here. As many army folks are apt to do he married a girl right before he went (they were 23) they stayed together the 3 years he was over seas and divorced as soon as he came home and they tried to start a life together. She apparently told his mother he just couldn't adult and get a job and put himself together.
Fast forward he's been living off the GI bill and hand outs from his parents signing up for online classes at the local college failing all of them and has about a year left of payments with no real sign of a degree being accomplished. He's out at the bars every night and just having horrible relationships one after the other with the bar girls he meets there.
I work for a well known company as their in house attorney. It is a large manufacturing engineering company. There is a factory/warehouse it employs about 300 people. Rob asked and I did the stupidest thing I could have done and put his resume through for a very entry level hourly warehouse job. This was, what my husband and I thought, something that could get him out of his slump it's great people a great company definate ability to move up the ranks. I work in the corporate office and there is little to no interaction between where he would be and where I would be.
The head of HR and I obviously work closely together but it isn't odd (in fact it's constant) in this company for family members to bring other people in. I am definately the DUW here because the head of HR and I had a very long discussion regarding Rob's resume because he was clearly very concerned with obvious gaps in Rob's timeline and the fact that aside from the army he has no credentials (that's not a knock on the army but he never went the officer or training path) and he's now been home using the GI bill for education but hasn't achieved a degree. I stated that I truly felt this structure would be great for Rob and I felt strongly he would do a great job back there. HR hired him and his department even created a different schedule for him so that he would be able to attend school during the week.
Rob has been here for 6 weeks and I haven't heard anything negative but as I said I truly don't see him. I get a knock on my door from the head of HR and he said I would like to have a meeting because "if it weren't you Rob would be fired and I want to give you a head's up on what's happening." Turns out Rob has not been on time even ONCE in the six weeks he's been here. HR gave me the attendance sheet (his position is clock in) and while most of the tardy marks are between 5-10 minutes late some of them are hour to hour and a half late. He has also called out "sick" three times including today. The day after halloween. I wasn't with him last night but I am almost positive he was at the local watering hole. HR plans to meet with him and his two managers, direct supervisor and the head of the department (whom I have to work with directly on an almost daily basis) to say if this happens even once more he will be terminated and the only reason he hasn't already been is because of my relationship with the company. So the riot act conversation will be happening tomorrow.
Guys I know I majorly screwed up. I should have never done this but I am absolutely furious and hurt. I don't want to go into this "no good deed goes unpunished" because what's the point but he's now made such an uncomfortable position for me and his direct managers some of whom are under me in the chain of command.
I immediately called my husband and so I now come to you:
What if anything should my husband do or should it be me? How should this be handled. You don't have to be kind to me because I realize I created this nightmare please understand that I SERIOUSLY GET THAT I CREATED THIS, but now how is this fixed and who should be the one to fix it me or my husband as it's his direct family? How do we handle this without getting further emmeshed? My husband wants to say (for one thing) if Rob doesn't plan on getting here ten minutes early every day until perpetuity and never calling in again he should quit so that I don't have to have another "meeting" when they ultimately fire him. I'm so angry at myself and feel so stupid. Is there anyway for me to fix what was a terrible lack of judgement on my part? I will never again not believe the adage "when people show you who they are believe them the first time."
I hoped I would never have to write in and that I could just read your wisdom and create boundaries but here we are. Thank you so much for your help.