Where do I even begin?...
I'm 18 years old and I've been keeping everything bottled up since birth about what I've had to go through, so here it goes. I encourage you to read because it is an interesting part of the whole story. I know this is a baby site but I've found people similarity writing about their parents.
To begin with, my mother has a mental illness. Whether this is diagnosed or not, she has one and it's clearly evident.
She was born in the late 60s in a family a middle class family, she's the middle child. My grandparents came from weird backgrounds. My mom's mom was abusive towards all her kids because she was bottling up emotions of her childhood that later came out. On her death bed she told everyone that she had been in a sexual relationship with her father from early teens till she was 18 and married my grandpa. My grandpa knew nothing. You can imagine how messed up this woman was, insane pill popper. My grandpa came from a super poor family but became successful and fell in love with her - he was a weird guy too though, you could tell he saw a lot from the time he was born (1920s)
My mom always told me stories about how she'd always been bullied and how she was always so afraid of everything. People would make remarks of her being mentally Ill but it was an embarrassment to her parents that she was "challenged" so they never did anything with her - I'm guessing she has autism as well as other things.
She basically grew up a social outcast through school, she almost failed grade 5. All she would do was watch tv - that was her escape and depended on her parents to take care of her.
When she turned 18 she met a man who was 40 years old. She was a virgin and they were in an off an on relationship till she was 27. Within that time frame he had gotten 2 other women pregnant and my mom had to get 2 abortions because he didn't want to wear condoms. She said she stayed with him because she had no confidence that she could do better. She was paying for everything, including taking him out to dinner etc. He would pick at her and put her down.
Finally he moved out of town and she felt scrambled at 27. No husband. No family of her own. She never partied, never lived up her life.
She was working downtown at a makeup counter and this is where she met my dad. I'm guessing at this point she was so desperate she was willing to take any guy that looked at her.
They got married. Before they got married, my dad had been showing different uses of drugs and dealing pot. His family was weird. He moved in to the apartment my mom was living in, my grandpa owned the building and she was living rent free. My dad took advantage of her and used her for her money.
My mom told me that when she got pregnant with me, his reply was "well, what do you wanna do about it?" She had me.
My dad was a deadbeat. He left when I was about 3 and my grandpa (moms side) stepped in. Before my dad left when he said he would be at work, he'd be at some crack house because by that point he was doing heroin and heavy meth and cocaine use. He'd be in the bathroom and I'd be running around in the living room.
By this time, my mom was super bitter. She became jealous of me because I was so young and had my whole life ahead of me. Everyone would say how beautiful I was and she hated it. She took out all her anger on me. "You fuckin little bitch! I'm gonna fuckin kill you!" She'd scream at the top of her lungs with her teeth clenched and her fist in my face. "You're just like your father!!" When id leave a toy out. "If I didn't have you id have so much money!!" She'd scream.
When all this was happening I remember being so afraid. We lived in a 1 bedroom apartment and I had shared a bed with her till I was 16! This woman didn't know anything about privacy or making me into a person. We shared clothes, right down to the underwear. I was a mini version of her until recently.
I had met a man that completely changed me. He gave me love and trust and I was able to vent to him about all this stuff and more in detail. He got me into eating healthy and exercising (I was so fat because I used food as a loving nurturing thing). He would talk to me on the phone all the time, text me, there wasn't a minute we weren't together in some form.
I lost my virginity to this guy and after we had sex (it was almost 2 years after we first met) things slowly faded. Were not together anymore but I believe people come into your life for a reason. I'm a different person, I'm a healthy weight and I'm taking better care of myself.
But, right now it's so hard because he was my rock, my everything. I've recently contacted a therapist. I'm living in the building that my grandfather owns (my mom does too) but in a different apartment. I'm scrambling to get a job so I can move out and cut out my mother.
I'm graduating highschool in 2 weeks with no friends, I left my old friends behind that would use me for money for pot (I was a big pot smoker too).
I'm so nervous for my transition into college. Do you have any advice for me on what to do besides therapy, a job to move out and keeping up the exercise?
I have no other family - the ones that I have from my moms side are all assholes and make fun of my situation. I cut my dad and his side out a long time ago.
There's more to this story but that's the basic of what I'm dealing with now.
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My mother part 1, update page 2-15,20,21,22,23,29,31,32
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