My MIL is the full house = full heart sort of MIL.
My husband’s parents have a snowbird house that they live in for 4 months out of the year. We only visit when we receive a formal invitation from his parents, even though we are ‘welcome at any time”. So the last two times we have visited (winter of ’14 and ’16) we were surprised to find other guests staying there at the same time (they didn’t give us a head’s up). In ’14, these other house guests were DH’s relatives, so were gave up a bed in a bedroom and slept on a cot in the laundry room (I was 12 weeks pregnant). In ’16, we had made plans to spend time there with DH parents and SIL family so the cousins could get quality time. So, we arrive and SIL’s friends are also staying there (these friends live a 4 hour drive from the house and SIL recently moved away from these friends, so I imagine she was eager to see them). Again, we were moved around to give a room to these guests (for the first half of the week). Then some more relatives showed up to stay (again, nothing was said to us ahead of time).
PIL can invite anyone they want, any time they want. We could just never visit ever again and the problem would be solved (I’ve suggested that to DH). BUT, DH holds this place in high regard (it’s been in the family for a long time) and he would like to to visit every now and then. I just think it’s weird to invite someone to stay with you and not tell them that you invited other guests. As for SIL, I thought it was weird to make plans that involved getting our children on planes and then not let us know that they also invited some of their friends to be there (who we don’t know very well).
So, can we (coming from DH) respond to future invitations with this and not sound like ungrateful jerks?
“Hey Mom and Dad, thank you so much for inviting us to stay with you this winter. Is there a week you have open when you aren’t expecting other visitors? No there isn’t? That’s okay, we understand. Thank you for the invitation, but we’ll pass this year.”
Or if they suggest a specific week to come, asking “Will anyone else be staying with you during those dates?” and if it’s a bunch of people again, politely declining.