I keep wanting to post here, but just dont have the patience or the "want". I usually end up way too lazy to type out my whole story. I guess basically what i am here for is advice, opinions, and tough love.. i got an email from my sister and i have yet to respond, for basically the same reason.. too lazy to type and dont really know what to say.
Basic background. I was in an abusive relationship from age 17 to 21, i finally got out when he went to prison in 2010,(after much coercion and supportive discussion) i moved back to the area around parents and sister and bil.
by 2011, i was completely clean, finding new independence and working at the family bakery. (My sister opened a coffee shoppe in 2009 and my mom joined her adding her baking and cake decorative skills making it a full blown cafe, coffee shoppe and bakery) i worked under my mom, in the bakery only, and mostly stayed in the back. Occasionally i was asked by mom or co workers to refill the pastry case or grab ingredients from the counter, i really enjoyed this job and it made my mom and me much closer. We were on a roll. They decided to open a second location in town (that would be a full bakery, less cafe and little coffee managed by mom, and sister would work on the cafe more but they are both owned by both, sort of franchise, but different ideals) the 2nd location was to be opened by dec 2013. The plan was always that i would join my mom at the bakery 2nd location as thats my specialty and mom is my boss, we talked about it so much, dreamed, planned, and it was exciting.
Suddenly one day in sept 2013 i was behind the counter making a blended coffee for my mom and grabbing some ingredients when my sister walked into the shop and i felt an odd glare, i know that she has always disapproved of my attire ( i wear abaya (long black dress) and hijab a scarf and cover face if i am around men that are not related) but i was confused by the look, she wasnt in the shoppe often during business hrs so i thought maybe something was troubling her.
Anyways the next day my mom mentioned that my sis was surprised to see me up front and didnt know that had been happening daily, she was uncomfortable with me being up there as i dpnt represent the type of culture or atmosphere she wanted for her coffee shoppe. I was pissed and hurt but got over it... my mom would do mpre of the filling of pastries and grab stuff we needed...so we made it work...until i found out 1 1/2 months later that it was more serious. 2 weeks before we were set to move all the bakery equipment over, my mom mentioned again that my sister was uncomfortable with the vision i was giving, that my clothes may be making customers uncomfortable and it doesnt fit her culture.
The new bakery was to have a glass wall where people could watch us do our stuff, make dough, bake, decorate anyways basically she said that if i want to work there i would need to adapt my clothing. I was sooo annoyed(this had never been an issue or even discussed in the year and a half i worked there), and sad and thought about it and after a few days i told my mom, i would be willing to wear skirts, long sleeve bakery tshirt (logo) and a tucked in scarf and niqab (face covering) with all the middle man back and forth bs, i was annoyed that my sis didn't come talk to me directly. It wasn't enough and they agreed my face covering was the issue. I offered to wear a medical mask.. not enough.
Finally i was told by my mom, although clearly she wasn't in full agreement with a lump in her throat that there wouldn't be a position for me at the new bakery, and all bakery positions were being eliminated at first location.
I was so angry, hurt, livid. I guess upset my mom didnt do more to stand up for me,,, i said " if im not good enough for the new bakery in 2 weeks, if you wont need me then im not good enough now and you dont get to use me for the next 2 weeks" i left. Right then, dishes in the sink, cookies in the oven.
I went home so upset ready to sue them, pickett out front and spread the word of unfair religious discrimination.
It is important to mention, my sister and bil are "sanctimonious, superior, educated (phd) local business owners, better than everyone, type and they make that clear with their constant demeaning comments, and overall "better than you" judgments and behavior. They are in a small community where everyone goes to this coffee shoppe, everyone knows them/worship them and thinks they are overall amazing. (They obviously don't know a lot of the family secrets) i am known as "sis" little sister.. all around town.
Well dh talked me out of it, dont sue, dont pickett, dont gossip... He said family ties are important, wait it o ut, give some time, cool down, let them miss you and beg for you etc. I made it clear that i would NEVER work for them again, no matter what they agree to or beg.. principle of the matter.
basically, what ended up happening was I avoided them they avoided me I didn't go anywhere near the coffee shop or new bakery... I found out that I was expecting and I basically just spent time on my dd, dh and preparing for new baby.this ended up pretty much getting rug swept we never talked about it it was clear that I was hurt but about 6 months later, i started to see her at family functions and we just will we ended up talking again but this subject never got brought up, but i would say we were on ok speaking terms.
i really wasn't ever mad at my mom, i new she was being my sisters puppet, i knew losing me hurt her production at work and her pocketbook, i discused this once or twice with her, but she always said i need to confront my sister and i never did.
