I have other threads on here but don't feel they are necessary for current issue.
BG: MIL has been in a TO for a year. DH sent PILs an email telling them we were taking a break and the reasons why. DH has spoken with FIL a few times since the summer in an attempt to test the waters to see if a relationship can be salvaged/resumed.
Basically FIL turns the conversation back to how I'm a rude, evil DIL and it's all my fault. FIL said he and MIL would email DH a list of their issues with me since that is what we did with the TO letter. DH said whatever and ended the call.
PILs did send a list of grievances about 3 months ago. DH and I read it. I can share it in the comments if needed, I don't think it's necessary to the issue at hand plus it's two pages long. The jist is that I'm rude and entitled, PILs should be able to do whatever they want with LO because they're grandparents. Guilt tripping and manipulation throughout. Not even a hint of an apology or taking any responsibility for their actions.
DH has thought about it and wants to send an email to see if there is any hope of a resolution to all this. He has been so upset and hurt upon realizing the parents he wants are not the ones he has. He also hopes that his parents are trainable like mine (I doubt it). He wants me to send something too. He thinks an effort on my part will go a long way. I disagree but am willing to write something for his sake. I have a feeling whatever I or he says will not have the affect he's looking for and will kill his unicorn.
So what I need help with is the emails to PILs. DH and I both agree our first drafts need work. His has too many apologies and JADEing. (DH just sent me a revised letter, so I'll just post the newer one). Mine seems too rude. I know anything I say will be taken the wrong way by PILs, but I want to be confident that my words are to the point yet polite, if that makes any sense. Here are the letters:
"Mom and Dad,
I will start off by saying I am really sorry this had to happen but I felt like I had no other choice and there needs to be consequences for your actions. I read the letter that you had sent us.
I am not going to respond to every little thing in the letter b/c that’s just going to start the back and forth motion again.
What we need to move forward is a sincere apology for your actions. The one thing I notice in your letter is that you have not taken any responsibility for your actions what-so-ever. If something happens to our children in your care you immediately tell us. Lying is not acceptable EVER and not telling us at all is just as bad. Talking trash about my wife is unacceptable. If I see this happening as I did in the past the visit will end immediately. This includes making comments under your breath or rolling your eyes, etc. Lastly the trash talking to other family members and friends needs to cease immediately. If I find out that this is happening during any of our visits we will leave at that very moment. I know you said that this has not happened however the evidence is clear that this HAS happened and it’s unacceptable. You have ruined my relationship with most of our other family that is back in [home state]. This is the main reason this break lasted as long as it did. You caused this break to continue based on your actions. I truly don’t even know how to respond to this and forget that this ever happened. I may never get over this.
I want to get past this. It has been horrible for me. I feel like we need to start back slowly with our communications and go from there.
Below is something [OP] wrote to you all….
[FIL and MIL],
I read the letter you sent [DH]. I will not respond to each grievance as I do not need to explain my actions or choices to you. It also appears that you have rewritten the history of events to suit your needs.
We are very different people. The only thing we really have in common is [DH]. We do not need to love each other, or even like each other. I am willing to have a civil relationship for the sake of my husband. However, I expect civility in return. My respect and trust for you both has been broken and must be earned back.
I am sorry that I have yelled in front of you. (This was the only issue in PIL's letter that I am willing to apologize for). It was inappropriate. It is not my intention to be hurtful or make you uncomfortable.
[OP]
