Hi all,
Same song and dance. Lurker, infrequent commentor, came here for the crazy stories and realized some of them hit a little close to home. Now lets all gather around while I tell the tale of my crazy FOO.
Background: I have a crazy family history riddled with childhood of drugs, infidelity, mental issues and so so much more. It contains a lot of triggers so I'm leaving it out, unless more information is needed. Needless to say this has caused my normal meter to be WAY off and I've only realized how bad it really is until I got pregnant with and had my LO. The biggest problem is that my DAD and SMOM fight, really really badly. I was always told growing up that it's normal for parents to fight and that's how you know they love eachother. Well it took me about 30 years to call bullshit on that one. These fights got really bad close to my post partum time (I can provide more specifics if needed). I started protecting myself and my LO by setting strict boundries the main one being they cannot be around LO or myself while together ever again. I refused to have a relationship with both of them together. They have been pushing these boundries for a couple of months and finally I had it.
Both my parents live in "Town about 7 Hours Away" About a week ago my SMOM called to ask if she could come visit us Thursday - Sunday. We said yes, but I let her know I would be working and she would have to hang out with SIS2 (who lives in my same city) while I was not home. She was fine with that. She ended up texting me on Wednesday saying "Oh I'm actually getting on a plane in about an hour! See you soon!" I should have shut her down, but "should've, could've, would've" I failed. She came, stayed with me, fought with my dad on the phone, went out and didn't come back to the wee hours of the morning. She was still asleep when I went to work the next morning so I didn't get to talk to her about it.
On Thursday I get a text from my dad that says "Can't wait to see my girls tomorrow night" Umm what? I will post the remaining conversation in the comments and the resulting blowup. You may want to read those before finishing this.
Some clarification on the texts:
- I am a recovering alcholic and have been sober for 3.5 years
- My dad left my mom before I was born and SMOM didn't turn me away, hence all the "after all I've done for you" comments
- With the info blocked out the context might be confusing so please ask questions
- Any information regarding events leading up to this point (including childhood) is all an open book so if clarification is needed just ask
I'm posting this with the hope of help in 3 areas. Where do I go from here? I'm not ready to CO, but how do I get in a place that I am okay with it? Do I need to respond or wait for them to reach out to me again. I have a history of rugsweeping, so before I do anything in the future I wanted to have this post to fall back on to help me see clearly and keep my spine. Lastly, I'm terrified my SMOM will do something to herself (thats her MO). How do I distance myself enough so that if something does happen, I won't blame myself?
Thank you for taking time out of your days to help me with this!