Lurker gone anon.
Rough BG: BRO1 molested me 18+ years ago when I was in my preteens. It was rugswept by my nmom, and I was to be responsible for making sure no one ever found out. There's been one blow up my late teen years directly with Bro1 for it, and as a result, I disclosed the abuse to BRO2 who *sorta* went up to bat for me, but it was very brief and never talked about again. To date, they are both married and have their own kids. I have no clue if SIL2 knows about the abuse, but I do know from keeping in contact that that they regularly get together with BRO1 & SIL1 for dinners and trading babysitting.
SIL1 most likely does not know about the abuse. I can say this because as part of my therapy, I had exchanged letters with BRO1 to confront him. In his response to my first letter he accepted full blame, apogized for the molestation and all the after effects I suffered for it that I listed in my letter. He however did not acknowledge that I made a mention of a reparation. Undeterred, I mailed him back and said that it's all lip service unless a reparation is made, and the reparation I want is for him to disclose it to his wife with a counselor or therapist present to ensure that his daughter and my other nieces are not at risk.
I wrote that letter 2 months ago. No response. Since then, I recently contacted their local CPS and reported BRO1 & BRO2's kids as being at risk due to exposure to a molester.
I've decided that it's not enough, and as a mother, I sure as hell would want to know if there's a molester around my daughter, so I'm calling both my SILs tomorrow to disclose my abuse before going CO from Nmom, BRO1 & BRO2. My therapist is behind me 100% because it's important for me to shift responsibility of acting as watch over BRO1 to someone else, and I agree.
Below is the rough script I'm going to be working with when I call. My therapist recommended doing it in a gentle way and appear to be on "their side" as the point of my doing this isn't to convince them, as they may just bury their heads into the sand. (Calling CPS was insurance in case they do bury their heads.) And the therapist advised that there is a high chance I'll be painted the liar since my family has always seen me as the scapegoat, and to prepare for my entire FOO going nuclear as they dance to my nmom's tune.
SIL2: Has BRO2 told you about what BRO1 did to me when I was a preteen? He molested me. I'm telling you this because your daughters will eventually be the age I was when it happened, and as a mother. It's possible that it's a one time thing, but I think you'd want to know if you're putting your daughters in a possible predator's path so you can protect them. (Answer any questions if asked.)
SIL1: I have recently been writing letters to BRO1... has he talked to you about what he and I have been discussing? Well... I tried to give him a chance to do it, but I guess I'll have to. He molested me when I was (AGE). It's possible I'm the only one he molested and he may not reoffend, but since you have a daughter of your own, you need that information to be able to keep an eye on him. (Answer questions if asked.)
Any suggestions to make based on the scripts I'm working off? I'd appreciate any advice as a lot of you have gone through similar situations. If you need more BG or details, just ask. It might take me awhile to respond as I'm dealing with a hyper toddler, but I will answer.