Basic background. I was in an abusive relationship from age 17 to 21, i finally got out when he went to prison in 2010,(after much coercion and supportive discussion) i moved back to the area around parents and sister and bil.
by 2011, i was completely clean, finding new independence and working at the family bakery. (My sister opened a coffee shoppe in 2009 and my mom joined her adding her baking and cake decorative skills making it a full blown cafe, coffee shoppe and bakery) i worked under my mom, in the bakery only, and mostly stayed in the back. Occasionally i was asked by mom or co workers to refill the pastry case or grab ingredients from the counter, i really enjoyed this job and it made my mom and me much closer. We were on a roll. They decided to open a second location in town (that would be a full bakery, less cafe and little coffee managed by mom, and sister would work on the cafe more but they are both owned by both, sort of franchise, but different ideals) the 2nd location was to be opened by dec 2013. The plan was always that i would join my mom at the bakery 2nd location as thats my specialty and mom is my boss, we talked about it so much, dreamed, planned, and it was exciting.
Suddenly one day in sept 2013 i was behind the counter making a blended coffee for my mom and grabbing some ingredients when my sister walked into the shop and i felt an odd glare, i know that she has always disapproved of my attire ( i wear abaya (long black dress) and hijab a scarf and cover face if i am around men that are not related) but i was confused by the look, she wasnt in the shoppe often during business hrs so i thought maybe something was troubling her.
Anyways the next day my mom mentioned that my sis was surprised to see me up front and didnt know that had been happening daily, she was uncomfortable with me being up there as i dpnt represent the type of culture or atmosphere she wanted for her coffee shoppe. I was pissed and hurt but got over it... my mom would do mpre of the filling of pastries and grab stuff we needed...so we made it work...until i found out 1 1/2 months later that it was more serious. 2 weeks before we were set to move all the bakery equipment over, my mom mentioned again that my sister was uncomfortable with the vision i was giving, that my clothes may be making customers uncomfortable and it doesnt fit her culture.
The new bakery was to have a glass wall where people could watch us do our stuff, make dough, bake, decorate anyways basically she said that if i want to work there i would need to adapt my clothing. I was sooo annoyed(this had never been an issue or even discussed in the year and a half i worked there), and sad and thought about it and after a few days i told my mom, i would be willing to wear skirts, long sleeve bakery tshirt (logo) and a tucked in scarf and niqab (face covering) with all the middle man back and forth bs, i was annoyed that my sis didn't come talk to me directly. It wasn't enough and they agreed my face covering was the issue. I offered to wear a medical mask.. not enough.
Finally i was told by my mom, although clearly she wasn't in full agreement with a lump in her throat that there wouldn't be a position for me at the new bakery, and all bakery positions were being eliminated at first location.
I was so angry, hurt, livid. I guess upset my mom didnt do more to stand up for me,,, i said " if im not good enough for the new bakery in 2 weeks, if you wont need me then im not good enough now and you dont get to use me for the next 2 weeks" i left. Right then, dishes in the sink, cookies in the oven.
I went home so upset ready to sue them, pickett out front and spread the word of unfair religious discrimination.
It is important to mention, my sister and bil are "sanctimonious, superior, educated (phd) local business owners, better than everyone, type and they make that clear with their constant demeaning comments, and overall "better than you" judgments and behavior. They are in a small community where everyone goes to this coffee shoppe, everyone knows them/worship them and thinks they are overall amazing. (They obviously don't know a lot of the family secrets) i am known as "sis" little sister.. all around town.
Well dh talked me out of it, dont sue, dont pickett, dont gossip... He said family ties are important, wait it o ut, give some time, cool down, let them miss you and beg for you etc. I made it clear that i would NEVER work for them again, no matter what they agree to or beg.. principle of the matter.
basically, what ended up happening was I avoided them they avoided me I didn't go anywhere near the coffee shop or new bakery... I found out that I was expecting and I basically just spent time on my dd, dh and preparing for new baby.this ended up pretty much getting rug swept we never talked about it it was clear that I was hurt but about 6 months later, i started to see her at family functions and we just will we ended up talking again but this subject never got brought up, but i would say we were on ok speaking terms.
i really wasn't ever mad at my mom, i new she was being my sisters puppet, i knew losing me hurt her production at work and her pocketbook, i discused this once or twice with her, but she always said i need to confront my sister and i never did.