I've been debating posting this for days, but it's still bothering me so I figured, why not.
BG: My husband was raised by his mom and grandparents. Sperm donor has been out of his life for most of it. His mom passed away right after we got married 10 years ago. GPIL were allowed to be second parents to him, and his brother allowed the same dynamic with DNI. I am not that kind of parent.
I have put my foot down from the first time they met my son 6.5 years ago. GFIL was going to the kitchen to help GMIL and on the way past me he says "Give me my baby". "He's not your baby, he's my baby. And he doesn't need to be in the kitchen." He says "I think I'm gonna cry", walks to the kitchen and comes back a few minutes later and starts praising me on what a great mother I am. OK??
We are on baby #3. I was pretty sure they had been properly trained over the years. We were even to the point of letting the older 2 kids stay with them to be babysat on rare occassion. Which is why, when my dad had a heart attack on Friday, we asked them to watch our 6 and 3 yr old while DH, LO#3 and I went to the hospital to be with him.
We got back a little late so we started getting everything ready to grab the kids and head home. DH was holding DD2 (8 mo old) and I started getting the carseats fixed back around. DD2 had just woken up and was fine with DH holding her, but he handed her to GMIL so he could help me fix carseats. She started to scream immediately. Scared, upset cry. I looked at DH and he tried to calm her down without taking her to see if she would. I could see it wasn't gonna happen so I told him "No. That's not ok. Take her back."
GMIL didn't want to hand her back, but DH took her back as I gave The Look. She starts to argue that she's never gonna get used to people if I don't let other people hold her. "No, she is at a stranger anxiety stage and I won't make her uncomfortable so other people can hold her." I thought my reply was rather PC, but firm. Well, some people just don't see a smart exit when it's handed to them. GMIL says "Oh, Shush!" Excuse me?? "No. I will Not shush! She is my daughter," "I know!" "And I will not let her scream just so you can hold her!" She got a little huffy and left. GFIL had touched her arm to get her to stop and walked away.
I thought it was over and she went inside to sulk. I had to take DD2 to nurse so she would calm down. Then I handed her to DH so I could work on carseats while he collected our belongings from inside. 2 minutes later GMIL comes back outside and sits in a lawnchair watching me. Of course, that sent my spidey senses tingling. And for good reason.
"I don't know why you even let us watch the other 2 if I"m so imcompetent!"
"Did I say incompetent? NO. I said she was uncomfortable."
"Do you think grandparents have any rights?"
I'm sure all of you can imagine the instant rage when I heard that. "No, I don't. Not a damn one!"
"Well you're wrong! We do! Legally we do. Everyone says so."
My head may have started spinning at this point, I'm not quite sure. A sort of haze started to settle over me. "No, you don't. Not unless DH or I are unfit parents. And if you say it again, you will never see my kids again!" Stupid, I know. But I was trying to point out her extreme error. I know my GRP laws.
Then she just really started to unleash. "That's fine! You did this with your other kids, too. You messed them up too. You only let them play under your nose. You're crazy, you know that? That's "r word". Everyone else thinks so too!" Etc, crazy rant.
Some of the statement are in response to my rebuttals. My kids are messed up by me only letting them play under my nose. I'm crazy because I won't make my crying baby go to her just so she can play with a baby. This of course was happening in their driveway, and my kids came outside while she was saying this. And that is unforgivable to me. Once she saw she wasn't winning with me, she went inside. And started in on my husband. Saying I was crazy and not right in the head. She was swearing too and my husband told her to stop because the kids were there. She said she didn't care. "Well I DO! These are MY kids." He apparently did this in his scary voice. It's a pretty good scary voice. I guess she backed up a little from it. And when he said she would not win and I am his wife, she said there is something wrong with his head too. GFIL was trying to shut her up the whole time. I missed it all as I was shaking mad trying to put in the carseats so we could leave. He didn't realize she had been outside attacking me, as he was collecting kids stuff.
Gosh, I'm stressed just from typing this much up. I'm just so angry at her! We had the relationship to a stable place where the kids could enjoy their great grandparents. And now that's gone. That's what pisses me off the most. My kids will remember them and ask why they can't see them. But my kids will not be around people who can't be bothered to respect their parents in front of them, let alone behind their backs. Because now I know for fact that she's been shit talking me to people. And one of those people was dumb enough to tell her that she has a legal right to my kids. Game over. I'm gonna post this now and come back in the comments, cause my head is starting to get jumbled with my anger right now.