My son was born with a ton of dark brown wavy hair. By the time he was about 8 months old his hair had turned into beautiful brown curls, and he had bangs that were hitting his eyebrows. And the comments from my MIL began:
“Oh my, his hair is getting so long!”
“Ohhh, do you need a hair cut?”
My typical response was to remind her of my family’s tradition of not cutting the baby’s hair until they were at least a year old. The comments would stop briefly and then restart. Fast forward to his first birthday, he has a full head of the most gorgeous brown curls - every little old lady in the grocery store stops us to comment about his beautiful hair. Exhibit A is below, a picture of his gorgeous curls.
“I used to cut DH’s hair, I could cut LO’s hair for you!”
“This friend of mine cuts hair, should we take him there?”
Now please understand that she rarely visits – she’s retired and doesn’t have that kind of time – she’s made three trips to see LO in the 2.5 years he’s been alive. She’s also had a history of snarky/hurtful remarks (about me, my weight, my family, our dog, the level of cleanliness of my house, etc.) when DH is not in the room, both currently and prior to LO’s arrival. But in the setting of minimal visits, I decided to ignore to keep the peace – DH’s family is from the Deep South and way more reserved than my Italian family – they’re passive aggressive, we’re just…lovingly aggressive. Anyway - MIL did learn to FaceTime where the comments are now coming via iPad during the weekly FaceTime chats.
“Oh poor baby, you need a barrette!”
“Isn’t it time that you cut his hair?”
He has had haircuts! He’s had his bangs trimmed three or four times, and the back has been lightly trimmed but the curls are still intact. He still has a ton of hair but its adorable! He’s not sporting dreads, its cute curly hair in a longer style that doesn’t even brush the top of his collar.
“Oh sweetie is your hair in your eyes?”
“Tell your mama you need a haircut!”
A visit last week – we’ll put aside the fact that she is offended that her 2.5 year old grandson won’t call her by the smarmy nickname she has assigned to herself, and just focus on the hair comments that were flowing like water. I counted six comments before lunch one day, and then the outright request to cut his hair. “I used to cut DH’s hair and I still cut FIL’s hair, I would be happy to cut his hair for you!” to which my response was, a nice smile and “No, but thank you. Bean dip?”
The next morning, I left because my grandfather was dying and the family was gathering – leaving my DH and LO to entertain my IL’s.
Apparently, she came on a little strong in ‘surrogate mommy mode’ which irritated my DH, who told her at one point to stop nagging LO, he’s ok.
The final straw was - despite being told the day before that I did not want her to cut his hair - she asked my DH if he thought I would mind if she cut his hair? Thankfully, my DH was smart enough to say “Mom, you’re not cutting his hair.” and she dropped it.
My question is, what do I do now? IF DH hadn’t said no, she would have cut his hair. The fact that she would have done it the day after asking me and getting avery clear no response boggles my mind. But her trying to get permission from DH so she could say ‘well DH said it was ok’ is making my hair stand on end! They left before DH had told me what had transpired while I was gone, which was smart on his part – I probably would have unleashed an impressive display of Italian rage, along with a stream of profanity that would have had her clutching her pearls. Normally I keep that under wraps, but very little sleep and hugely emotional after the loss of my grandfather would have made that difficult to repress.
The fact that she tried to do this behind my back infuriates me – add the fact that it was while I was with my dying grandfather absolutely enrages me, like I will need to be conveniently gone during the weekly FaceTime sessions because I think I would lose my temper if I saw her face. DH plans to politely ask his mom to ‘not bring up his hair again’ and bean dip, we’ve practiced it (he’s always been a peacekeeper/DuH, but he’s learning). I’m not stupid enough to think that his request will be honored – or she may honor it in front of him and doing something PA when he’s not around, as is her usual style.
Am I out of line? I know my grandfather just passed away and emotions are running a bit high, but is this unreasonable? They are talking about coming up for Christmas, and I need to be ready. Possibly start drinking now to prepare, and really get my Italian-mama-evil-eye up to par.
Edited for clarity.
