MIL has been nosy and intrusive, passive aggressive, condescending and insulting.
She is boundary stomper and a manipulator who never admits when she does something inappropriate.
After 6 years of her shit, I finally had enough.
Last night at thanksgiving, she asked me about my sibling and I was being vague with answers and was visibly uncomfortable but she kept pushing for more details. I brushed off her questions, but it upsets me that she always asks really personal questions about my siblings. It makes me feel uncomfortable.
ME:
Hi MIL,
It was nice to catch up with you and FIL last evening at thanksgiving.
After reflecting on the evening, I wanted to bring something to your attention:
When you were asking me personal questions about my siblings private relationships, I felt very uncomfortable, and I found it inappropriate and intrusive.
I respect my sibling's right to their private adult lives, so that topic is off the table.
Thanks for understanding,
OP
"
MIL:
" wow! I am flabbergasted! I was simply looking for something to talk about, and since you had your family over for Thanksgiving, I figured there might be some big news about your sister or brother, much like HER DD was sharing with us about her husband's brother and his wife's pending birth. I always inquire of OTHER DIL about her sister and family, too.
I was not trying to be intrusive and am sorry you took it that way. I'm also sorry that it made you feel uncomfortable. I certainly am feeling very uncomfortable right now. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach?"
ME:
"I'm so sorry OP, I had no idea that you felt that way! I won't do that anymore".
That would be a mutually respectful adult's response.
That is how I would respond to you if you wrote me this.
I just wanted to let you understand how I felt, but instead you are inviting me to feel guilty and trying to shame me for putting up a boundary.
You are defending your behaviour and that is not a good sign.
What OTHER DIL and YOUR DD are comfortable talking about is within their comfort; Everyone is different.
I'm not comfortable talking about my siblings personal relationships with you.
I thought I would let you know that, so that next time you could have some clarity as to why I was dodging your questions.
The specific action that you took which was inappropriate:
asking me "Is your brother still with his girlfriend? I thought he was unsure of her because she didn't come to the wedding" is not inquiring about "big news". That is really messed up, and you did this in front of everyone.
Asking about whether or not my sister flying to San Francisco is ok with me, because that is normal light conversation.
Asking me to dive deep into my sibling's relationship and dig out some dirt for you is not fine with me.
Are you telling me that in our relationship respect only goes one way and any boundary that I put up is 'a kick in the stomach' ?
OP"
She then proceed to call my phone, and when I didn't respond, FIL called my DH who also didn't respond.
I'm pissed that she dismissed my feelings and tried to pass me off as crazy because I told her I don't appreciate her pushing for more info on my siblings than I'm comfortable giving.
How should I proceed?
I feel like a TO at least, because I am so angry right now.
Edited because there was a weird symbol where the apostrophies were.